I've just recently discovered I'm trans (at age 50+) and I'm elated and terrified at the same time with the knowledge of who I really am. I can't get an appointment to see a psychologist about dealing with all this for 3 weeks and I'm jumping out of my skin. I'm not sure how far I will take this journey. Right now no one knows. I recently bought some dresses, breast forms, jeans and a cami top (dam I look good in jeans and a white cami). I've been finding excuses to stay late at my business so I could close things up and slip into my women's cloths. I feel so free when I do, I'm high as a kite because it just feels so right and for at least a little bit, I forget about the body I have and am so disgusted by. My biggest fear now that I 'know" is if I come out fully I can blow up my whole life. I have a wife, kids and a lot of employees who all count on me. I know I will face some discrimination out in the real world so I want to try and get out there and test the waters and see if I feel just as free as I do when I'm in a safe place. I'm blessed to be in an area that is very liberal so it's not dangerous. My challenge is I have to figure out a way to get out in a public space where I won't inadvertently run into someone who recognizes me and be outed before I'm ready. Any advice for going out in public the first time would be appreciated. I do have a lot of hair already but no one is really going to think I'm a woman at this point. I can't imagine continuing life as a man and living this lie but also if I can't handle going out in public and just stay private once I transition I'm worried that will be living a lie as well. If I have some good experiences in public I'm very likely to move full steam ahead and come out to family and workers. (another post for that!!!) I'm just so confused.
I’ve done my full makeup for the 2nd time and put on my dress. I’m just sitting here trying to get the courage to go shop for a hand bag at a big thrift shop. Please tell me I can do this!
This is a worry of mine, too, especially since this is a relatively small are. I actually have run into a few people from work, but since I tend to wear shorts rather than skirts or dresses, I guess they didn't notice. I'm far more comfortable in larger cities away from home. They are farther away and take time and gas to get to, but I feel safer since I'm less likely to meet anyone I know. A word of advice: confidence. I know it's scary, but if you act like you belong, people aren't as likely to think twice about you.
