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First Relationship With a Guy (help)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rorschach, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. Rorschach

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    So I just graduated highschool and will be going to college very soon, it has been pretty stressful because I will be moving to another state and my family is about to sell our house. But that isn’t why I am here. My friend came out to me earlier this year and it was pretty surprising because it came out of nowhere. I am bisexual and I had only told two girls that I was bi, so when he told me I told him that I was bi. We became better friends and as time went on we hung out more. He relies on me a lot to help him with depression and just navigating the social world. But the other day he asked me over the phone if I would be interested in being in a relationship. I will only be in town for about a month and a half, he knows that but he still insisted that we could make the most of it. Of course the odds are stacked against us from: quarantine (since I live in a pretty heavily hit place), time limit, the fact that we are both in the closet (which we live in a small town so even if we did physically go out we would have to be pretty secretive though there are some woods and hiking trails that I can utilize). Even with all that we talked it over a lot and agreed to have a little summer fling, we agreed that no matter what, we would still be friends after it.

    I am pretty scared about it all, I mean I have always hated myself for being bi and this is a pretty big moment for me. I mean I have been with girls in the past and I am not a virgin but just the opulence of my fear about being with a guy scares me. I am pretty masculine (lol, that sounded narcissistic as hell) and it just is so vastly different, like all the years off repression have finally lead to this.


    We both agreed to not take it super seriously, though for him its his first relationship ever. He understands my situation as well but we were pretty adult about it, we agreed that it could be a light relationship with maybe just a kiss or to even go heavier and to have oral sex. We both want to “explore” and he said he wouldn’t be apposed to oral sex or masturbation stuff.


    I don’t really know what to do given the situation, a part of me really wants to “explore” which at the end of the day could be summed up by the philosophy of no harm no foul. I want to have some experience before I get to college of having a relationship with a guy. But IDK.


    Are there any tips for how I should handle/ go about this?

    Should we try and “explore”?

    If we do “explore” what should I expect?


    Again, sorry for this long post, I kinda just wanted to get my stream of consciousness to paper so this might be a little rough around the edges. Thank you for reading and if you have any input I’d greatly appreciate it.
     
  2. Rorschach

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    AHHHH, I somehow made two extra threads. I don't know how to delete them. My bad!
     
  3. musicteach

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    There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual.

    As far as the exploring, I say go for it, as long as you’re being safe about things. Trust me on this: you’re not going to “get over it” — meaning the feeling of lacking or whatever until you do.

    (one of the mods snagged your others)
     
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  4. Rorschach

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    I know that there isn't anything wrong with being Bi, though I've been told otherwise by people in the LGBTQ community, but thats to be expected communities will have their toxic bunch. So when presented with said opposition I retort with kindness, though I still harbor self-hatred for my biology. Self actualization is pretty hard in this day and age but hopefully with some experience I will feel more confident in my man pleasing side instead of just being proficient with girls.

    Yeah I plan on being safe, just some light fun. Nothing wild.

    (Thank you for letting me know, I was like S***!)
     
  5. musicteach

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    Don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
     
  6. Rorschach

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    Yeah I've been working on that one for a while, I live for helping others it's hard to rewire that.

    (Also is your picture a MCR black parade reference or just a nice picture)
     
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  7. musicteach

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    A bit of both? I’ma high school band director and marching band is my favorite.
     
  8. Rorschach

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    Oh that's cool, thank you for finding time out of your day to talk to kids like me.
     
  9. musicteach

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    Hey it’s what I do! Anytime.
     
  10. KevCO

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    Everything feels more crazy and butterflies in the stomach when it's new- and there are always reasons to talk ourselves out of things. But it's a chance to explore, enjoy someone, and go into it with a similar set of expectations. As always, communication is important to keeping a relationship on track and helping each other know what to expect. There's also the chance of hurt, of miscommunication, of somebody's heart having different feelings than what's been discussed out loud. But we take risks in everything we do or don't do and "being yourself" to this extent is probably a really big deal. I'm from a small town- same sex relationships were not discussed and might as well have been for aliens as far as I could see. Taking a step like you are thinking would have been a huge step into being myself in a way I didn't think was an option. Personally I wish my now self could have prepared my 18 year old self to relax and just enjoy the present rather than worrying about everything that could go wrong.
     
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  11. justinf

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    I’m not entirely sure what to advise here.

    At first glance, I was inclined to agree with musicteach and kevCO and say simply go for it, but at the same time I sense you’re having some doubts.

    It sounds like the idea of adding romance or sex (or both) to your friendship was your friend’s, not yours. And with time against you, you may be rushing into making decisions that actually seem to be quite a big deal to you.

    If you want to explore, and you’re attracted to your friend, then by all means go for it.
    But if you’re thinking of doing this only because you “want some experience before I get to college” and this is the only opportunity that has presented itself, then I’m not sure it’s the best idea.

    Remember that this one “fling” isn’t going to provide all the answers you’re looking for, and that there will be plenty more chances to explore and experiment in the future. It doesn’t have to happen right now just because it can.

    Another thing to consider is the effect this will have on your friendship, and perhaps more importantly: on your friend.
    I don’t know his situation, but since he’s dealing with depression and relies on you a lot, chances are he’s more attached to you than he realizes or is willing to admit. It may mean more to him than it does to you, and if that is the case then taking the friendship a step further will inevitably change it, even if you both agree that it won’t.

    None of us can tell you what to do, because you’re the only one who knows how you feel and what your friendship is like, but those are just a few things to consider before you make a decision.
     
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  12. Rorschach

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    Yeah I most definitely have been feeling butterflies and anxious as well. I have talked a lot about it with him, he knows my anxiety and of course there is a chance of miscommunication but we have talked over that as well. We plan to be friends no matter what happens and while that sounds very childish and naive in all honesty we aren't the kind of people who would ghost each other. It's definitely a big leap but I have always managed things in my life very well and relationships are no different.
     
  13. Rorschach

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    Thank you truly for your response and for thinking this over. Your input is very valid.

    As for the romance and sex, it was a mutual agreement. It isn't that we are thirsty by any means we have been friends for a while and he worked up the courage to ask me out. While of course I am a little uncomfortable with being with a guy it is no different for when I was with girls in the past.

    While I agree with you in that relationships that are just little things aren't deep or meaningful (for the most part I don't like hookup culture and I have said no to girls in the past) this I feel is different since we have had a great friendship for a while and we have gone out on our own to coffee shops and stuff. So while we weren't dating then we still had somewhat of the same resemblance of one.

    In terms of college I plan on figuring myself out more during that period. While I know this relationship won't answer all my questions I think it will benefit us both because we can figure ourselves out with more.

    Your last point is extremely valid, I have had that happen in the past when I had saved several lives. A good friend of mine wanted to hook up really badly and i had to let her down. It worked out well, I told her that I was gay to soften the blow. So yes I am familiar with that. This is different because he wasn't severally depressed, he has more of a social connection/ interaction problem which I have been helping him with. It isn't like he "depends" on me like a girl would (no offense to women) we are friends at the end of the day and this is just an evolution of our friendship. (Bros being Bros) but again I understand that that sounds like a fallacy because an evolution can't be undone under a traditional definition. Not to be that guy but honest to God I think this is different.
     
  14. Chip

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    It seems like you've been really thoughtful about this, and both of you are taking it as basically a chance to explore and simply have fun. I don't see anything wrong with that. The one thing to be cautious about, if he's depressed, is his self esteem. Often things that start out as lighthearted, fun, no-strings-attached work... until somebody develops feelings. ANd that's not in anyone's control. So it's more of a "beware that this may happen" on either side than a "don't do it."

    As for the nervousness... as has already been said, that happens with anything new. No different than jumping out of an airplane with a parachute (other than likely being a bit safer.) So... go for it!
     
  15. justinf

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    Alright! Well in that case, I’ll side with the others and say go for it :wink:
     
  16. Rorschach

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    Yes we've been pretty thoughtful when talking about this. We are still just Bros being Bros and that is why this will be fun.

    Yeah I know that I can't do anything about the nervousness, it'll just get better with time though.
     
  17. Rorschach

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    Well cheers to that, thanks for your blessing lol