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First hookup gone horribly wrong

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Leah061, Oct 5, 2018.

  1. DirectionNorth

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    Apologies for the typos, it won't let me fix it..
     
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  2. Leah061

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    I get that they would probably rather focus on someone else, and that makes me feel a little better. But they still have information about me, like me phone number, so they could find me. Also it definitely seems like this was bigger than just one guy trying to catfish me, so I don't know how organized or dedicated this group of people is to whatever it is they do. Like I said, I blocked/reported the profile, deleted my account and everything in it (so maybe that means the conversation I had with this girl, including the phone number, was erased?).

    I'm still not sure if this was too extreme of me, but earlier today I submitted an anonymous tip to a trafficking organization with the address. I told them everything that happened. It scares me, but I don't think it's so far out of the question that they could have been traffickers. I realize it's almost impossible that any of this was real. Especially given that this person had multiple fake profiles, presumably to cover more ground, and that if it was just one guy trying to take advantage of me, there wouldn't have been a guy watching me at the end of the street and sharing every move I made with this person. He would have just had his way with me. It wouldn't have been so organized.

    I think contacting an LGBT center is a good idea. Hopefully they can help me figure out what the next step would be. I am not ready to be so open about my sexual orientation, but my anxiety about coming out is currently being overridden by my anxiety about what happened last night.

    Can I ask what happened to you and how you dealt with it?
     
  3. Leah061

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    My friends are having a party tonight and I want to go because I feel so trapped and scared here by myself but I’m afraid to leave.
     
  4. Lin1

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    Do go and have fun! You shouldn't lock yourself home for the rest of your life, take a uber there if you don't feel like walking but go out and have fun, find someone IRL to talk about what happened to, it's important and also might be an extra safety measure so someone else knows and in the very very very small (I insist) chance that something could happen to you they could guide the cops in the direction of that person. But seriously though, it's extremely unlikely you will encounter that person again and I know it's easy to say but try and relax, don't become paranoiac, it will only make things worse.
     
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  5. Leah061

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    I know you’re right. I think I’m going to head out soon. On top of all this, there’s been a serial drive by shooter in the neighborhood so I have just been extremely on edge recently.
     
  6. DirectionNorth

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    No, I mean, as much as I don't want to scare you, I do think it was some kind of really sketchy thing with more than one person involved, and might have been some mmore elaborate setup than just some douchebag guy catfishing hoping to get lucky. It does sound serious and more elaborate, I didn't mean to imply or anything that it's probably just nothing, I do think it was a few people up to something. Which is why I'm saying it might be good to call the police, and I'm glad you tipped off the trafficking hotline, because I do wonder if it was something along those lines.

    Although, I do absolutely understand the major anxiety this can cause and it can shake someone when they realize how close they were to being bitten by the lion. I'm not sure what to say, other than go about normally, meaning be aware of your surroundings, forgiving yourself for making this mistake(we all make mistakes that we've been told not to do and taught better, especially if we're under the weather in any kind of way or going through something and our reasoning isn't too sound.)

    About them having different profiles and stuff, although I think you said you got off the site, I'd just say be more careful in general(which I'm sure you know and don't mean to sound condescending), but if it's not that specific group that might be catfishing you, there could be another person or group doing that, so I'd just say chalk fishy profiles up to just being fishy profiles, it could be any bad person, not necessarily them. Or someone who just set up their profile in a very dumb way lol.

    And I'll try to private message you or write on your profile about the other question.
     
    #26 DirectionNorth, Oct 6, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2018
  7. Leah061

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    You definitely don't have to message me if it's something you'd rather not talk about! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.
     
  8. Leah061

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    There is a counseling center at my school that I think I might go to. They're super LGBT friendly and I feel like they could help me figure out what to do next. I mean, I've already anonymously tipped off a trafficking prevention group, my main concern now is that they know who I am and have my number, and that scares me. I also need help figuring out how to deal with this. I feel so ashamed that I let it get to this point, and I don't know how to live in this fear.
     
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  9. Leah061

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    Hey guys, I don't mean to complain about this so much, but I am really shaken that this happened still. I really need help. I feel like this is the only place I can talk through what happened. It is especially hard given that I can't tell the people in my life about what's going on. I have told some of my friends about me being gay, but I'm still ashamed of the choices I had to make to put myself in this situation. I'm just so scared, scared that something horrible almost happened because I was stupid, and scared that these potentially very dangerous people have information about me. I won't take the bus anywhere, I uber everywhere I go now, and as soon as I'm done with my work life, I come straight home. Then when I get home, I'm afraid there's someone around the corner waiting for me in the dark. I feel like I'm being excessively dramatic, but I really have no idea how to process this. I don't feel safe, and I don't know what I have to do to feel safe, short of moving far away and locking myself in my room. I've already reported and blocked the profile, and I've been in touch with app company about what happened, and they seem to be looking into it. As I said I also sent an anonymous tip to a hotline. So I have taken action, but it isn't enough to help me sleep at night. I keep thinking about what could have happened, and what would be happening to me right now if I hadn't left when I did. I also keep thinking about what could happen still. My parents facetimed me the other day, and I nearly broke down during the call. I kept thinking about how if I had stayed around a little longer that night, I never would have seen them again, and they never would have known what happened. In recent months, I've felt how heavy the secret of being gay is when I'm around them, and the weight feels impossible now that this has happened. I know this site isn't a substitute for therapy, and maybe that's something I need, but I feel like I can't get all of these thoughts out anywhere else right now.
     
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  10. Destin

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    Whoever the people were aren't going to come after you, to put it bluntly, it's not worth their time. Why would they go after you when you didn't witness a crime and have no proof against them, they can just lure someone else off the app the same way and try again.

    I know it's hard, but try to calm down a bit, and definitely go to the therapy at your university. This doesn't relate to being gay either, straight people get lured into things like this on apps too.

    You're going to be ok, what happened is already over now. Don't let them win by making you afraid to live your life. They've most likely already forgotten you entirely, you're safe.
     
  11. Humbly Me

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    You should contact support of the dating app and inform them of this suspicious behavior and contact the police with the address of the house and any other information you can give them.
     
  12. Silveroot

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    First of all, I want to say I'm glad you're well and nothing bad happened.

    Of course, like every life-threatening situation, it doesn't have to escalate to be traumatic.

    I think you deserve to get it off your chest. Your sexual orientation or questioning to someone in real life. This won't made things immediately better, but it seems like it's choking you and you need to breathe. Sometimes letting dark things out in the open, makes them dissolve.

    Again, if that's not an option, you can write over here, after all it's a forum for support.

    *internet hug
     
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