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First Experience?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BiBoyToy, Feb 3, 2021.

  1. BiBoyToy

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    How old were you when you had your first consensual same-sex experience? Is it common to have it when you're fairly young?

    I'm a cisgender bisexual male and I had my first (and only) same-sex experience with my bestfriend who claims to be straight. However, I'm physically and emotionally attracted to women, and only emotionally attracted to men (I have to develop emotional attraction before I find a man physically attractive.)

    When we were a lot younger, him and I would always have sleepovers and cuddle (I never thought anything of it. We were very young). He was an attractive male (physically) but I didn't have feelings for him. Being the age we were, I didn't even understand sexuality yet. However, one day at school, he looked over at me and said, "wanna be gay for the year" I was caught off guard, confused and didn't say anything.

    A few weeks later, we were walking home from school and he randomly held my hand. Once we were inside my house (we were home alone), he asked if I wanted to make out. I enjoyed every minute of it. After he left, I couldn't stop thinking about him for the rest of the day.

    We saw each other at school the next few days and nothing happened, but that following weekend we had a sleepover at my house. When it was late and my parents were asleep, him and I were cuddling on my bed and he started making out with me again. After a few minutes, it escalated to my giving him a handjob oral sex. It was arousing, and I ejaculated.

    For the next several years, we would hookup quite often, at his house, my house, and even at school.

    There were a few family and friends that were suspicious of us but no one ever really knew. His older sister would always make jokes that we were gay for each other but he would deny it every time and say that he isn't gay. He even had on and off girlfriends throughout those years.

    We eventually started growing apart and stopped hooking up. Although, we are still somewhat friends and talk every now and then. I don't know if he actually thinks of that as his experimental stage or if he's bisexual, but he currently has a girlfriend that he's engaged to.

    I recently moved out of state but I still think about him in a romantic way all the time. He's the only guy I've ever been in love with and I think I always will. He's also the only guy I've had a sexual experience with.

    I personally think this experience in my youth is a large reason I identify as bisexual.

    Is this something common? Have you ever had an experience like this?
     
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  2. skloorrpt

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    I'm 22, almost 23 and my first and only sexual experiences have been with one of my best friends, similar to you.
    It started out with cuddling, then we started fooling around a little more, using mouths/hands, etc. Eventually we did end up having sex. It was a little weird the first couple times, but I was able to enjoy it.
    I'm still not sure about my own sexuality, but my friend came out to me and some of our other friends a couple of years ago and when he did I could relate to a lot of what he said.
    I think I know what you mean when you talk about attraction to men vs women. I think I like the way that women look physically I think (not entirely sure about men), but I think/wonder if have these feelings for my friend just because we've been very close for so long (since high school, but we went to a religious private high school, so being gay wasn't really something that was ok and I think that had a big effect on both of us). At this point I still don't feel like I can say that I'm gay, or even bi. For now I've just sort of settled on calling myself "not straight" even though I would never admit that to anyone.
    I don't know if this is of any use at all, but to be honest, I'm looking for advice just as much as you are, but I hope I could help
     
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  3. BiBoyToy

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    It was also a little weird for me the first few times as well. I also felt shameful and like I did something wrong. I think this was largely because society tries to program the youth to be ashamed of their same sex attraction and experiences. I also grew up in a fairly religious household. I was a pretty rebellious kid though and liked him a lot so I kept giving him oral sex. We never had sex though.

    I haven't had any friends come out to me but my sibling came out as a trans female to everyone a few years ago and I think this really helped me accept my bisexuality. Her and my brother are the only people I have came out to.

    Don't worry, you have been super helpful! I think having someone to talk to that shares a similar experience can help people better understand themselves and not feel alone.
     
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  4. skloorrpt

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    Well I'm glad I could offer something at least. I know it can help just to have someone to talk to or even just vent at, hell, it's why I've been posting here so much lately. It does help sometimes just to know you aren't the only one going through something like this.
     
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  5. BiBoyToy

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    It certainly does! If you have any questions or just want to talk, let me know. As a bisexual who also went through the questioning phase, I'm here to answer any questions and do my best to help. :slight_smile:
     
  6. BiBoyToy

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  7. skloorrpt

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    Thanks! I guess I'll offer the same, but unfortunately, I don't know if I'd be able to help very much.
     
    #7 skloorrpt, Feb 4, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2021
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  8. Chip

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    Getting to the bottom of this sort of thing can be really complicated. Many kids experiment; I read a study that was done probably ~30 years ago that said about 40% of teen age boys masturbate with another boy at some point during their teen years. And that was a 30 year old study so it's probably more common than that now.

    So if your first time experiencing orgasm is in that setting, I could see why it would make a significant imprint on you. But that doesn't make you gay. It's an association between a pleasant feeling and whatever you connect with it.

    That's one of the reasons I suggest looking at what your masturbation fantasies are when you are masturbating without porn. If you find you mostly think about guys... that's a good indication that guys are what arouses you. If you mostly think about girls... same thing, that's what arouses you. Or maybe it's a mix of both, that's not uncommon either.

    You can also look at where your eyes wander when you're out and about and aren't really thinking about it. Do you find yourself looking more at guy's butts or crotches or chests? Women's breasts or hips or butts? Both? Again, it's what we're doing when we're *not* consciously thinking about it that is often the best indicator.

    One caveat though: If your first and only experience is, say, with a best friend in middle school, that could be the primary fantasy. And that wouldn't necessarily mean you're gay, it might be that this is what you're most vividly able to recall. So in that case, it's worthwhile to imagine other scenarios, fantasize about other guys/girls and see what is most exciting for you.

    There's nothing in the credible scientific literature that suggests that masturbating a handful of times with another boy will "make" a boy gay. From what we know, sexual orientation appears to be pretty solidly fixed very early in life, either before birth or within a year or two afterwards.
     
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  9. BiBoyToy

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    It's definitely a combination of both. However, I would say I find myself looking at women's breasts and butts somewhat more often than a guy's crotch or butt.

    I think you're absolutely right that my experience is my primary fantasy and what I'm most able to vividly recall. I'll spend some time trying to imagine other scenarios.
     
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  10. BiBoyToy

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  11. skloorrpt

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    Thanks! I can't really say that I'm doing any better or worse than before, but I hope you're doing well too.
     
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  12. BiBoyToy

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    Thanks!
     
  13. BiBoyToy

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    I've spent some time imaging other scenarios but it seems if I let it come natural, they're all with the same guy that I mentioned. It's just us in different settings, different places, doing different things (having sex, etc.) along with the same things (holding hands, cuddling, making out, and giving him oral). However, if I force myself to imagine other scenarios with different men, it definitely excites me as well, maybe just not as much (by a small difference).

    As far as fantasizing about women compared to fantasizing about men, I get more excited about my fantasies with women. However, fantasizing about women and fantasizing about men both excite me a lot.
     
    #13 BiBoyToy, Mar 10, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2021
  14. BiBoyToy

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    @Chip, I look forward to your input.
     
  15. Chip

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    So what you're describing sounds like you have attraction to both.
     
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  16. BiBoyToy

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    Definitely! :slight_smile:
     
  17. BiBoyToy

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    I look forward to hearing more stories about peoples first consensual same-sex experience and how old they were.
     
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  18. Spaceseed

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    I was so young I can’t even remember what age ... we stopped for a while and then when we did again I wasn’t even sure if We did before or I dreamt it . My memory tried to erase this a few times ..

    all and all , probably hooked up from till we were 16 ish years old. I felt like we were now becoming men with hair and stuff and I felt gross about it , like it wasn’t for play play anymore , that when I decided to put a stop to it .
     
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  19. Embarassed

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    My first sexual experience wasn't "sexual" in the usual sense. But it was incredibly exciting. And that's how it's been for me throughout my life--"nonsexual" sexual excitement.

    When I was at summer camp at age twelve, I was in the same bunk as the most beautiful boy I had ever met. On one of the first nights of the summer, he let me lie in his bed with him. I put my hand over his mouth, and he ran his tongue along the inside of my hand. It felt amazing. And. whenever I looked over at him and he looked at me, I couldn't believe that it this beautiful boy doing this to me.. I've never forgotten that night.
     
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  20. BiBoyToy

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    Isn't it so amazing as well as interesting how a nonsexual experience as the one you described can be so euphoric?

    I relate very much!
     
    #20 BiBoyToy, May 14, 2021
    Last edited: May 14, 2021
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