First date

I've gone on dates with a bunch of girls, and since people are people I'm guessing Lesbian girls are mostly the same as straight girls when it comes to this type of stuff so I'll try to help.

The biggest thing is don't show your nervousness even if you don't know what to do, all that does is weird the girl out and make things awkward. For conversation topics - try to find shared interests, like ask them about their hobbies and share yours in return. Ask where they are from and how it was to live there, then say the same about where you're from. It doesn't have to be big stuff, just learn about each other and share things. Don't mention sex or past relationships or how hot you think they are, just don't, it's not a first date topic.

If you're really interested in her, at the end of the date ask her if she would want to go out again next week, and make sure you say somewhere specific you want to go with her because it shows her you put thought into it and it wasn't just a random offer.

If you're not interested in her - even if you realize it in the middle of the date, finish the date like normal anyway and just don't ask for a second date at the end. Ending it in the middle of super rude to the other person and makes them feel bad. If she asks you out again and you don't want to go, just be honest and say you don't think you would be a good fit for each other. If she asks you why, be honest, trying to pretend there is nothing wrong or doing that dumb 'it's not you, it's me' thing just hurts the other person since they don't know what they did wrong.

When it comes to who pays for things - I've found it's best to just ask them directly how they prefer to handle it, especially considering you're both the same gender so the whole traditional thing of the man paying for it doesn't even apply at all here. Some girls get offended if the other person tries to pay for everything without asking them, it makes them feel like someone is buying them or trying to bribe them. I would never assume they wanted me to pay for everything for them, I'd just ask them how they wanted to handle it and they would always appreciate being asked. Sometimes they'd want us each to pay for only our own stuff, sometimes they'd ask me to pay for it and I would, and one time she even insisted on paying for both of us because she was the one who asked for the date in the first place.

As for where to go on dates - this system seemed to work well:

1st date - go out to lunch somewhere basic, like a casual sit-down restaurant that isn't expensive. The casual atmosphere helps put you both at ease and it's cheap so it's not a big deal if they want you to pay for everything, and if it doesn't work out you only lost like $15 so who cares. My very first ever date was lunch at Denny's for example.

2nd date - instead of just getting food, go do something together. Go to a movie, an amusement park, the zoo or just anything that sounds fun and still casual. This lets you see each other actively doing something and reacting to stuff instead of just staring at each other over food thinking of questions to as each other. Don't try to focus much on asking them things this time, just have fun and let things happen naturally.

3rd date - If you like them enough to see them three times and you had fun the last time, there is some kind of a connection. Go out to dinner at a less-casual place and start being more romantic. Tell them they look beautiful, comment on how you like what they are wearing or their hair. Slow things down and make it all about enjoying talking to and looking at each other. Try to hold her hand or hug her at some point if you can do it naturally. After the date if everything is still going well and you can do it naturally, asking if you can kiss them goodnight is appropriate.

Any future dates are determined by their interests, your interests, and how comfortable you are being together. In my experience, sex usually happens for the first time around the 5th date once you know you really get along, have a connection, and can trust each other. Trying to push for sex before then has a large risk of making them think you're only interested in them for the sex and not because you really like them.

Hope this helps, and good luck on your date - I'm sure it will be great

 

Usually about 2-3 days after is normal between the first and second dates. Much longer than that and it risks her thinking you didn't like it, but the very next day looks a bit clingy and sometimes that scares people away.

 

BlueNeon, welcome to Seattle! What an exciting time for you! This is one of the most LGBTQ-friendly cities in the world, so you’ll have a great time here I’m sure.

My rules of thumb about dates:

1. Be yourself, as much as you can, despite the nervousness. It’s the only way they can know if they’re feeling a legitimate connection too.
2. Be confident and accept that you’re nervous. Just acknowledging the nerves can go a long way to becoming present again.
3. Money. Ugh. I tend to offer to pay first, and if there’s a big protest I’ll let them cover a tip. Or if they beat me to it, I insist on paying for the tip or another drink. In my opinion it’s good to look at body language more than words to know a person’s comfort level with paying - and generally in the date itself.
4. Follow-up. Ugh. My general rule is to say thanks for the date within a day, and wait at least 3 days from the first date to ask for a second. It gives both people time to process and think, and it doesn’t come across too clingy.

So, those are my thoughts on dates from my non-existent dating life! *lol* But in a parallel universe where I have dated successfully, these usually work for me.

Again, welcome to the Emerald City!

Patrick