um, okay. how to start. so I met this boy online, never meant to get into a relationship but I fell in love with him and here we are 7 months later. for the last 2 or so months it hasn't been the best. I've been doubting for multiple reasons. I have never met him in person, and I'm constantly pounded by what ifs (what if I don't like him in person? what if this doesn't work out? etc) and they're all very scary because if I loved him I shouldn't doubt it right? well I hid this from my parents because I knew they wouldn't understand and approve of this and just recently I brought it up. (before I go on I think it's important to know he is my first "boyfriend" and to put it bluntly, I became almost obsessed. talking 24/7, panicking when he was gone. not good) anyway, my parents see that part only and are telling me I'm wasting my life on a fantasy relationship that will never work out. they say I need to experience life and that I won't be able to because I'll always be reserving myself to him. and I see that, I do. but am I wrong for believing I don't need to date a bunch of guys to know what I want in one? I know I need to get off the phone and I'm working on it. I'm 17 (18 in 4 months) and he's 20. I had hoped to meet him when I'm in college (he lives in California I live in Oregon) and just see how things go, but I get the vibe my parents don't want that. all this has made me start to think I want to leave, that I should end it. my mind tells me I'm not attracted to him that I don't want him and it's tearing me apart. I guess I just want advice, maybe personal experiences. should I end this now? does my constant doubting mean I subconsciously don't want this relationship? are my parents right, I'm holding myself back from experiencing life?
you did say that you did not want the guy just be honest with him it'll only hurt more if you stay wait you have not even meet the guy in real life have you tried skype calling the guy you do know what video chat is right? well if this guy loved you as much as you loved him he would meet you in person and if this is a relationship that started online to be honest with you that don't last very long for reasons really the first reason is the other person was either lying or just flat out just playing you for attenion
I've had online relationships too, but they usually never work out. At least for me, they never did. You may need to follow your heart on this one...what is it that -you- want to do?
yes I've Skyped called him, I do every single day. and I know in my heart I want to stay I just wonder if my parents and everyone else is right
As much as we appreciate advice here, this comment is not very helpful simply because it is relatively incoherent. If you need help writing responses in English I would be glad to assist, but starting multiple sentences with that and having no subject makes the post highly confusing @mayogoins If you think you like him, feel free to wait as long as you want. However, you need to be absolutely clear with him as to what your expectations are out of this relationship, it is even more important online because you have less in person contact. As aloser tried to, I think, say Skype or other forms of video chat can give you a little better feel for what meeting someone in real life is like and can be helpful for maintaining something long distance. He also seemed to draw the conclusion that you had said you did not like this guy. However, I find that there is no evidence for that in your post. 1st, you do not have to love someone already for it to be worth pursuing a relationship, love can occur far later down the line. 2nd, the more you care about him the more worried you will be about whether or not you will like him in person because your current feelings are stronger and you do not want them to change. And if you did not care about him you wouldn't care if you decided you didn't like him in person so you would not be worried right now. I would also like to respond to the cynical nature of alosers comments and say that there is nothing that inherently determines that people met online will be any less unfaithful to or more likely to use you for attention than anyone you meet in person. PS: Your parents know only what would be right for them, never what is right for you.
Thank you so much, this has helped a lot. I just think sometimes I let other people influence me too much. Again, thank you so much for you advice and kind words
I just wanted to chime in to say that doubt doesn't mean that you subconsciously don't want the relationship. Insecurity is normal, especially for a first relationship and DOUBLE especially when that relationship is online. (I was recently in a 2-year long LDR and I completely understand the worries. The best things came out of discussing them with my at-the-time partner.) You're the only one who can know what you want, consciously. Just make sure it's what's best for you and you will be fine.
This all helps, and I tell him about all my worries and he's very understanding and I will never know what I did to deserve him, but I guess part of me wonders if we do end up together for the rest of our lives, will I have regrets about it? will I regret not dating more people and seeing what's out there?
Well, that is something you'll have to determine for yourself. Sometimes two people can be very much in love but because the other person is not what they need right now, they have to split up for personal growth. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you're happy this way and it's mainly other people who have made you consider it, then I would try not to worry. Plenty of people end up marrying after having very little experience and being perfectly happy, there is nothing any person really "should" do in that regard.
