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Fine for a coming out letter to parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by quldsastre, Sep 21, 2018.

  1. quldsastre

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2018
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Is there anything I should add or change? Could I be more clear or could my wording be better? Does it sometimes seem like I'm talking to one parent rather than both? Do I come off as aggressive? Is my dyslexia showing? Thanks for any feedback!
    I plan on giving this letter to them on the my birthday, which is in roughly two months from today.

    Dear Mom and Dad,

    I am writing this letter to you to tell you something important because I depend on your support with something like this.

    Getting straight to the point, I am a boy. You might want to tell me I’m trying to be cool, or want attention, or am mistaken, or anything like that, trust me, I’ve already heard it enough from so many people. In reality, being trans isn’t “cool”, it’s looked down upon. I don’t want attention, and that’s known about me; I’ve never wanted to be in the spotlight. Finally, I know that I am not mistaken about this. I’ve been thinking it over for two years now, and I’m not asking for permission to be myself. I know who and what I am talking about better than anyone else in the world.

    But, then again, maybe you won’t want to tell me any of that at all.

    I’ve seriously considered whether coming out to you is even an option for me. However, I know that I love you both, and I want to be honest with you. I first thought I could wait until I could fully support myself and was old enough to move out before I told you, but that seems too far away to be an option. Know that, while being transgender will probably make my life tougher than if I weren’t, ignoring or repressing my feelings would end even worse. I am fully certain about this after spending so long thinking, I’ve looked up every resource that could possibly help me, and even though some definitely set me a step backwards, I’ve gotten here.

    This isn’t anything new, either. I never wanted to wear dresses or skirts, while I could admit when they looked pretty, I never wanted them for myself. For years since I was four or five I wondered what it would be like to just suddenly turn into a boy, and I liked the idea. I once had a dream where I saw myself, physically, as a man, and that made me happy in a way I didn’t recognize. Once on the radio when I was maybe eight, I heard a story about a trans man, and I really don’t remember the details well, but I do remember thinking for weeks afterwards how I wanted to be like him.

    In grade six, I learned what transgender meant, and thought nothing at first because I wouldn’t allow myself to think about it. I had this dumb belief that it was off-limits for me, even as I learned to accept it as a real thing and met trans people I’ve grown close to. I just felt that I, specifically, wasn’t allowed, because I was supposed to be your perfect little girl with perfect grades, your beautiful daughter who was always happy and truthful, who did as she was told and followed the rules. I can't be that. I can’t do that for you. I don’t want to be your perfect daughter, I want to be your son who tries his best, and maybe he fails, but he knows he did all he could.

    Please don’t think that this changes who I am or how much I love you. I am still who I’ve always been, and will only become even more of myself if I am allowed to go through with transitioning. I care about everyone in this family and ask that you do the same for me and respect who I really am. This will probably take time to settle in and change is inevitable, but don’t think less of me for just trying to be myself. Trust me, I understand at least partly how difficult it is to understand, I’ve had to go through the whole process with myself before I could even think about telling you.

    I don’t expect everything to turn around instantly. Changes, especially ones like these, take time, but I know it’ll be worth it and I know it’s what I need. I’m not asking that you immediately start calling me your son, a boy, by a new name and pronouns, but I’m asking you try your best and that we will support each other through this. Please try your hardest to be understanding, that would be enough.

    Love,
    [deadname, crossed out]
     
  2. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,199
    Likes Received:
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    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    quldsastre.....The letter looks good, but without knowing a little more about you it's difficult to really give you a good answer. From the context of the letter it seems that you are a teenager, still in school. If you feel comfortable sharing your age with us that would help. Coming out as Trans can be tough and telling your parents is usually the most difficult.How old you are and what kind of a relationship that you have with your parents would help in evaluating your letter. Have you checked out the sample coming out letters here on empty closets? ...Oh by the way...a very big welcome to empty closets!! Here is the info for the sample letters:

    COMING OUT LETTERS: Go to the Login page, but do not login. At the top you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box you will see a link to "Coming out letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it!


    .....David :gay_pride_flag: