Finding a relationship when you're shy and live in a small city

My bio says I'm out to "some people"..."some people" is my parents and siblings. One of my friends used to know but I basically re-closeted myself(I'm an idiot) The reasons I'm not out to everyone:

1. I'm religious and very involved with church.
2. I'm very introverted/private and naturally insecure with myself.
3. My mother discourages it. She acts like it's up to me, she acts like I'm so far in the closet, and it's a "dirty little secret" It's not. I feel like if it weren't for 1 and 2 I'd be shouting it to the roof tops.

I will admit maybe to a point, I'm scared of what people will think about me if I tell them I'm a lesbian, I'm not sure why, because I'm not ashamed of it myself, but I feel shame when my mom brings it up, I guess because I know how she originally felt about it. It's ridiculous, I can't even tell two of my close friends who are LGBT that I'm gay out of concern of what they'll think...what the f*** is that? I think a major part of that has to do with me being so private. It's not just being gay that I hide from people outside of close family, it's everything. Including out of the country vacations. I think for some reason I just have a fear of being made fun of.

I want to be out and to date someone, but then I realize what's the point if I live in a small city where it feels like there's no available lesbians? I really like one of the LGBT friends that I have, she presents herself as a lesbian, a female, uses a female name, pronouns, rarely binds, etc but there are some signs she might be ftm(I don't know that for a 100% spot on fact, but there are signs that I won't do into) part of me understands why she would hide it from me but part of me doesn't(I mean I don't want to start rambling about our friendship) but what I mean it, I don't want this to sound shitty, but if me and her were to get together and she transitions..I just couldn't do it, the love and friendship would obviously still be there, but in the same way I couldn't be with a biological male, I can't be with a man..

I just I don't know, this post is a sh*t storm, I'm sorry, do I just go up to people and be like "Hey, I'm a lesbian are you? Are you intereted?" I don't know, I'm at a lost point in my life. I think I might have a form of depression.