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Finally realised I'm gay

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by kawhyyy, Apr 11, 2021.

  1. kawhyyy

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    **CW- referencing sexual trauma**

    Hi! I'm a 31 year old woman who thought she was bisexual until a serious mental health disturbance obliterated my interest in heterosexual sex. I then realised that I'd fetishized het sex in order to cope with sexual trauma from my teenage years. I think in my head it was like "if I love penis then what happened to me isn't so bad", to offer a simplified explanation.

    I'm cohabiting with my het partner of almost 9 years, I came out to him very inelegantly about 3 months ago and it was very traumatic for him, especially after supporting me through that very difficult time. Even though I'm not sexually attracted to him now, I find him very beautiful and have a deep respect and love for him. I don't know how to rectify that love with my sexual identity, and I'm sad that I can't "be straight" for him because he's the best person I've ever met.

    I've joined this forum because I'm super confused about how to proceed with my life. I have many queer friends IRL but they've always known me as bisexual and I'm hesitant to come out to them incase they question my authenticity. I don't think I could handle that right now, it took a lot of strength to even come to terms with my sexuality in the first place. So I'd like to make some new friends who know my situation from the get go, maybe even some friends who have had a similar experience with their journey.

    My interests outside of my identity include animals, comedy, anime, videogames, outsider art & music, rowdy drinking sessions, eccentric personalities and knitting. I'm looking forward to hearing from anyone who I can have a good conversation with.

    Thanks for having me! X
     
  2. Red Sun

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    Hey @kawhyyy, Welcome to EC:slight_smile:

    I am happy to hear that you finally realised who you are!
     
  3. kawhyyy

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    Hey there, thanks, I'm happy to hear it too lol
     
  4. quebec

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    kawhyyy.....Hello and a great big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: There is a sub-forum here on EC that is titled “Sexual Orientation”. If you post there I think you'll find people who will understand how you feel and will be able to offer support and understanding! :old_big_grin: I love your list of interests...I don't think I've ever seen knitting and rowdy drinking sessions listed together! :old_rolleyes: You definitely gave me a chuckle and I actually needed one today! We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  5. AimLew

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    It’s lovely to have you!! You’re definitely not alone. I also identified as bisexual since my early 20s. I came out to my immediately family as gay last year (28) and I’m becoming more and more comfortable within myself because of that!

    I’m so sorry that it took such a traumatic experience to make you realise and come to terms with your sexuality. There are so many people that will be happy to help you along the way here and I’m glad you’ve found us!

    We’re all in this together. You’re not alone. :blush:

    Amz...:hearts:

    :gay_pride_flag:
     
  6. BiBoyToy

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    Hey @kawhyyy, welcome to the EC community. We're happy to have you! :slight_smile:

    It's wonderful to hear that you finally realized you're gay. When I finally accepted my bisexuality (deep down I've known I'm bisexual since middle school), I had such a great and relieving feeling so I can understand how you must feel!
     
    #6 BiBoyToy, Apr 11, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
  7. MikeL1962

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    Welcome, this is a great place.. I've only been here a couple of weeks and it been energizing with alot of helpful stuff.
     
  8. Lesbee

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    Hi @kawhyyy! Welcome to EC!

    I just wanted to say that I too thought I was bisexual most of my life, have experienced s*x*al traumas in my teens, and while cohabitating in a long-term relationship with an attractive man for whom I have deep respect and love, realized that I'm actually a lesbian, though I desperately wish I could "be straight" for him because he's the best person! And while it's surprising to me to see how much we have in common, I've also seen a number of other members here with very similar stories. You are not alone!

    At this point I've come out to everyone close to me (except for my evangelical father and one childhood friend deeply involved in the church), including my partner and my three teenaged children, and not one has questioned my authenticity - even queer friends who didn't know I was bi and only saw me dating a man have been very supportive and welcoming (to the "lesbian team"). But the truth is, even when people are supportive, it's just exhausting to come out sometimes, and you never have to do it if you aren't ready or to anyone you don't want to come out to. So just keep loving and accepting yourself, be gentle with yourself, and trust your gut on who and when to tell, and how much. <3

    See you in the forums!