1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Finally ready to come out(2nd time) and leave again. Advice please!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Burnedcloset, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. Burnedcloset

    Full Member

    Oct 27, 2014
    Likes Received:
    santas workshop
    Hello, happy Halloween

    It's been a while since I've posted a advice topic. Let me get started

    If you guys don't remember I used to be g.y.p.s.ycloset on here. This was my situation before basically

    Part 1. So, I come from a culture (g.y.p.sy. Can't use the word for fear they will google search "gay g.y.p.sy." ) where you don't have a job or education past high school. I have a high school diploma. You basically wait till you get married and then the girl tells psychic readings for a living. My Family is super homophobic hates anything LGBT...

    Now, this meant I had to leave and start a life of my own after saving up some money so that I could handle it once I got disowned. I had $5,700 dollars. I had plans to move to Charlotte, North Carolina and live in walking distance from a bus stop. The bus system there seems to not be too bad and I could get around on a $90-150 a month pass. I found a place for cheap renting from a gay guy who symphatized with my story. He offered me $250 a month till I got on my feet. left on the bus....came out on the way....

    After I came out.

    Part 2. My mom and dad accepted me that night over the phone and begged me to come back and work things out. I was so naive to the lies and if you can try to understand how I felt hearing all those words from my parents...that they love me and will always...just everything I wanted.... My mom picked me up from a hotel so I could keep the guy I was renting from safe from them.

    Part 3. The next day they took my phone, birth certificate, and social security. My brother drove me for 2 hours all the way to Durham to talk to me and tell me I'm not gay and all that jazz for hours on end. Then I got home and my niece and nephew started. Then my mom. Then eventually my dad. It was a nightmare. I went to counsellors and ex-gay therapy. My mom cried on me and begged me to at least stay for 6 months. I was so abused I still am fcked up in the head from it.

    Part 4. I was still e-mailing the people who were helping me and my family found my e-mails and freaked out even more. My nephew who I didn't think was told I'm gay new and was hacking into all my accounts.

    Part 5. It's been 7 months now and I'm engadged to a girl who keeps breaking up with me and getting back. I have to talk to her for fear of losing my phone right now. My family has stopped with the talks and my super homophobic nephews are kinda comfortable with me. I still can't go out alone and don't have my important documentation.

    Part 6. Finally realized a couple days ago I have been abused beyond belief and I'm just used to it and need to break free from it.

    Part 7. I'm trying to get a idea of where I'm at now with resources. I have about $4,300 after all the expenses I've had since then. Do you think I could start with a amount like that? How long do you think it takes to get a job with no work history and only a high school diploma? Also, I e-mailed the guy I was going to rent from and he said IM HIS PHONE BACKROUND AFTER 7 months...I don't feel comfortable with that.

    What do you think I should do? I'm not sure why I made this I guess I just want confirmation that I'm right. I'm so worried and anxious all the time and I'm scared I won't make friends and I'll end up alone and sad.

    If minimum wage is like $1,100 after taxes per month.
    Say my new rent is say
    Phone is $60
    Health insurance $110
    Bus pass $90-150

    What if I'm too expensive monthly?
  2. KevinDutch

    Regular Member

    Oct 30, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would have taken the risk in your situation! Go for yourself and own luck and love. Get the important documents maybe even stay at that guys place until you find something else, but make clear he is just a friend to you and you can't handle something like that after what you've been trough. But living a life you don't want to and what makes you unhappy is never an option
  3. Smores

    Regular Member

    Jul 26, 2016
    Likes Received:
    I think you should start applying for jobs before you leave and then maybe once you have an interview leave? You're definitely right about the abuse in my opinion and I think once you can you should leave.
  4. falconfalcon

    falconfalcon Guest

    Oct 15, 2016
    Likes Received:

    The second they get wind you want to leave, they will try and stop you again - who knows what they will do this time. I Would _NOT _ apply for jobs or interview - RUN just RUN just RUN

    This is horrible abuse and domestic violence.

    DONT WORRY there is a better life out there YOU WILL BE FINE

    You can PM me anytime (except my PMs dont work yet so just write on my wall or something until they do :wink:

    There is help out there for you too . But you can make it JUST FINE even on your own

    LGBT Centers and agencies can be supportive and helpful you can ALWAYS talk to them

    also this is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE you qualify for assistance (in some counties though, the domestic violence agencies are Intimate Partner Violence only (this is a funding/political problem, dont worry. They often exclude elder abuse, family abuse, disabled adult abuse, and they aren't supposed to - a good agency will work with all domestic violence, it just varies county to county. Call a bunch all over the state and talk and ask for assistance)

    some thoughts:

    can you get medicaid, or the state health insurance plan? Qualification is _income based_ , and if you are working minimum wage or close, you may qualify

    also - check to see if you qualify for Food Stamps. Again, its income based, and on a scale - you may qualify for at least SOME food stamps. This is what they are for

    FIND local Food Banks and Food Pantries. THIS Is what they are for, to help people in BAD situations. You are a victim of horrible abuse, and it will take some time before you have completely recovered. THIS is what they are for - go get some food :slight_smile:

    You can get a job, at first consider just getting ANY job - starbucks, grocery store, pizza, whatever. Someone will hire you, if you are willing to work. Just be nice and responsible. You can look for a better job later. If you can get a job as a waiter, this is often a great opportunity - look for stuff like that. Maybe try applying for a few waiter jobs at the same time as applying at a grocery store or something, maybe coffee shops - also usualy you can find work fairly easily as "food prep" (restaurant work) although it can be very hard work. Also cleaning - kitchens, restaurants, etc. is usually available for jobs and also easier to get (although of course it can be not the best job, but at least its money, freedom, and a start!!! :wink:

    If you can get ajob at the grocery store GREAT, something like that, build a resume.

    Once you start building experience it will be easier to get better jobs

    Also there are agencies to help people find jobs.

    Also there are even temp agencies if you have trouble finding full time work, but i think for getting secure income you maybe best just taking a grocery store or restaurant job just so you can get rent covered securely, then look elsewhere after you know you can get a recommendation from that boss for your next job.

    Sorry to here the nice gay guy is worrying you.

    Do be aware if you try and rent an apartment from a landlord (not a roommate) they want a deposit, and they may also require proof of income or employment, i dunno - some are stricter than others. Be careful out there! Find nice people!!!

    I would definintely contact local agencies and support organizations for information and assistance, and support.

    Dont worry - you'll find friends, it WILL be OK - just GO while the getting is good, get SAFE before they find away to steal your money or otherwise block you or something - or tie you up somewhere or something :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :wink:

    G-d's speed, we're rooting for you, you have our support and there are others like us out there!!!
    Take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2016 at 10:54 AM ----------

    p.s. you can file for a lost or stolen birth certificate and get a replaecment. Same with social security card. its _no_ problem :slight_smile:

    Also once you get free of their grasp you may want to contact the police a bout the theft, etc. Take care!!!! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2016 at 11:18 AM ----------

    Also check for soup kitchens - they are good (here's a tip - if you are up for it, they often need volunteers to help serve the food, help out in the kitchen, set-up the eating area, and clean up. If nothing else, its a really nice way to meet some people with hearts and socialize and hang out :wink:

    here's one (i'm dont know charlotte at all so I'm just cluelessly googling :wink:


    (p.s. I use to volunteer in a soup kitchen . They would always feed the volunteers, and were very greatful for our help. It was a wonderful, welcoming space.)

    that Dilworth one actually looks really nice, and seems like it has good food too :wink: Check out the website!!! :slight_smile:

    Also check out the salvation army, they have support service for people in need.

    Also you qualify for counseling and probably really need it!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

    Ask around :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

    Also sometimes the salvation army will give a "voucher" so that you can get clothes from their store with the voucher. It looks like also some other agencies in town might have free clothes available. As you get better off with income, you can get to know and love the local thrift stores :slight_smile:

    Here - Go talk to these guys (Metropolitan Community Church is a LGBT Friendly Church organization - They will be great to talk too!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte
    1825 Eastway Dr.
    Charlotte, NC 28205
    Dial (704) 563-5810 for hours.
    Can provide Thanksgiving and Christmas meals and gifts, and other emergency food vouchers. Meals and school lunches may be offered. Also get information on clothing closets and thrift stores in Mecklenburg County NC.

    here's a bit on the local Salvation Army:
    Salvation Army food banks and pantries
    There are multiple sites. Various social services are available, ranging from free food from a pantry to case management, shelter, and referrals to government benefits. The homebound can also get a meal, and Thanksgiving turkeys may be passed out. 11328 E Independence Blvd in Matthews (call (704) 814-7031) or another emergency food pantry is at 534 Spratt St, Charlotte, NC, dial (704) 348-2560.

    And I'll try and drop a link on your "wall" i dont want to post here.

    Anyways - There is help - RUN!! GO!! SPLIT!!! Don't wait until its too late - trust me - they may already be plotting against you, you NEVER know when they will move

    TAKE CARE!!!!! :slight_smile:
  5. falconfalcon

    falconfalcon Guest

    Oct 15, 2016
    Likes Received:
    (p.s. I tried calling the local domestic violence agency and just asking some general questions about their services. The person I talked to was not all that helpful (but fairly nice..) Anyways, they did say that there is a place in town the Goodwill Opportunity Campus that helps people, like people who have been unemployed for over a year ( :wink: , etc. get set up , has job placement assistance, and it looks like a lot of other resources and support. She said it would definitely be worth going and talking to them.

    OK. Warm thoughts of you at that nice looking soup kitchen and talking to the LGBT Friendly church. Take care!!!! :slight_smile: <3

    Goodwill to build $20M Charlotte campus | The Charlotte Observer