finally figured out (my) reason for falling after straight girls but still cant help it

Sometimes self care and thinking through issues is not enough by itself. It causes you to get stuck and spin your wheels. You have to put yourself out there and gain more experience and knowledge to compliment all the great work you're putting into yourself now. Actions speak louder than words as they say. Self care is great but it will only get you so far without action. There's a balance for everyone.

I used to be the same way. I prioritized all my time and effort into my self care and well being. Although by doing so I inadvertently removed myself from the world and people kept living life and passed me by. Leaving me behind. It's like I was the control in a experiment, but I never actually applied myself, ( the control), to that experiment. I put in the work but didn't actually apply it to my life in practice. Therefore I couldn't progress and became stuck in my own bubble endlessly repeating the same patterns.

There are a lot of risks and unknowns in dating. Especially these days. But you can prepare for it. You may have low self worth and not like yourself, but that is OK. Accept who you are now and fall in love with the person you'll become. Take baby steps every day to eventually get to that goal. The closer you get the bigger steps you can take.

 

I still make plenty of mistakes while dating and have similar fears like you from time to time. Fear and anxiety are natural and normal emotions that everyone feels. The trick is not to let it control you and harness it as a tool like any other emotion. You have many tools at your disposal. happiness, excitement, anger, sadness, embarrassment, wittiness, candor, etc. Draw from your entire toolbox and use them all at the same time. Don't let one emotion consume you, and limit your capabilities. Fear is one part of you. Harness all the parts and emotions as one. You'll be surprised what you're capable of.

When I feel hopeless it eats me up inside and feels like I'm trapped in a hole. everyone has been there and I don't want to be stuck down there any longer than I have to. I would much rather force myself kicking screaming clawing my why out rather than being stuck. Don't get me wrong it sucks either way, but I would much rather suffer climbing up than falling further down.

Accept that life is messy and beautiful at the same time. You are imperfect just like me and the rest of the people in the world. Cut yourself some slack, be clam, push forward, grow and learn, and enjoy the journey.

 

It is hard to get started in the gay world. Other people have the same problems. I have been turned down by women a few times. Some turn me down just because I am married - but others just don't seem to care whether they connect or not. It is very hard to figure who is available and who isn't. The most discouraging thing is when a nice woman approaches me but the time and place is all wrong and I can't act on it. So yes your experience is typical - being gay is hard, very hard. But here's one good thing. I sense that you are not ready to actually act on it yet - and I understand. That is a normal stage to go through. With time, you will become ready and then that hesitation will be gone, no longer a problem, even if you do not have a partner yet. It will be liberating to know that you are no longer afraid.

 

Great job on the baby steps you have taken! Like that old adage, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Sometimes we also can get in our own way when we hyper focus on an outcome we desire, in this case a fulfilling romantic partnership. I have found that it helps to be less outcome dependent and allow relationships to unfold as they naturally will.

It can be quite freeing to say to yourself, as much as I want a romantic partnership, I’m going to let things come as they come and not twist myself into a pretzel in the process. I’m going to enjoy being single while i still can, because who knows when that might change?!

All that to say, you are doing great. Self awareness is a big step forward, and you are to be commended on the risks you have taken to break old patterns. You got this!!