So about an hour ago i ended my relationship with my girlfriend. It sucked. I really thought she was the one. She had her defects just like any other human but i even considered marrying her early on. However, as time passed i the fantasies of being single and exploring kept coming back. A year ago i decided I was going to repress my feelings and find comfort in going to church. Also, dedicating and giving my all to a relationship which i thought was going to last a very long time. Well that worked for like 7 months and i started going back to downloading some of my go to apps. I created a separate social media account to connect with people from the lgbt community. I couldn't handle living like this anymore. Nonetheless. Now i feel like a piece of shit. It sucks. I feel horrible. Alone. What have I done? The people that I came out to we don't really talk anymore. This is my only outlet. My heart is pumping faster than normal bc i hurt another human being that didn't deserve it. I broke her heart. I gave my all to the relationship. I was faithful. But in the end I feel i should of just stayed single.
Sounds like a hard position to be in, and that it would be hard no matter which way it could have gone. Relationships can be wonderful but take a lot of work and do come with a price. Love yourself. We can always second-guess our decisions, and to an extent that is bad and to an extent we should do healthy reflection. Remember the world we live in can pull us in multiple directions at the same time and that makes things hard. We all inherit different circumstances, but everyone still deserves good and something new is always around the corner. Love yourself, hope you can feel some optimism, but venting things out is important!!
It’s understandable that you will both be hurt at the moment and it will take some time to adjust. However, if you had stayed together it wouldn’t have necessarily prevented hurt and pain. There’s the possibility that resentment would have grown and you would both have been unfulfilled. At least, when you’re ready, you can now both find people that you are more compatible with. Take care of yourself.