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Finally came out to my parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by LostLion, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. LostLion

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    I've posted a little about my struggles with my sexuality, my battle with depression and struggling to come out to family over the years on this forum. I've posted a few coming out stories (i.e. when I came out to my sister, my fraternity brothers etc...). I posted a lot of this under the anon category, but some in this subforum as well.

    So, naturally, I am obliged to post about me coming out to my parents after an 11 year journey
    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I finally came out to my parents on Jan. 29th. I was in a different state for a 2-week work trip. We had a few days off in between the two weeks of work and I got drunk (I know, not ideal for coming out... lol) and my parents called me after I got back to the hotel.

    I was out with co-workers but there's a lot of tension between everyone. My employer is kind of a toxic environment. So I was in a ranting mood. Part of why my dad called was to check on me because I went on this trip I had a bunch of major panic and anxiety attacks. And my depression has come back in full force after being dormant for a lot of 2017.

    So, once I picked up the conversation quickly turned into me ranting about my job, my depression, how I hated myself etc... Eventually we started arguing over where my life was going and I eventually said that I couldn't move forward in my life until I told him something. (Translation: I was a drunk mess and eventually decided I wanted to come out).

    So, I tell him that I am bisexual. And that I had a preference for men. Prob the hardest thing I've ever told my dad. My family are traditionalist and we are a family of immigrants. In our family and our community, homophobia, bi-phobia and general hatred of LGBT was very much present.

    I was expecting him to hate me, disown me, yell at me etc..because he had always bashed LGBT people and had a history of making very derogatory and homophobic comments over the years.

    Instead he was kind of accepting and told me that he loved me and that he wouldn't disown me. I knew that things would be weird for a while because this man had just hated LGBT people minutes before my coming out and all of a sudden (for him) he had an LGBT son.

    He asked me if I wanted my mom to know and I said yes, but I wanted him to tell her since I was a drunk mess. So he told her and she called me the next morning and told me the same things he told me: that she loved me and that she wouldn't disown me. My mom was always less anti-LGBT compared to my dad so I knew she would be more ok with it.

    I don't think either of them understand the concept of bisexuality, but they are trying to learn about it and understand it. I've had a small argument with my mom over what bisexuality was and if I could "choose to like girls more." But, generally, its been a pretty decent experience. Never thought it would be a positive experience.

    Things feel weird right now, but it is a good weird. I hope my experience kind of makes sense. I tried to sum it up into a somewhat small essay (lol). I left a lot of details out, but this is the general idea of what happened.

    My sexuality struggles were a big part of my battles with depression and I'm definitely still very messed up in terms of happiness and my career, but I hope that this was a step in the right direction.
     
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  2. Naters2000

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    I’m really glad that it went well! I’m glad that your parents weren’t irrational. Also, I hope your depression gets better. (Haha sorry about my not very insightful comment, usually they’re a lot better :wink:)
     
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  3. LostLion

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    Haha thank you. appreciate the comment. When I told one of my fraternity brothers and some of my friends they wanted me to have some crazy insightful or deep response to my parents reaction and I was just kind of like "I had the best sleep of my life that night"
     
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  4. PatrickUK

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    Congratulations on coming out, even if you did it while you was a bit drunk.

    Be patient and give your parents time to adjust. It's quite a lot for them to take in, but they haven't gone berserk or thrown you out of their lives and it sounds like they are trying to understand. You could point them to the PFLAG website if they need more information, advice or support.
     
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  5. LostLion

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    Thank you! and I agree, they definitely need time to adjust and get used to the idea. We already talked about not talking about it w/ other family members because they wouldn't be accepting at this point in time.