1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feelings for a friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jj2047, Jun 24, 2020.

  1. jj2047

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello guys, hope you guys are having a good evening. If you don’t know my backstory, I don’t necessarily like labels, but I’m attracted to women. I was hoping that by writing this out, I could gain some advice and insight. I have feelings for a friend, but she’s not available. I’m having trouble maintaining the friendship because of my feelings for her, I resorted to creating distance between us but I feel bad every time she reaches out because I feel like such a bad friend for not putting in the same effort as her, there are times that I want to tell her my feelings, but I end up going back and forth and I feel so helpless at the moment. Then I beat up myself for not being able to tell her and feel like I can’t be vulnerable with my feelings. I just don’t know what to do. Can you guys provide any insight or support for a distressed person at the moment?

    Thanks
     
  2. out4now

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2014
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi there,

    Sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone in this situation, it’s actually quite common.

    I’m in the same boat and I have been scouring all the forums available on the subject in the hopes it would help.

    The same advices keep popping up:

    - take time for yourself
    - keep busy

    One of the article I read about it really stuck with me. I hope it’s ok to post it here -
    https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/dealing-with-unrequited-love/

    And I hope it helps you a little as I’m terrible at giving advice.

    All the best and keep looking up :slight_smile:
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    2,894
    Likes Received:
    1,293
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I would second keeping busy and taking time for yourself.

    Could you tell you’re friend that you’re going through something (and you can be vague, say you don’t want to talk about it) and that you need some space?
     
  4. ErinS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2018
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey there,

    I’ve been on the receiving end of the distancing because of confused feelings. 3 years later and I still haven’t gotten a word of what went wrong or why she stopped talking to me. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her. If she’s not interested then at least you know and at least she knows what is going on. Personally, It’s excruciating living in limbo and so hard to gain closure.
     
  5. ErinS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2018
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey there,

    I’ve been on the receiving end of the distancing because of confused feelings. 3 years later and I still haven’t gotten a word of what went wrong or why she stopped talking to me. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her. If she’s not interested then at least you know and at least she knows what is going on. Personally, It’s excruciating living in limbo and so hard to gain closure.
     
  6. ErinS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2018
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey there,

    I’ve been on the receiving end of the distancing because of confused feelings. 3 years later and I still haven’t gotten a word of what went wrong or why she stopped talking to me. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her. If she’s not interested then at least you know and at least she knows what is going on. Personally, It’s excruciating living in limbo and so hard to gain closure.