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Feeling somewhat detached from my partner.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Oddish, Dec 28, 2014.

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  1. Oddish

    Oddish Guest

    Not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this or not, but anyway.

    My girlfriend and I have been together for two years in February, and I love her entirely, but at times I feel rather... detached(?), in the sense, that, I need a break from her every so often. It's not that I'm bored or anything, but I almost feel 'tied down' and overwhelmed. I feel like a majority of our time spent together has become mundane, or she wants more sex, and I've been all the less interested in sex lately--I'm actually questioning, still, whether or not I'm full-on asexual, but that's a story for another time.

    I don't know what happened all of a sudden, but now I feel like avoiding her and retreating to my own space. I only visited her on Christmas because it was the proper thing to do, although I became very worn out towards the end of the day and just wanted to go back home and play video games or read.

    My major dilemma is that I can't see us ever being separated. We're planning on moving in together next year, but if I consistently want time to myself, I'm really not sure if living with each other will help mend that, or make things even worse. I don't even know why I'm feeling like this, exactly. If it's depression, or possibly my ADD--maybe I'm just not "with it" lately. I find myself glancing more at other people, daydreaming about other crushes/people I find attractive, although I doubt I'd pursue anything at this point.

    At the moment I feel like I'd prefer to be alone and I'm not sure how to navigate it all. Especially considering how sporadic our sex life has been, and how I can't seem to satisfy her enough since I'm really not that keen on it. At all. And she wants to spend more time with me (not in a clingy way, by the way) - but I feel so disinterested. I love her dearly, I really, really do, but for some reason I'm being negligent and lazy. I almost feel like being single again would bring me more freedom and peace of mind, not having to be tied down to a partner and expected to do things, but meh.

    I don't know what to think about all of this.
     
    #1 Oddish, Dec 28, 2014
  2. poetofdarkness

    poetofdarkness Guest

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    Maybe just take a break. Like go for a holiday alone or something. See some sights, experience new things. Explain to her that sometimes you just need to be by yourself.
     
    #2 poetofdarkness, Dec 28, 2014
  3. Aspen

    Aspen
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    How about trying something new with her? Not something sexual, just something spontaneous that the two of you haven't done before. It could be something as simple as going to a zoo or museum that you've never been to for a day, or going away for a weekend holiday.

    If the problem is needing something to yourself, poet's advice sounds good. Or you could pick up a new hobby, something just for yourself.
     
    #3 Aspen, Dec 28, 2014
  4. Sartoris

    Sartoris
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    It seems very common for partners to need personal time, desiring that isn't inherently a bad thing. If you're in the habit of spending or having spent alot of time with one another, which seems a given since you both share a dorm room, then as the others have mentioned it'd probably be good to either take a break and/or do something out of the usual routines so whatever time you've together won't feel mundane. As far as moving in together and reconciling that with needing time for yourself, don't think that'd be impossible. It's just a matter of talking things out with your girlfriend, and continuing to establish boundaries.

    Though if these feelings haven't been gradual and have occurred all of a sudden, it sounds like you're concern is more than just needing space but whether something has or is going on. Is it just your girlfriend in particular or do you feel worn down from social interaction in general? Depression can very much be influencing all this and in addition perhaps you've focused more because she is a prominent figure in your life, and that you'd feel similarly toward anyone who you saw anywhere near as frequently.

    In noticing other people more, maybe it's less a desire to have a relationship with someone else but wanting other people to spend time with, when you feel like it, aside from your girlfriend. Getting back to your relationship and that your girlfriend wants to spend more time with you, would again just emphasize the importance of having a conversation about this if you haven't already. 'Cause alot of these sort of concerns always come down to communication.

    Hope I could be of some help. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Sartoris, Dec 29, 2014
  5. Alvina

    Alvina
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    I think you should just break it off with her. I've been in her shoes and I remember always just wishing my partner had broken it off instead of me feeling dragged along. Of course, I do not know your girlfriend and she probably wouldn't want what I would've wanted.

    Maybe the others above me are right, it's simply a matter of space and communication.
     
    #5 Alvina, Dec 31, 2014
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