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Feeling particularly down

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dave3030, Aug 13, 2020.

  1. Dave3030

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    I’ve come to accept over the last few weeks/months that due to my controlling family I will never be able to come out. I will never be able to have a relationship, I will never be able to have friends.

    I’ve no financial independence, and the likelihood is I never will. I’ve tried to work out a way I can change things, but there simply isn’t one.

    No one on this forum or any other has the answer.

    Yet I can’t stop thinking of what could be or what could’ve been. I feel there’s something wrong with me, as how can I be upset about not having what I’ve never had?

    Being gay has been the worst thing possible for me. I genuinely feel like I’ve been cursed.
     
  2. SevnButton

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    Hey @Dave3030 , I'm really sorry things are so bleak right now. You are absolutely right, being trapped is awful. Please keep posting here -- you write well about things a lot of us here have felt.
    =Sevn
     
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  3. Vesta

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    Unfortunately no forum can really have the answer to your situation. Sometimes the only thing that can resolve an issue is time, and for some, it can take far longer than would for others.

    There is nothing wrong with you. It's perfectly ok to be upset about not having what you've not had.You're quite entitled to wants and desires just like any other human being. Not being able to fulfil them can be incredibly upsetting.
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey sorry you are feeling so low at the moment, it must be tough. Are you working at the moment?
     
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  5. Dave3030

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    I work from home.
     
  6. HM03

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    I'm sorry you're feeling so down lately :frowning2: Is your family controlling over your job/financial situation and friends? Or strictly over your sexuality/relationships?
     
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  7. Dave3030

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    Everything. I don’t know why they are, I think their intentions are good, but it’s hard to feel like I’ve no freedom.
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Dave3030,

    I’m sorry to hear that things are still really difficult for you. I’ve not been in your position, but I have been in an abusive relationship. To get out of that situation, the first steps I took were:

    1. Start therapy. My therapist was very understanding of my situation and my partner never knew I was speaking to a therapist. I had to pay, but I feel that it was very much worth it. My therapist was happy to have a brief chat on the phone before we actually started therapy, so I could get a feel for whether it was a good fit.

    2. Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. I know they are primarily set up to support people being abused within relationships/marriages, but you’ve got nothing to lose by giving them a call and they might be able to offer you some suggestions on what to do next.

    3. Contact Citizens Advice. They might be able to over you practical advice about housing, etc. or any local services that could support you.

    Have you tried any of these already? Are you able to save some money each month so that you can work towards moving out?
     
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  9. LostInDaydreams

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    Or possibly Respect Men’s Advice Line, would be more suitable.
     
  10. Dave3030

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    Thanks for the response. I don’t earn enough to move out any time soon unfortunately.
     
  11. LostInDaydreams

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    I know it can feel impossible, but moving out later would be better than never. Keep saving a little here and a little there. It will add up.
     
  12. silverhalo

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    Have you ever spoken to citizens advice about your scenario? There may be some support you can get in order to get yourself out of that house.