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Feeling dysphoric, it hurts

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hillary B, Aug 12, 2018.

  1. Hillary B

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    uk
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Please understand I don't want to be less than positive and bring anyone down this Sunday night and all. Fact is however I do feel terribly gender dysphoric at the moment. The opposit to this is the only place I want to be: gender euphoric. I find it so hard to come out to anyone but at least I have told 3 or is it 4 human beings I am genderfluid. It is wonderful even if their advice hasn't quite done it for me. I guess I can also count a lovely lady in our charity shop in town who watched me try on a skirt and was so nice about it when I came out in male clothes. That's about it not a rant but I do wish I could be brave and wear makeup more often etc etc - It does hurt trying to deny the woman in me. Please offer encouragement if you can I really need it I feel emotional inside it affects my family relationships, everything. I am meant to be best man at my brother's wedding. How can I tell him I want to turn up as maid of honour as it were? I can't. It won't stop me wearing black eyeliner to the wedding but do people notice, will they comment at me it frightens me to be put on the spot like they'll say: 'Hey weirdo you're wearing eyeliner what's the story?' I would like to tell that story but I just can't at the moment but I wish I had the balls - ha ha - to do so.
     
  2. Eveline

    Full Member

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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Try to remember that in time, everyone around you will know who you are behind the mask. Every step that you take is one step closer to achieving your goals. So even if you are forced to hide who you are right now because you aren't ready yet to come out. It is fine, it says nothing about you and nothing about how far you will eventually go. Find in the steps that you have made already and understand that this is only the beginning of your journey.

    How to cope with dysphoria. Gender expression, listening to music that you love, watching films or tv series or playing video games that you enjoy, talking to people that you trust and sharing with others help quite a bit, sleep is also a good solution. Pretty much anything that you can use to distract yourself. Time will pass and what you feel now will be a distant memory.

    I hope you feel better soon. (Hug)
     
    emerry and Hillary B like this.
  3. Hillary B

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2017
    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    47
    Location:
    uk
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Eveline - that's a really lovely response. Thank you so much. And yes I get a lot of solace online - both here at EC and in many other portals that share with those who feel dysphoric/trans/genderfluid call it what you will. All my life I have had the woman within and I have come out to 6 people face to face, and many online. Okay 2 of those 6 were therapists! Any other advice from you Eveline, or any other EC member greatfullly reciieved *big love* Hillary