Please understand I don't want to be less than positive and bring anyone down this Sunday night and all. Fact is however I do feel terribly gender dysphoric at the moment. The opposit to this is the only place I want to be: gender euphoric. I find it so hard to come out to anyone but at least I have told 3 or is it 4 human beings I am genderfluid. It is wonderful even if their advice hasn't quite done it for me. I guess I can also count a lovely lady in our charity shop in town who watched me try on a skirt and was so nice about it when I came out in male clothes. That's about it not a rant but I do wish I could be brave and wear makeup more often etc etc - It does hurt trying to deny the woman in me. Please offer encouragement if you can I really need it I feel emotional inside it affects my family relationships, everything. I am meant to be best man at my brother's wedding. How can I tell him I want to turn up as maid of honour as it were? I can't. It won't stop me wearing black eyeliner to the wedding but do people notice, will they comment at me it frightens me to be put on the spot like they'll say: 'Hey weirdo you're wearing eyeliner what's the story?' I would like to tell that story but I just can't at the moment but I wish I had the balls - ha ha - to do so.