I guess this is mostly a vent/whine. I've been breaking out in tears randomly the past couple of weeks and tonight I just can't seem to stop. It could partially be hormonal, I've been going through perimenopause the past couple of years. But there's also so much going on and I feel like I'm barely staying afloat. My teenager, the person I love most in the world is having serious mental health issues and nothing seems to work. I can't force him to want to recover, and it's so frustrating to watch him suffer and not be able to help. It seemed it was getting better but we had a setback and it's just so hard to deal with. My husband and I are not on the same page about this at all and granted that I'm a lesbian I never really had that much desire for him and our sexual relationship has been more or less non-existent for years but we were at least friends and but now I'm just so fed up that everything he does just annoys me. I've been stuck with my kid and my husband since lockdown with little respite and it's wearing me down. I've allowed myself to become isolated over the years to the point that I hardly have anyone to talk to, I do reach out to people sometimes but it feels that so few people bother to reach out to me, not even my own family. If I don't call or text them they won't call or text me to find out how I am. I have some friends in online groups but it's the same thing, very few people reach out to ask how I'm doing. At the moment there is one person who seems to actually care about what's going on and who doesn't mind when I talk to her about these things but I'm afraid of burdening her too much because she has her own issues and stress. I had another friend, one who I felt really close to for a while, who was very dear to me and who I could talk to about anything but then I made things weird by developing a crush on her and we still talk but I don't feel I can burden her with all this right now because things are still delicate between us. I don't know how much she still cares about me as a friend or if I maybe drove her away by caring about her too much, I don't want to ask her right now because I don't want to make things worse but sometimes it really hurts a lot because my mind often tends to assume the worst when I feel insecure about a relationship so some days I'll feel ok about it and other days I'll be full of doubt. I'm also dealing with the realization that I'm lesbian and although it was freeing to admit it it's still another burden because I still have so many feelings of shame about it. I have an appointment with a counselor but it's not for a few weeks and right now I'm just hurting inside and don't know where to turn.