Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Dinah, May 7, 2014.
On my way to CO.
I'm sad tonight and I don't know why. I don't have any reason to be. I really just feel like crying right now for no reason.
Know this feeling all too well!
I remember back in 6th grade, there was a schoolmate Nathan who approached me one day and just matter-of-factly told me he was going to call me Suzy (spelling?). It was such a bold blunt statement, it was like getting smacked in the face by a wet fish. It was so absurd I didn't feel the need to be bothered by it but I think looking back I might have enjoyed that just a little bit. I kinda liked the non-negative attention, not that it was necessarily "positive". This was one of those rare moments growing up where I didn't perceive any sort of hostility or judgment and baseless hatred towards me.
---------- Post added 18th Jan 2015 at 08:03 AM ----------
I met a local transwoman at the gender support group recently, and had no trouble perceiving her as the woman she identified as. In talking with my friend about the encounter, I really struggled with referring to that person in the proper gender-specific context, and I feel a bit shamed for that.
It wasn't that I had any biased or misunderstanding or bigoted attitude about her or other transgendered people but more that old social conditioning just kinda boiled up and I was stumbling over my words. I'm not very good at oratory conversation already and then when I was trying to discuss the encounter I simply had trouble wrapping my mind around it.
Her story is not too different from mine, she was hetero-married (as a he), angry at herself, angry at others, etc. and I enjoyed talking to her face to face about transgender issues.
It's one thing to use proper gender pronouns online because the conversation is carried out in a play by play back and forth structure. Words can be retracted, revised. There's a deliberateness to online commentary. It is utterly impossible to "accidentally" belittle and minimize other people in the online community.
When in a face to face social setting those failsafes are not there, at least not in the same way, kindness and compassionate acceptance of others very much requires an active intent and effort. So much so that my mouth struggles to keep pace with so many rapidfire thoughts and words and ideas in my mind, sometimes resulting in a cascade failure of catastrophic proportions.
Thanks very much facebook for reminding me that I'll never get to be a mother and have kids of my own...
Gonna go hate myself some more.
And now my wife is making me watch ballet workout exercise videos....
So... I came out to my dad.
It went really well.
*you can't see it but I'm having a dance party of one in my head right now.
Congratulations, that's awesome :icon_bigg
So I hit up Rue 21 yesterday, after much ecouragement and moral support from some of the local trans community. Finally got up the nerve to actually buy this amazingly comfortable and stylish shirt/skirt combo. Picture posted awaiting mod approval.
Feelin' so awesome right meow!!!!
---------- Post added 24th Jul 2015 at 07:41 AM ----------
P.S. I am so totally wearing this until I head off to work.
Came out to my boss yesterday, (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
Gonna try getting therapist letters soon, want to start transitioning no later than early next year. Still need to get insurance but hopefully wont be too difficult.
Good luck with letters and all of those fun hoops.
Right? Yeah middle aged straight bureaucrats controlling my life.
Meeting with therapist on monday.
Come on Monday, I know everybody hates you but could you hurry up and get here faster please. Please please please???
You're Definetely coming out of your shell. I see a lot of confidence in you.
Slowly getting there, trying to find private trans-friendly insurance in Arkansas is proving to be quite challenging. Meanwhile I really want to go shopping again. And again. And again......
First time I went shopping, when I bought that skirt/blouse in profile pic, wandered into Banana Republic and saw this quote on the wall. Didn't buy anything from BR but seeing that really helped with the anxiety, and a bit of moral support from other transfolk on facebook.
Was walking on air by the time I left the mall that day.
Stressed about trying to find trans health insurance, I just want to not exist right now. Feeling very low.