some times i feel very down and alone that i go to a club and allow men to abuse me which gives a respite from the loneliness but the feelings of being dirty afterwards makes me angry with myself, i make promises not to do this again but the knowing that the loneliness will come back, means i am in a spiral that im having trouble to control.
hey!please dont be so hard on yourself (easier said than done!). when i do things that i later feel bad about doing and end up in a spiral like the one you mention what helps me is to try and not judge myself too harshly. you acknoledge what you have done and understand, as you clearly identify, that you do this not because you hate yourself but because you feel lonely and that is a extremely painful feeling! i send you all my love and always remember we are in this together! the whole of EC is with you and you are not alone although it might feel like it at times! xxx
