1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Fantasy versus reality. Am I really gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by JonathanW, May 19, 2019.

  1. JonathanW

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2019
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Denver
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m married, closeted and I know I am attracted to men physically. I fantasize about being with a hot, sweet guy, but I cannot imagine actually living with one.
    I love my ‘classic’ family life, our kids, everything feels balanced and good except for the intense hot romance on my part. Does that mean I am gay? Or Bi? Or hetero with physical issues? So afraid to do anything with my feelings not knowing what it might potentially destroy. Advice would be awesome!
     
  2. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi JonathanW,

    I noticed in the little description box to the left of your message that you identify as gay...does this mean the question is resolved in your mind? I also noticed that you mentioned your kids in your "classic" family life...but no mention of your wife...

    Having been there, I know of what you speak. There is indeed comfort and safety in living the conventional life, and, heaven knows, that is not something to sneeze at in this unstable and increasingly hostile world. You have no doubt invested a lot of time and effort to achieve this "balanced and good" state of being, why throw that away?

    No one could, or should tell you what to do with this attraction, or whether it will evolve into something more serious. My "liberation", so to speak, has been costly and exhausting, but I am living according to what I feel is important. i.e. I had to decide that living my life according to what I have chosen to value, my own truth of living life as a gay man was in the end worth it.

    There are so few things in this life that we truly have control over...sexuality is certainly not one of them...but we can choose what we value, and we can then choose to live with and accept the consequences.

    The most difficult path we can follow, but the most rewarding, is radical honesty, followed by an acceptance of the consequences, followed by doing the hard, difficult work to make that choice work for you...there is no other way. However, this is not an obligatory path...it really only ever depends on what principles you choose to live by.

    No one but you can make that choice; just realize that the choice is about what you value above all else...