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Fantasy that conflicts with sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mollyismyname, Jun 26, 2017.

  1. Mollyismyname

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    I've given on up on trying to define my sexuality with a label, but almost the sole reason for that is that I have this weird fantasy/longing/instinct/whatever for men, although I don't really feel attracted to them.

    I don't really feel like men are physically attractive to me. I can see they look good, but that's it. Penis is a bit offputting, and so is the idea of having sex/a relationship with a guy. Women however is wonderful in every aspect, sexy and I find the "universe" of lesbian sex awesome. I've often masturbated to good-looking women.

    However, I get turned on by the idea of ME having sex with a man, and being penetrated by one, and get kinda/sorta/maybe turned off by the idea of having sex with a woman. I want to have sex with women A LOT, but it's sort of like I have an instinct that this is wrong/a turn-off. When I fantasize about women, I just find them sexy, and don't imagine doing things with them. With men, it's the opposite: I don't want to have sex with them, I don't find them good-looking, but the idea of having sex with a guy is just something my body kind of wants? Ugh, this makes no sense...

    It's kinda of like I've heard of a woman who doesn't want to have any children on an intellectual level. Yet, she feels like her body wants to be pregnant, a sort of biological clock.

    I'm a woman btw.

    I don't really know. I'm a virgin, and I just feel like going out and having sex with a man and then with a woman just to test it. But I feel like I would have a major identity crisis (feels awful now that I've just advocated for label-free sexuality that shouldn't require identity-crisises...) if I enjoyed sex with men more.

    I think my ideal sexlife would be a monogamous relationship with a woman, then trying a threesome with a man to see if it was something for me... I don't know.
     
  2. EverDeer

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    There is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. Is it perhaps that you want to have sex with a man but aren't "attracted" to them because you see yourself having no bond to them and therefore wouldn't desire to continue having sex with them? Or, you're physically attracted to women and would love to be in an emotional relationship with one but feel that the sex would be awkward because you don't know how to picture it since all your life you've only ever been shown examples of heterosexual sex being appealing? Because that could be ingrained homophobia.

    That is how I felt as well, I assumed doing things with a woman would be gross or weird but I still had the urge to do it.... and when I did, it wasn't weird or gross at all, but even when I'm not continually having sex with a woman, I have a hard time picturing it as being fulfilling, which I think is because my brain wants to go back to that idea that it's gross (since society sees gay sex as gross / not as fulfilling as penetrative sex with a penis) even though I don't think it's gross... it's a disconnect between what I feel and what I was taught.

    Also, maybe it would help to re-imagine sex with a woman that is penetrative? Strap-on's and dildo's exist for this reason hahah... I can understand your innate feeling desire to have this type of sex with a man potentially due to the upbringing that reproducing is most important and therefore is most fulfilling, even if you aren't attracted to men's looks or personalities.

    Sometimes, being bisexual includes being attracted to one gender only sexually, and another gender only emotionally.... or, two genders sexually but only one gender emotionally, or visa versa.... but only you can answer that in time :slight_smile:
     
  3. Humbly Me

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    My opinion is this sounds like Internalized homophobia or bierasure. It is, from what I have heard, common for people to find a disconnect in fantasies compared to what they are physically comfortable with until they are publicly out and have fully digested their sexuality. My best advice is to just not worry about labeling yourself and do whatever makes you feel comfortable at the time, making sure you don't suppress any feelings.