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Family lied to me.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Just1Dude, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. Just1Dude

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    I came out to my immediate family about a year ago.

    I was told things like..
    -You are my brother, I still love you!
    -Screw what everyone else thinks!
    -You are my son and I love you.
    -It doesn't matter!

    When I was a preteen my oldest brother came up to me and told me it was okay to be gay if I was. He just wants me to be happy.

    My Mom suggested a guy to me.

    etc.. etc.. etc..

    I was feeling really lucky considering so many problems people have with telling their families. I was excited to find someone and involve them in my life and my families life.

    Tonight that may have changed. One of my brothers came to me and while we were talking I was telling him about feeling depressed and that I had a feeling living in my hometown was causing a lot of stress and anxiety for me (I would probably get attacked here). He then told me that the family was still flipping out about it, and I thought he meant extended family. He told me that they were calling me unbiblical, I'm going to Hell, I am living in sin, how they all needed to pray for me etc etc.., the normal BS.

    This coming from a family I have always been behind. My oldest brother has been divorced 3 times, and has had children out of wedlock, my mother and father are divorced, my two other brothers have been in and out of prison so many times I have lost count (10+) for meth possession and soooo many other things. When one of my brothers was drinking and driving, he got into a wreck and his best friend died. That was his first time in prison. I remember how tore up I was at 8 years old and how I couldn't see him and how confused I was. I was already suffering through depression then, and that was the first time I tried to kill myself.

    I am 32 now and not much has changed at all. ATM we are trying to get one of my brothers to turn himself in for another warrant, and my other brother is married to someone he can't stand and another ...is just a mess. I have done my best for them, even with my life being threatened (drug dealers from them not paying).

    I am way to far into being an adult to stunt my happiness anymore. I wasn't expecting such a great reaction when I first told them. I have been living in a false state the past year. I don't expect everyone to be happy with it, but I don't want to be lied to. I don't want to be treated like the little 12 year old boy anymore they have to lie to to "protect" also, what if my brother is lying to me? He is a huge mess.

    Right now the family is in turmoil.. again. I don't want to rear my head with this crap right now... or ever. I just want to go away. I want to move far away. I am stuck right now. I went back to college to finish up an associates because I never got to finish my first. I was too busy trying to be there for my Mom dealing with her abusive ex-husband she married (who abused both of us). I also STUPIDLY bought a home because I thought I could be happy here. I bought it to remodel and eventually sell to move. Now I just want to kick it into high gear just to GTFO.

    I have one year left... just one year. I can do this. I've dealt with this for so many years, I can do one more without ending up in the hospital. I can keep this news to myself because who knows who is telling the truth. One of these days I will be happy?

    I wasn't expecting to rant this much. I know so many others have it a lot worse than I do. Even though they are lying to me, I know they still love me. I just wish they would have been upfront about it so we could have dealt with it then. I was manipulated because they want me to stay here so they can fix me.

    I don't know how to feel.
     
  2. DRobs

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    It tool my Mom years to finally accept that I'm gay. Then it took years to accept my partner and actually care about him.
    People deal with things differently. Just have to let them deal with it.
     
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  3. OGS

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    I don't think you need to jump to the conclusion that they lied. Obviously I don't know your family but it sounds to me more like they love you in their own way and want you to be happy and want to be alright with things, but working through their own stuff about it has been harder than they thought and they have (until whatever happened with your brother) wisely chosen not to burden you with what are essentially their own issues. When I came out twenty-five years ago my parents said they didn't really understand it but they loved me and they just wanted me to be happy and to be able to live a life of honesty and love. They've never given me any reason to doubt the sincerity of that. I also know that my Mother was physically ill over the news for at least a week when it happened--I didn't find that out about until years later. People have their own issues and people who care about you try not to drag you into their issues. They worked through it and came to really appreciate how I came into my own once I came out--and I know for a fact that my husband became one of my Mother's favorite people in the whole world.
     
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  4. Confoozed

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    I understand that all too well it sucks when your family uses Christianity against you when they themselves are not exactly perfect examples of the faith. Just don't let them get to you no matter how much they try to condemn you know that only God can judge us no-one else. Maybe they are narcissists like my family I don't know but usually those type of people like to point the wrong out in others to make themselves feel better about all they've done, like maybe it's a reelection of the fact that they are worried they'll not go to heaven for all they've done so they turn it around and put it on you. God speaks love not hate, I hope you can get through this difficult time in your life...
     
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  5. Guywest79

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    Thanks for sharing.....sometimes move could be good..justthink.it thru....sorry for unsupportive family....i feel for you and your pain
     
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