Hi, it's been a while since I've posted here. I'm ftm and in my early 20s. I'm 4 months on testosterone and am going to change my name soon. I'm worried about how my family will react. I'm seeing my t doctor next week and I'm going to ask her if she'll write my letter so I can change my gender marker. She'll need to put my name in the letter so I need to decide asap. I think I want to change my last name. I've always liked my mom's maiden name better. My current last name (that I got from my dad) is hard to spell and difficult for people to pronounce. It's also really uncommon so people from my hometown would be able to find me and I don't want them to. When I was 14 and came up with my name, I assumed I'd take my mom's maiden name. My name doesn't sound right with my dad's last name on it. I'm worried about how my dad will react. We don't have a good relationship. He was an angry drunk and I moved out as soon as I could. He used to yell at me all the time no matter what I did and nothing I ever did was good enough. Through the majority of my life, I felt like he hated me. We rarely talk. He'll call me every few months to check in and we'll talk for ten minutes. I haven't told him I'm trans yet. I don't know how to. He's said some questionable things in the past so I'm not sure he'll accept me. I think telling him I'm changing my last name will make it worse. He'd probably see it as something personal and think I'm siding with my mother or something weird. (My parent's divorced when I was 18 and I've lived with my mom since then. If there were sides, I'm obviously on hers since he was such a jerk throughout my childhood.) It's nothing personal though. It's me trying to get a fresh start. Changing my name is my way of getting rid of the old me. Another issue is that I'd be the only one with the last name. My mom took my dad's last name when they got married and she never changed it back. My sister and I were both born after they got married so we have the same last name. My aunt on my mom's side got married and had kids so they have their father's last name. My grandma on my mom's side is the only person in my immediate family with this last name. Would it be weird to have a different last name than my whole family? Would that make things like insurance weird? My car is registered to my mom, would that make things complicated? My granddad (mom's dad) died when I was 18. He was the only positive male role model I had. Taking his last name would be my way of honoring him. (My middle name is his first name so if I don't change my last name, he's still in there). Should I just suck it up and keep my current last name? I'm worried that changing it will make my relationship with my dad worse. But keeping it will make me unhappy. I already have issues with my dad so maybe I should just go for it? I don't know why I'm still trying to appease him. Nothing I do is ever good enough and it's seriously messed up my mental health. But cutting ties with him seems wrong. All my family on his side died when I was young so I won't be keeping my name for them. I'm probably going to talk to my mom about it but I don't talk about trans stuff much. It makes me nervous to talk about it. I want to start changing my documents soon so I can be myself in 2020. Any advice? Thanks.
Hello there, If you want to change your name, go for it. You shouldn’t be forced to keep your dad’s last name. If your mom’s maiden name fits better with your new name, then go for it. I don’t think it would really matter because you haven’t had a good relationship with him, so don’t feel obligated to,
It sounds like you're leaning towards changing your last name to your mom's maiden name, and I don't think that would be too weird to have a different last name than your immediate family. People change their names for various reasons (marriages, divorces, etc), I don't think insurance would be too big of a deal, but if you or your mom could contact them before hand regarding your concerns, I think they'd probably be pretty understanding.
