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Falling for Straight Guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Stormie79, Nov 13, 2015.

  1. Stormie79

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    Hello everyone,

    I know this is not a ground breaking news but I am interested in your thoughts, mainly because I am somewhat still interested in this man.

    You see, a two weeks ago, at 1pm I have the courage and decided to send him a text, asking him , 'have you dated a guy before?' He replied 'I was thinking of you this morning.' I was so happy so I asked him ' do you want to explore possibilities with me, to which I did not received a response. When I did not hear from him at 7pm, I became dejected and text him 'I know what you mean...with a goodbye emoticon'. Suddenly he replied 'which horses are you looking for tomorrow :wink:.' He was referring to the Melbourne Cup horse race. I did not reply.

    So when he did not reach out 3 days later, I texted him with a funny joke to which he replied, and I eased into another question asking if he is not interested in me, why can't you say so as a friend, I am ok with that. He replied saying "you are one of my favorite people in this world". I am still confused by that.

    The next day I decided to text him quite a long message of appreciation for what he has done before. I guess I just want to reinforce the positive energy between us and see if there is a connection. He replied ":slight_smile:, oh so nice of you to say so!" I do hope you enjoy working in the new office." His message felt somewhat polite.

    Just a backdrop to all of these. We used to work together in the same company. During this time we often joked, make each other laugh, and flirt a lot. Our jokes are always sexually charged. He was married and divorced and had a break up with a girl before. Last I heard they got back together. But then our flirt didn't stop. He will always stay close to me, put his hands on my shoulders, and at one point slightly pad me on my penis when I was standing behind me. I groped his ass before and he didn't even flinch. During my last day he was the only one that hugged me and asked to keep in touch. I suggested exchanging numbers. 4 days later he text me.

    We have not exchanged text for a week now as I want to give all of us some space. I am not quite sure what to do with all these information. At this point I do not have the courage to ask him out cause I felt I have been doing all the pursuing and it only makes sense if a guy is doing some chasing as well if he is keen. But if he is keen I should be hearing from him now. If he is not he would just tell me directly. I know we tend to joke around and overstepped boundaries but surely straight guys would not carry it this far. I am quite confused.

    Anyone can share your thoughts?
     
  2. SonicBoom

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    Hi Stormie, welcome to EC.

    Your friend sounds like a closeted bisexual to me.

    If he and his girlfriend are back together the best thing on earth for you to do is STAY AWAY from them.

    You friend may just end up getting into an affair with you and end up using you for sex. Affairs ultimately just hurt all parties involved.



    If he is no longer in a relationship, I don't see any problems with pursuing the situation "further". (if you know what I mean ) *wink*

    If you decide to take this further, you should drop hints and leave the ball in his "court".

    I wish you the best. (*hug*)
     
  3. Stormie79

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    Thanks Sonic boom.

    He did say he had got back with his ex. But I am unsure if he said so to make me jealous or for real. It happened during the time when I joked about introducing my girl friend to him. He looked annoyed and quickly mentioned he got back with his ex. Then I was so pissed I said well but she looked so old! Lol, that was mean of me. Then I went alway, sat down and fuming. I think he noticed that and started laughing. From there I gathered he knows that I like him, felt like a test!

    With him I always feel there is this constant push and pull. He can be all warm and touchy one day and the next just indifferent. One thing for sure is he is quite scared of me for some reasons, scared of hurting my feelings.

    One of a good example of his push and pull was when I gifted him a vinyl record. The day before I trip to a place called kangaroo valley, upon knowing this he said there is a favorite store he likes there where he can buy old records. He said I should buy him something there. And I did, when I have no idea what he liked. I felt he would like bob Dylan for some strange reason so I bought it. When I returned, I whispered in his ear and asked if he like bob Dylan (mind you he didn't even look uncomfortable when I got close to whisper). Anyway, his eyes brightened up when I mentioned the gift, shocked that I know he does like bob Dylan.

    Anyway long story short the next day he asked where is the gift and I said I didn't bring it. He said why and I said I am not sure if he accept it out of politeness. As he went into his long silence I shouted , do you want it OR NOT! To which he replied softly , I want it. So I brought it into the office and shown it to him, but he said keep it. I looked into his eyes and said, you told me you want it with a glare. And he said yes I do, and I said , just take it. He took the bag and quickly ran to his seat. Not sure if he is scared being seen by anyone else in the office.

    Just thinking out loud here, if he just after sex he would have push for it in the beginning. So far he hasn't except for our usual sexual innuendo. Somehow we like to joke about Bdsm stuff.

    I am at the point of giving him space and myself.
     
  4. SonicBoom

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    Hi Stormie, give me a minute as I gaze into my crystal ball. :grin:

    In all seriousness, this what I think about the situation.

    One, he knows you are infatuated with him.

    Two, he is closeted bisexual who is unsure whether or not he wants to take the plunge and have sex with you. I think this is why he is "pushing and pulling".


    Best thing on earth to do is to not let him PLAY you and have no further contact with him.

    It sounds to me that if you continue to have contact with him , he will continue to PLAY you like a deck of cards.
     
  5. Stormie79

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    I know, many people come to that two conclusions. I just wonder for him to play me, it is so much an effort and energy on his side!

    Oh one more thing, there was a time when he pinched my nipple SO HARD!

    Is that something a straight guy will do?
     
  6. Stormie79

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    I know, many people come to that two conclusions. I just wonder for him to play me, it is so much an effort and energy on his side!

    Oh one more thing, there was a time when he pinched my nipple SO HARD!

    Is that something a straight guy will do?
     
  7. lampshade

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    HI, Stormie79
    he clearly has strong emotions for you, but he doesn't know what to do with them. I feel like he's just so confused with what he feels for you and to some point he doesn't want to think about it. because, him doing so, would just be, him opening a whole new can of worms per say. Something he might not want to tackle just yet or ever in his life.

    But every time he sees you or you text him.He wonders about his emotions about you to the point that he's kinda open to the idea of you both. but then life gets in the way. HIS LIFE.

    in the long run i think it's a losing battle
    sorry not trying to be a pessimist.
    At the end of the day i think you already feel where this situation is going.
     
  8. lampshade

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    HI, Stormie79
    he clearly has strong emotions for you, but he doesn't know what to do with them. I feel like he's just so confused with what he feels for you and to some point he doesn't want to think about it. because, him doing so, would just be, him opening a whole new can of worms per say. Something he might not want to tackle just yet or ever in his life.

    But every time he sees you or you text him.He wonders about his emotions about you to the point that he's kinda open to the idea of you both. but then life gets in the way. HIS LIFE.

    in the long run i think it's a losing battle
    sorry not trying to be a pessimist.
    At the end of the day i think you already feel where this situation is going.
     
  9. Stormie79

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    Thanks lampshade.

    I'm at the crossroads here. I have a group that asked me to stay away and move on, another asked me to go with the flow.

    I am not sure why he asked to keep in touch if he just think life gets in the way all the time. Is there a part of him that wants to challenge life?

    I do feel quite down at the moment because he hasn't made contact for a week now. I wonder what if this rolls onto 2 weeks, 3, Xmas and over a month? What will all these mean?

    Regardless I am quite happy that I didn't message him so far, which is quite strong on my part, and if I can endure this, it will create enough tension between us.

    Have you been through this before lampshade?
     
  10. GodlyArmadillo

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    I think you should ask him those questions once again, but in person. (You know, if he's dated guys, or if he's interested in you.) Why don't you try that?
     
  11. Stormie79

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    Hi Godly, I would like to ask him out but after his last cold distant message I just couldn't imagine myself texting him anymore. He would definitely think I am trying to press him again or something.
    Something tells me I won't hear from him again.
     
  12. lampshade

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    [me personally no but a dear friend of mine did. plus who hasn't fallen for a straight guy once or twice.]

    ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2015 at 10:13 PM ----------

    i think you should call/text him. have a day out and see how it goes
     
  13. Stormie79

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    Guys, not sure if you read my posts but I did mentioned that his last text were very polite and cold. It sounds like a goodbye text.
     
  14. Stormie79

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    Finally I have a "response" from that straight guy.

    I text him in the evening asking 'D, I like to catch up before Xmas with you, what do you think?" And I received no reply for an hour since.

    That really speaks volume about how he feels about us and the so called friendship! Funny I do not feel very sad at all!!!

    Thanks lampshade for the advice, luckily I did this right away. Save me thinking this over Xmas!!!

    Thanks everyone for listening, hopefully i won't be here writing about straight guys anymore!
     
  15. Superconffused

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    aye good for you man. I think I speak for all when I say these situations sucks no matter how they end and for you to come out of it without a broken heart is a blessing bro. Happy you came to some resolve cause most don't get there at all. Best of luck in the future.