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Extroverts and introverts

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Tightrope, May 6, 2018.

  1. Tightrope

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    Such a general question, I know, but do most individuals seem to do better with or prefer significant others who are much like they are? Other introverts and other extroverts? I have found that heavy duty extroverts wear me down in short order. Any ideas here?
     
  2. Choirboy

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    Oh yes.... One of the things that I found very attractive about my ex-wife was her complete ease working her way through a crowd of people, She knew everyone in the small-town venues that we frequented and seemed to gather energy as an event went on, rather than being rapidly drained of life and just wishing we could leave, as I did. I used to say I married her so I wouldn't end up the spooky old guy down the street with all the cats, who never leaves his house.

    The odd thing is, I actually get very chatty in a small group of people I know well and feel comfortable with, but once I'm done, I'm done. My partner is very much on the same wavelength, and it's much easier, because while he's very quiet and in a weird role reversal, I am now the more social one, we both last about the same time until we start to melt down and have to get back to the safety of our home and just sit quietly with the dog and cat and each other for awhile.

    And my ex? She found a guy who is totally comfortable working his way through a crowd, although he's still quieter than her (although I can't imagine ANYONE being MORE talkative than her), so we're both in a better place.
     
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  3. BiBarefeet

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    I think most of us guys have that experience with our wives lol...they are just better at opening up and socializing with others.
     
  4. signmypapyrus

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    I’m really introverted (like 100% prefers being on my own) and I prefer someone who is both introverted and extroverted, meaning can talk to people but doesn’t need people.

    I only had one partner who was extroverted and it was awful.
     
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  5. Tightrope

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    This. I can relate. I can open up with a small group of people and to get things done at a supermarket or auto mechanic but enough is enough. I believe some perceive me as more extroverted. I am definitely not. Most of my friends are introverts. I've had less problems with them.
     
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  6. smurf

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    I think its not a clear rule at all and it largely depends on your relationship dynamic.

    My husband is an extrovert and I'm an introvert to the max. When he needs to be around people he simply calls his friends and he goes to do his thing while I stay at home and recharge in my own way. It doesn't bother us any since we allow each other to have our own space and group of friends, but if we were a couple that wanted to do everything together then either I would be forced to go be social when I don't want to or he would be forced to stay inside because he feel guilty leaving me. Luckily we don't have to deal with that.

    I think either combination works, you just have to communicate with each other and find a way that makes sense to the relationship.
     
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  7. Richard321

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    I much prefer introverts, but it's not cut and dry. I'm more introverted myself by the way. And anyway it's so relative. But an extrovert beyond a certain degree is a definite must move away from them situation for me!
     
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  8. MOGUY

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    It seems to be like my sexuality- depends on which way the wind is blowing. I think the biggest factors are if I’m already tired then I want to be at home. I can’t fake being interested anymore. Too much work. But if I’m energized, then I feel really extroverted and engaging. Especially if it’s a bear or cub I’m chatting with.
     
  9. arturoenrico

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    In some ways, extroverts are exciting but I usually prefer introverts because it's easier for me to connect with them. I'm an introvert and when I'm with extroverts, I tend to get even more withdrawn.
     
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  10. anniesims

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    Im more of an introvert, easy going, shy at first. I tend to be attracted to extroverts ( they get me to come out of my shell. Women who are confident (but not arrogant) and not ones who always need to be center of attention.
     
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  11. Limiteded

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    I would prefer a equal.
     
  12. biAnnika

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    Even mild extroverts wear me out. I can’t imagine having one for a partner. My parents are an extrovert/introvert pair, and that definitely has added some level of conflict to their lives...but they’ve also been together close to 60 years, so it’s clearly not detrimental.

    I am definitively an introvert, as is my partner, but I find that I am a bit more apt to sociability than she is. This works for both of us. She appreciates when I do something that exposes us to people...like join a social group or agree to host a party.
     
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  13. quebec

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    Tightrope.....At heart I am an introvert....but a large part of the "straight" mask that I wore for so long (still do to a degree) was being an extrovert. I have performed many times to large crowds and it didn't bother me at all, in fact I was usually excited. However, if I was "trapped" in a small room with one or two people I was really nervous. It was so much harder to be anonymous in that situation and I was usually forced to talk to them. Since I retired several years ago, I have enjoyed being at home by myself for most of the day as my wife still works as a teacher. However, the school year ends in two weeks and she will be home all day until the end of August. That has become a real adjustment for me. In a few years she will also retire and then it she will be home all the time...that will be a challenge!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  14. Cinnamon Bunny

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    I think if people are respectful of needs, the extro/intro combo can work.

    Personally I tend to be casual friends with extroverts and my closer friends tend to be introverted. Not by choice, merely what I naturally fall into. I like high energy people but I tend to gravitate towards high energy introverts. People who are really social and loud in small friend groups. Sometimes I'm shocked when a friend tells me they are introverted or we debate on who is more introverted because the other seems so socialable. On the flip side, I enjoy the quiet company of introverts. I like being able to socialize by doing our own thing in the same room or be able to interact without the demand to perform or entertain. I can be low key and I'm accepted and appreciated. When I'm with someone day in and day out, this is what I prefer. I have lived with extroverts (not respectful ones) and even though they weren't partners they wear me down still. I don't get worn down by introverts most of the time.
     
  15. BMC77

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    I'm a strong introvert. I've never had a relationship, but it's been my working hypothesis that I'd probably be happiest with another introvert. Indeed, even casual contact with extroverts can be, at times, wearing. I even get a slightly worn feeling imagining dating a guy who is an extrovert!

    That said...I think in some situations, an introvert/extrovert relationship might work.

    And, practically, it's hard enough finding a significant other. Adding a "must be introverted like me!" requirement might reduce the chances of finding that special someone.
     
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  16. Skeksis

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    I’m a very outgoing introvert. People always think I’m an extrovert. I prefer to date introverted men.
     
  17. kkou

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    I'm also an outgoing introvert. I'm really shy at first, but once I get to know someone I'm a completely different person. I'm more likely to befriend extroverted people because they bring out good things in me. Being with someone who radiates confidence often makes you do the same! Honestly, though, I'm attracted to anyone with a big smile (as a friend or romantically.)
     
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  18. Isaacsolomon

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    Am an introvert. I generally really like/don't mind listening, BUT as conversation goes I'd like to at least say 20% of the words in the chat. Otherwise I'm bored.
     
  19. Isaacsolomon

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    By the way, has anyone read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain? It's pretty good and it's about introversion. It's based on this TED talk (I hope this is OK to share)? Side note: she says at one point that people often agree with the loudest person in a group, even on subjects that are supposedly personal, like who they're attracted to. I was like 'yesssss, vindication for my teenage years of thinking I liked girls' lol
    https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts#t-133514
     
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  20. spartafc

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    I'm right there with you. My ex-wife is an extrovert. I think one of the major personality conflicts in our marriage was my feeling worn down and drained. It honestly took being separated and living apart to realize that holy crap, I'm an introvert.
     
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