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Experience with open relationships?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kodo, Oct 21, 2019.

  1. Kodo

    Full Member

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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So my boyfriend and I are thinking about having our relationship open. I am really new to the idea and initially thought we would be monogamous. We talked about it and I said I needed more time to think about it before we made any decisions. I really love him and want him to be happy and fulfilled.

    Do you have any experience with open relationships? What would be your advice for navigating this?
     
  2. Nelalvai

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Colorado, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've done open relationships, with mixed results. Here's what I've got:
    Think pretty hard about whether you want it for yourself. It's great that you want to make your boyfriend happy but for this step being selfish is critical. If the answer is no, that's ok. You're not required to be polyamorous for the sake of progressiveness/boyfriend's happiness/whatever.
    Talk about what you and he want openness to look like. Casual sex, deeper bonds, something in between?
    Be really clear about boundaries, especially regarding STD/pregnancy prevention.
    Be honest when you have a problem with a boundary, instead of just breaking a boundary.
    Be honest if you break a boundary.

    My first open relationship was marvelous, it took all the pressure off my long-distance relationship and gave me some much needed, local companionship.
    My second one sucked--my partner was always with other people, never made time for me, so I was very lonely. It's not the only reason we broke up, but it was a factor.
    "Ethical Slut" and "More Than Two" are good reading for how to do polyamory right.