Excluded from local LGBT group

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Lottaotter: You are good enough. You don't have to change anything about your appearance. As for 'changing your personality', well, the only thing I would say is being at ease with yourself and comfortably in your own skin is the easiest way to make friends and become more 'likeable'.

How do you do that?

In my experience it took time; time to build up what I term my 'psychic defences', time to achieve something in my life that I could be proud of, time to do a variety of things, time to meet people I equally felt at ease with. It wasn't until my late 20s/early 30s that I started to settle into a state of long term contentment. And even then there were still uncertainties...neuroses...deep dark secrets I darn't not tell anyone about (I was still deep in denial about being transgender).

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is cut yourself some slack. And you don't need to become more 'likeable' to us. You're fine just as you are. Really.

Hugs, Beth x

 

To look less nervous, I think you probably have to BE less nervous. I don’t think it’s easy to fake it.
People can easily pick up on body language, tension or the smallest nuances like eye contact.

How to tackle it … throwing yourself in to stressful situations may not be for you … but consider some sort of group activities that will widen your social circles and eventually you’ll bond with like minded people. Build a support network.
Easier said than done of course, but if you can widen your social life somehow, even if it’s one evening a week, then you will ultimately change your life.

If you do feel like throwing yourself in to a challenging situation, there are some organised groups for gay men which can be life-changing. Some operate week-long residential retreats (and bursaries for low income people). If your location [*] is the UK, I could suggest some?

 

I'm going off the first post.

I know what this is like. You're being vigilant and you're scanning. You might be on to something, but only as far as some of the people are concerned. You DID say that some people tried to converse with you. That counts for something and it could mean that not everyone in the group is the way you're reading it. Sometimes, it's that a good number of the people, the people who seem to run the group or organization, or the people whose opinion of us we value more may not like us and that could sour the situation. If you can handle opening up to the people who reached out to you, you might keep the door open. If you feel like you've been rejected by some key people or ones who were important to you, you might want to avoid if for a while and look for new groups to do other things with.

I've got a bad situation like this that has been going on lately. There is a group that has some common cultural interests that gets together for dinner or lunch and some of them are really standoffish. These are people who should have adulting mastered. They only seem comfortable with people they've known for a long time. A few are more open, but it's a small number of them. The overall feel is negative and I've discussed it with my therapist who seems to think that, if the overall feeling is not that positive for me, I should be doing things with people that will make me feel way more good than bad. I'd recommend that for you as well.