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Everything Is Starting to Crumble

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jane anon, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. jane anon

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    It feels like things are starting to crumble, for me.
    Maybe I'm overreacting.
    But I've still got to get this out.

    I had an appointment with my doctor. It was cancelled due to winter weather. But my grandmother still got in for her appointment today. So she talked to the doctor (we have the same doctor) about my being transgender, and about finding a therapist and blah blah blah.
    So this perfect stranger goes on about how I'm just confused and need somebody to talk to.
    That there...that just really irked me the wrong way....
    So, anyway, he didn't really know who to refer us to. He made one suggestion, which isn't covered by our insurance.
    I've spoken to one counselling service on my own, and they said that they had no experience at all with gender issues. They said that they could "read up" on it and help me as much as they could, but I doubt that it is a good idea to go through any service who knows less than I do about this....
    And so I feel like the structure that I had built up through all of the support that I've had so far has began to crumble back down.
    I am afraid that I will end up with less-than-decent care.
    I'm afraid that I will be halted with my pursuit of myself.
    I'm afraid that I will die as the weird guy who always kept to himself, when I was really the lonely girl who couldn't be herself, and so, instead, was nobody.

    Maybe I really am just too emotional...but putting it all into words helps....

    I'm looking into therapists on my own, and have found two in Jonesboro (a city near me) that claim in their pages that they have experience in gender issues. Maybe I have a chance...but...just feels hopeless.

    Any advice to this stuff? Handling doctors that don't support this stuff. The possibility of being stuck with an ignorant therapist. All of it.
     
  2. SkyColours38

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    I think if they've gone to the trouble of talking about gender issues on their pages, they probably know what they're doing – if they didn't mean it, they wouldn't bother even mentioning it. I really hope it works out for you, but if neither of those 2 are any good, just remember that you can try and get to another city with better therapists at some point, even if it means waiting a lot longer. There are even some online resources. It's tough but you can get through it, best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. jay777

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    #3 jay777, Feb 18, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2015
  4. jane anon

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    Thanks, Jay.
    I hate living in the rural south. :/
    Anyway, I've corresponded with on of the local therapists I've come across on the internet. She claims to have several mtf and ftm patients, and about two years experience dealing with transgender issues.
    I'm not sure what questions to be asking, really. :/
     
  5. jay777

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    A few questions for therapists are here:
    Choosing a gender therapist
    -> What to ask therapists
    Well but this sounds quite ok.
    Do you find you could go along with her style ?
     
  6. jane anon

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    I'm not sure. I think I'd really need to try her to know.
     
  7. Michael

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    It could be worst, Jane. Not complaining here about my luck, but think about others : Living in countries where even being homosexual puts them at risk of getting killed... By laws.

    Usually it's quicker the progress we make internally than the progress we make with the external world. My doctor looked at me in shock when I simply asked for a therapist who had some experience with gender issues. He was shocked because he didn't saw it coming from me, I came out to myself just last year, which means I've faked it most of my life, so I had a long time to get very good at it. He didn't saw it coming, plus it's very unusual, plus he had not had the experience... That is why they act shocked. It is not a judgement on you as a person.

    Listen to Jay. You must try that therapist. Give her or him a chance. I won't forget the day that someone said my name in front of me for the first time. Those moments are worth living. Things that are really worth it don't come easy.
     
  8. Lazuri

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    If I recall correctly, you're young.

    The most likely worst case scenario here is that you'll have to put it in hold for a few years and that is the absolute worst case scenario that's likely.

    Waiting a few years can be painful--trust me, I know--but I don't believe it will come even to that for you. But even in that scenario, there's nothing stopping you from picking this back up when you have more freedom in a couple of years.
     
  9. jane anon

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    Thanks Vodkabaret, Lazuri.
    I guess I am just really getting worked up about this.