As I made this thread I'm going to start it off seem as I have a little story to say. So it was my last birthday (which was a while ago but it was the worst birthday of my life) and I woke up it was a Saturday so I'm off school and I go downstairs to do things you normally do on your birthday like open cards and you know how many cards were there about six because half my family doesn't talk to us anymore. Then I have to realisation that there goes another year being the only one out of my friends who does get a card or message from my dad which makes the day worse. At around 3-4pm I get a notification from Facebook so I go on and whats there a thing saying "that one friend who everyone knows is gay but won't admit it" and a gif of a boy dancing, the caption above says my name. The comments racked up saying stuff like "it even looks like him" from people I thought were nice. That's the point were I was gone this one day the day I was supposed to be happy for was one of the three worst days of my life. The next Monday I go to school and the person who put the thing on Facebook comes over to me and goes did you like the post on Facebook, I laugh and walk away my blood is boiling and I don't get pissed off easily but when I do I snap, like I'll throw stuff and just go crazy. I got an hour through school before that happened I burst out crying and stand up ready to throw punches, kicks and objects. So I left the classroom and I'm see the person which makes me even angrier, I'm bloody seeing red, I start walking towards them and a teacher grabs me and she tells me to calm down and at that point I look around and see I must look terrible and she lets go of me and I do something stupid and punch the wall (which calmed me down loads) but then I knew that everyone will be asking questions now and that started the point when everyone now talks about me being gay behind my back. Now that was months ago, but about a month or two back I had a girl come up to me and ask if I'm gay because she said everyone talks about it and she didn't know if it's true. That was the moment I realised that I felt alone because I knew people weren't what they seemed. Next week my final year of school starts and I'm going to come out slowly to everyone because I'm ready. I wrote this to show the worst moments of pain I went through that stood out to me the most while figuring myself out. I know my story is terribly written and probably just terrible in general but I want people to write their stories here if they want to get off them off their chests. No one will though i bet.
Wow....that is TERRIBLE what those people did. It's pretty much bullying. You didn't deserve treatment like that, period. Just goes to show we have a long way to do. As for me...I've got nothing other than college is stressful right now.
It doesn't compare to what you've been going through, but I've found out that my father has been meddling in LGBT friend groups I've made online and offline. He's not doing it to be an ally, but to "keep tabs" on others, gossip, and stir drama. After I confronted him about it, he acted offended and like a victim (they're on my FB feed!), giving me the silent treatment for over a week.
That's terrible! I'm sorry that happened to you! Last year on my birthday everyone forgot except my close family members and it made me feel like shit. My 18th is coming up and I'm honestly considering just ignoring the day.
I'm sorry that happened to you! No one deserves to be bullied, and no one deserves to have their birthday crapped on that way. Whenever you feel alone or made to feel shitty by other people, just come here and you'll find a whole community of caring people who have experienced similar things as you and who've got your back. Speaking of birthdays, my father ignored my birthday back in February. He didn't even text or call me to say, "Happy Birthday" or anything. Last month I confronted him about it, and his excuse was, "You'll have many birthdays in the future; one doesn't matter." I've always had a complicated relationship with my father (my parents divorced when I was 3 years old), but recently we're trying to repair our relationship. As far as venting goes, it's just the usual culprits. Work is stressful & busy. I love my students, but they also drive me crazy. Being a new teacher is hard, and sometimes I feel like quitting, but I keep going because I know it will be worth it...also because I love teaching and working with teens & kids. So the small positive things that happen throughout the school week keep me going. And the more I get to know my students, the more attached & inspired I become lol.
It's terrible your friends are so mean. What's bad for me is last year I tried college after two weeks I deferred because I was too homesick and basically felt depressed the problem with deferring is your actually expected to go back and also fill in a million forms from the college, the fees office and the grant system in this country and try to explain why you deferred college the previous year on such away they give you the money because you already got a loan for five grand for accomadation but can't afford college without it. So many people apply for grants in this country the grant application is part of the college application form which means there are thousands of grant applications so I won't find out until a month or two in wheather or not I get the grant. My accomadation is a fifteen minute walk from the college but I have a disability that makes even that hard and I'm worried about getting to college each day. I'm also worried about being homesick again and quitting again which everyone thinks I'm going to anyway. These days when college is mentioned I would rather put my head through the wall.
I'm alright I suppose.. Been a stressful few days. And yesterday was the worst.. My IPod stopped working (the battery would charge and now it's dead) So, I lost one of the only ways I can chat with my best friends.. So, adding that on top of my current depression.. It's not fun, but.. I'm going to try and get it replaced. I dunno though.. I know this is petty compared to some of the stuff people are probably going through.. But, It's not fun for me. Thank you letting me vent my stupid problems here
I can't see my future at all. None of my internship is ever completed. And this is the 4th time. What makes it worse is that I really enjoyed that internship, that for the 1st time my life might be going somewhere. Then I screwed it up, had to leave without getting all the necessary signatures, proof that I did the work. My self-esteem takes a serious hit. My social anxiety only gets worse. It took me a month to gather up courage to send an email explaining the situation with my school's instructor. I *know* what I'm supposed to do to remedy the situation. But if the solutions involve talking to other people, then I'm paralyzed. I can't stop thinking about what could go wrong. I'm scared, and ashamed and guilty. I haven't talked to my mum at all for over a week. Talking to her reminds me of what a fucking parasite I am. Sometimes I wish I had never existed. Then my parents could have all that money spent on themselves.
So, I'll start at the beginning. Spring last year I started noticing a girl around school and I started to get a crush on her, we hardly talked but I was starting to really like her. Literally just a few days after I started to have feelings for her, I was talking to a friend of mine who confided she liked that girl and was going to ask her to prom. I was a bit dissapointed but it waan't too big of a deal and I forgot about the girl for the most part. I had a few interactions with her towards the end of the year that brought my feelings to the forefront but again, nothing serious at all. Now, fast forward to last month. Another good friend of mine was planning to take me and some others to an amusement park for the day, and the girl I had old feelings for would be coming, along with my friend who was pining for her. I actually ended up having to pick up the girl I'd liked for months and we drove there, just the two of us... that day was a mixture of emotions for me. Watching her hold another girls hand one moment and then having her wrap her towel around me to keep me warm the next. But regardless, since that day I've been in deep. I have butterflies all the time, I see her every day at achool and we're going to a movie tonight with my other two friends. I needed to get this off my chest big time because theres literally no one I can talk to about it without causing problems: my friend is into the same girl as me and my mom doesnt know i'm gay. its hard keeping my emotions bubbled like this. I don't want to keep this a secret but I don't feel that I have a choice...
If this is for venting. It was a long ass weekend because Ruth (one of my roommates) had her friends (Erica+Girlfriend) stay for a convention, and they butted heads with Ty (my other roommate and Ruth's fiancee) the whole time. Mostly Girlfriend and Ty didn't see eye to eye on keeping the place clean. She wanted to just spread her stuff all over the living room and bathroom, and he wanted them keep things clean.
Some people are just assholes. Fact of life. Write them out of your life and just try your best to move on. As for me: I apply, apply, and apply. I seem to get nowhere with my job search. I'm getting interviews and then they tell me they want someone "experienced." Like gah dammit y'all, you want someone experienced? Look at my fuckin' GitHub for Christ's sake. That'll show you what you want to see. So fucking what if I don't have on the job experience? I went out of my god damn way to create my own experiences to show y'all. How the fuck am I supposed to escape this "entry-level" shit if I can't get any fucking (relevant) experience. Like Jesus Christ y'all, actually see what a broken system recruiting is and realize the job market is shit right now or give us a god damn chance
I concur. I applied, interviewed, and was told that I seemed to fit their ideal candidate. The job opening was put on hold and no news until now. Those certificates and connection don't always mean shit. I also hate you for not being understanding and handle me better in my moment of weakness. You are so selfish sometimes.
I'm really beginning to think I'm the problem. No it's fine. You three go to the festival without me when I specifically told you guys months ago that I wanted to go with you. And just make it worse by talking about it on Facebook, where I can see it. Nice to know I'm not important to any of you. Just three more people who I thought were friends that clearly don't give a s**t. People really are assholes. If they don't see a way you can be beneficial to them, they don't want you around.
It is not that I try to make excuses or deflect the blame, I just don't think it is fair that I am ALWAYS the source of the problems and the one who need to change, but NOT you. Whenever I fail, you will accuse me of being complacent. Sure, whatever you say
Came out to my mother a few days ago. She told me she always will love me and accept me but then started to attack me with her words.
I went on discord once and someone used the wrong pronouns, so of course I correct them very politely, and then of course someone uses the wrong pronouns on purpose and makes a trigger joke, so I was understandably upset. The moderators gave zero fucks and even got mad at me for "shoving my non-binariness down their throats". Eventually I was kicked for still being upset that the person who made a trigger joke went unpunished. Another bad experience on discord was on an LGBT youth server which was all fine and dandy until someone just had to make a sex joke. Keep in mind this server was aimed at ages 13-24. Again, the mods (or rather mod) gave zero fucks. I left the discord after realizing it was badly moderated. Oh, and did I mention that the mod said it was a joke and that made it okay? I can remember the joke since this was quite recent: "fuck me in the pussy so hard i bleed and prolapse". Definitely not safe for ages 13-24. Understandably, I'm still pretty fucking pissed.
One of my roommates invites a lot of people over almost every night. I have to be up in less than seven hours but I can't sleep because I can hear their conversation through the walls. If you have to have a discussion at two in the morning can't you use a phone. Do you have to have it right next to my bedroom. These people are also college students yet have no respect for the people who live here. I did not get a loan to deal with this.
One of my roommates invites a lot of people over almost every night. I have to be up in less than seven hours but I can't sleep because I can hear their conversation through the walls. If you have to have a discussion at two in the morning can't you use a phone. Do you have to have it right next to my bedroom. These people are also college students yet have no respect for the people who live here. I did not get a loan to deal with this.
