Ever feel sick of being gay..to almost hating the fact..

You're not wrong - being gay is harder than being straight. It's part of being a minority, and depending on our circle of friends, family, classmates/coworkers and religious communities, it can be even harder than usual.

Try not to shoulder too much for right now. You don't have a kid yet, so you don't have to worry about that part for now. If you're not in a relationship, then you don't have to worry about the monogamy question. True, there will be gay people who don't value what you value in life, but this is true no matter who you are. It hurts a little extra when the LGBT people you know are still different from you, but people are people and need to be themselves, for better or worse.

I would suggest not thinking about dating, starting a family, etc., and just try meeting gay people who are more like you, for friendships. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere, or meet people who are interested in just getting together for dinner or breakfast once a week. Is there any place in Dublin to look for that sort of thing these days?

 

I think Gravity has great suggestions. I think a lot of it may come down to where you are meeting people. My experience while dating to some degree was the exact opposite. I fell into a relationship sort of for the sake of a relationship early on (I think we were both more in love with the idea of our relationship than we ever were with each other--we make better friends). So I was sort of looking to just date around. Let's go dancing, to the movies, have a picnic in the park--I wasn't averse to an occasional tumble. But it was like I had "marry me" written on my forehead. I remember constantly thinking: "I thought we were going to the movies, why is he picking out china patterns?"

As far as the other stuff, I've never really felt the whole circus freak thing, but I guess I just don't feel that way about myself. And frankly when I came out twenty-five years ago I really was often the only gay person people had encountered. At least, luckily, there are few places where that would be the case any more. Oh and as far as the whole physical appearance thing goes, that can be hard to get off of that particular tread mill. I used to work out six times a week and was one of those guys who is forever peeling their shirts off at random moments. And then one day I just stopped. It didn't seem like it was worth it any more. And, you know what? Nothing changed. When you are looking at guys that way it's easy to assume that everyone else is looking at you that way. It isn't generally the case.

I guess there are things about life that being gay makes harder, but to be honest that makes you stronger and because of that there are so many more that I feel it makes more fulfilling. I wouldn't trade it for being straight on even my grimmest day.

 

I hear you, man. It's not easy being gay. You have to work twice as hard to figure yourself out, you have to deal with homophobia, internal and external. Dating can be really tough. I often feel scared about the future (especially as far as relationships go). I used to feel the same way you did, then slowly but surely, I changed my approach to life. So here is my advice to you:

Make the best out of every aspect of your life you can control. Life is all yours.
What is your dream job? Are you doing it? If not, what are you doing to get there? GO FOR IT MAN!!!!!!
Do you like where you live? If not, where would you like to live? Anywhere in the world. If that's what you'd like, GO FOR IT!!!!
What are you doing with your free time? Any hobbies, any new hobbies you want to discover? GO FOR IT!!!! MAKE YOUR DAYS COUNT!!!!
Do you have friends/ family that you love? Spend time with them, cherish them. Have fun. You'll have more joy because of it.
Reduce the stress where you can Remember that no job is worth your mental health. Balance is key
Exercise or keep exercising. Not to become an Adonis on your dating profile, but to really feel like you're in your best physical fitness, to have more endorphins, and sleep better. Exercise really does help. Trust me.

My therapist last year also recommended mindfulness activities. Personally, I like to meditate. It really is calming. There is also yoga and other mindfulness activities

Then there's dating. I didn't believe it at first, but once you're satisfied with the other aspects of your life, you're much less likely to be upset by the ups and downs of dating. That said, sure there are a lot of guys that are really shallow, looking for sex or don't believe in monogamy. I know. Don't get so upset about it. There are lots of really amazing guys with wonderful qualities that are looking for their life partner, just like you. Focus on dating those guys. They're out there. Trust me. Always focus on the positive

And life can be tough sometimes, so if you need to cry, cry. It's ok. But remember, the next day, get up and make that day count, find something every day that gives you joy. Do that every day, and you'll have a lifetime of joy.

Keep your chin up, man

 

I'm sick to death of not knowing if I actually am gay or not and also sick to death of times when I think I am.

 

Being gay is liked getting drafted during a time of war. You pulled the more difficult route, so what? It can make you a better person on the other side of your struggle or you can sit there and be miserable about it.

Off topic but people complain about how being a woman is harder but the lack of a draft for women, which most of them still encourage, in the US is so misogynistic it needs changed. It's also misogynistic to not approve of gay people because it is dictating which gender can perform what roles. Really we live in a society of misogynist and idiotic people.

 

We, as a minority, have to deal with issues around said minority, of varying degrees of heavy-ness depending on the minority and the area you are in. The way I found comfort with that personally is realise nearly everyone is part of a minority in some way, shape or form, and that nearly everyone will in their life get issues or has a less fun experience due to that, we may have it more often and it feels more random, but it's somewhat the same concept. It's a part of life, of how diversity exists. - For me realising it that way, almost entirely removed the issue. - Then again, I tend to work a-typically, and my advice doesn't always work for others due to that.

I hope I helped.