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erection vs orgasm

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Chase8, Oct 19, 2021.

  1. Chase8

    Regular Member

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    Quick Disclaimer: I have been diagnosed with OCD and I am in therapy. I am doing much better, but have this last puzzle piece that is keeping me from fully committing to therapy and medications.

    I have asked my therapist about this and he keeps reiterating that orgasms and erections are two very different bodily functions without really answering my questions. My problem is that I am, for the most part, incapable of getting an erection to men unless I am aggressively masturbating, and usually I’ll orgasm pretty quickly. Its a weird sensation where I’ll be flaccid for most of it and then I’ll get a split second half-mast erection and orgasm. It’s very little semen and a fairly short orgasm as well. This only happens when I’m looking at something porn-related. I can’t get an erection or orgasm from male fantasies. So when I’m watching porn, I find that I’ll masturbate more aggressively and usually cum much faster. I’ve tried to replicate orgasming faster with women, but I can’t. With women, I’m hard throughout and I enjoy the experience a lot more, but I’m not anxious and the orgasm usually comes quickly but not as quick. I feel like my orgasm is a lot stronger as well.

    I don’t know much about sexual health or orgasms and this is really confusing me. Is it because I’m so anxious and focused on my orgasm that I am allowing myself to orgasm faster to men? I feel “disassociated” when I’m watching male porn, like I’m not actually having sex with what I’m looking at, but it feels sexual nonetheless. Whereas with women I feel like I’m having sex with the woman I’m looking at. I feel desires to touch them, etc. If I think too much about that with men, I’d loose sensation really quickly.

    I’m genuinely curious about orgasms and erections in general. I always believed that I would be incapable of orgasming to a male, but now I find myself orgasming faster. Is this anxiety-related? Is it because of my fight and flight response? Is it because I’m so focused on preventing an erection? I personally feel like I’m forcing myself to get an erection when I test myself, but now I’m unsure. Would an erection or an orgasm be a better indication for what I’m attracted to?
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    So...
    (1) What you're experiencing is OCD, and has nothing to do with same-sex attraction

    (2) Orgasm is a biological function. Rub your penis long enough, hard enough, and fast enough, and you can force a (shitty) orgasm. That has absolutely nothing to do with what you're watching or what you are attracted to. It also has almost nothing to do with who you are attracted to. If you're incapable of keeping an erection to guys, you aren't attracted to, or aroused by, guys.

    (3) You keep asking basically the same questions in various forms, going around in circles continually. This is what OCD is like. If this is taking up a lot of your daily energy, then it is affecting your quality of life and you really need to get professional help for it.

    (3) Is the therapist you're seeing actually meaningfully benefitting you? Does s/he have a specialty in working with OCD? Have you been evaluated for medication, or are you on it? It seems pretty clear that what you're doing thus far isn't working very well.
     
    #2 Chip, Oct 19, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2021