Emotionally sensitive/Manipulation/Disrespect

Hey all.
Apologies if this isn't the right place for this, but it seems to fit.

There is something I've never understood about people, and I literally run into this situation with every person I've ever been involved with/ interested in. Any tips or enlightenment on this issue is welcomed.
It doesn't have to be a pity party, I just want to know what the actual answer/ truth of the situation is so that I can fix it so it doesn't happen continuously as in the past and present. Thank you!

I feel deep sad emotions/anxiety whenever someone leaves me on read for hours in response to a simple "how was your day", as an immediate response to them messaging me in the first place, for example. Someone will make me feel like they are focused on me, and then make me feel ignored or not taken seriously, or that they actually don't care, while claiming to. After this occurs, I begin to feel manipulated and get sad. Every person I've ever gotten involved with has been what I would call immature, childish or not caring about my emotions. But I only learn of this characteristic after getting involved just enough to feel hurt by it.

No one seems to really "be there" with me in a serious way. For example, you'd think the person who is currently trying to date you would respond to "how was your day" after they themselves messaged you, but instead I get left on read for literally hours, then they just say sorry instead of answering my question, actually talking to me or really sharing anything at all.

Then, I get hurt and sad because I'm a genuine, honest and emotional person, and it feels like I'm only surrounded by ingenue, dishonest people whom when I really think about it, aren't extremely trustworthy.
It'd be easy to simply say "don't get involved with people like that" but I can't tell if that's how they are or not after I've been talking to them for a while. It's not that easy.

I wouldn't ignore someone significant just because I'm out with friends. Significants take precedent over friends. I don't understand why people can't recognize themselves being disrespectful and I usually feel awful because of it. I would absolutely recognize myself as disrespectful if I did something like that.
I don't understand why everyone I get involved with is seemingly disrespectful and childish, like they just don't understand priorities, yet they hold jobs etc, so it feels intentional and therefore hurts a lot. Then they act like everything is fine like it never happened.
I keep attracting people that can't balance their lives, people who seemingly don't understand they're even doing anything wrong.
Why do I attract them instead of people who will show me the time of day and actually care?
It's like everyone just wants to go play with friends to the detriment of my psychology and I don't know how to instead find people that will nurture my emotions and see me at eye level.

How do I break this weird curse? Is there something wrong with me, or am I constantly running into low-quality people and not recognizing it until it's too late? Is it them or me?
Thanks!

 

Thank you for the response, I appreciate what you've said!
The only thing I should've clarified is that I didn't mean they act childish around me necessarily, but instead when they aren't. By acting childish, I meant myself being left on read indefinitely when I ask them how their day was or talk to them at all really. Childish as in making me feel completely ignored and therefore not prioritized. If I tried to call them, they'd likely text and say they were busy with friends or completely ignore me. That was my use of childish. And that happens with every person so that's why I'm confused.

The rest of your response is useful though, thank you I appreciate it

 

I understand and appreciate everything you've said.

To clarify, it's more that they don't spend much time with me at all, but are normally always with friends. They generally answer them if they text them while they're with me, but they don't usually answer me when they're with them.
I just want to talk to them about their day but they're with friends when they aren't with me, and they ignore me when this happens, which is most of the time. I feel completely disconnected from people but I want someone to feel a connection with. And when I bring it up generally creates problems and leads to even less of a connection.

 

Yes, I am. And yes, I am.
It seems like responding to a person even just to say I'm busy with friends would somewhat resemble seriousness at least. But that doesn't happen. I do expect a certain level of seriousness regardless of where we are on the timeline of a relationship.
Perhaps relationships are simply bad for my psychology and emotional life. It's starting to sound like that's just how I am and most people aren't like that.

Thank you for your responses, they've been helpful.

 

I understand you very well. I'm also very emotional and expect the same in return. My friend just doesn't feel the need to message me. I know he's got a busy month and semester exams, but still how much time it takes to text "how are you"? It feels like he's not missing me as much as i miss him. However as soon as he gets free time, he message me with excitement. When we meet he's making sure to show me that he missed me just as much as I did. I'm saying this, because I'm a living example to confirm what Rayland said.

Sometimes we have to accept that. It doesn't necessarily mean that someone doesn't care about you. However, if I know someone new, I wouldn't expect him to put me on his priority list right away. It really depends on how long the relationship is and what the expectations of both sides are. There are people who cares about emotions as much as you do. You just didn't meet them yet.

 

Thank you, this was helpful.

Yes, I think it's fair to say that I think of relationships in a certain way and haven't found people who do the same yet.
I'm fine with taking the blame for that, it feels like it means maybe I need to make myself more valuable before being able to find higher quality people/relationships.

It's almost like although I shouldn't expect them to make me a priority, I still need them to or my emotions go downhill. I've always been that way. In a way it seems healthier to avoid the situation until that somehow changes.

Thanks for the response!

 

Well, I respond to this thread as someone who has and still does leave people 'on read' at times. Is it something I do deliberately? Actually, it sometimes is deliberate if I sense boundary issues or a clingy vibe, neither of which I will feed or otherwise encourage. At other times though, I am simply not in a position to respond to a message in a meaningful way, so it will be read, but not replied to until much later. For example, if I'm on a break at work I may send a message, but once the break ends I could be unavailable for a number of hours.

It's also worth keeping in mind that statements may not elicit a response in the same way as questions. If somebody asks me a good open question, then I will try to respond, at an appropriate time, but if they text a statement or general observation to me, I may not. It doesn't mean it's been ignored, but I may not see the need to respond or value in responding.

I'm not saying any of the above applies to you, but I'm just trying to offer some perspective as to the reasons.

 

Thank you, I can appreciate this!