Emotional intelligence specific to females?

I think it more has to socialization. Women tend to be socialized as listeners; taught to be empathetic. This isn't to say that men aren't. It's just that, evolutionarily, women were the better communicators. They were the ones to take care of everyone. Once humans were no longer nomadic, women had time to learn facial expressions and the like. This translates to modern day by our perception of what is required to be feminine: namely, this ability to connect.

It's not that women are more well-versed in trans-specific issues, but that, typically, they are more willing to learn due to how they have been socialized. Chances are that this woman was encouraged to listen to people, learn them, and may have an easier time reading others because of these things.

 

I agree with AshDee that a large part of this is socialisation: from a very young age onwards, women are generally expected to sit and listen and sympathise, while men are the ones that are expected to do the talking. In addition, because femininity is considered inferior in a traditional gender hierarchy, women can to a certain extent relate to the feeling of being marginalised. Does that mean they're more sympathetic of trans issues per se? Definitely not. I mean, being marginalised in one way doesn't mean you can't be oppressive in another (just think about white women who are extremely racist - they experience marginalisation as women but also turn their back on other marginalised groups, even if they share things in common (i.e. women of colour)). As cis women, they do not by default attempt to understand the trans experience, nor do cis men blatantly refuse this all the time. The extent of this socialisation also varies greatly per person and is affected by many other factors than gender alone, but these are some things that could play into your friend's experience. I also think this perception depends on the person - i.e. for some people sympathy might be what helps them relate, while for others the more traditionally masculine attitude of not caring is more beneficial because genuinely not caring that you're trans and just seeing you as your gender also means they're not criticising /judging you for it (if that makes sense).

Also, some people just relate much more strongly to people of their own gender. I'm not sure how that works since I don't automatically feel that connection at all myself (particularly to non-lgbt women) but a lot of people do describe having a sort of natural connection with people their own gender. your friend might relate more to women because she, too, is a woman, and perhaps even feel extra alienated by men because she was assumed to be one but wasn't actually male. I'm not her, and I don't know her either, and again these experiences differ per person, but they're things to consider

 

Statistically, on average - yes, women are better with feelings. Because evolution, because the woman has to deal with the child for the most part. If you have dogs or cats, female dogs and cats also are more nurturing etc. On average, of course.

As for the natural connection... yeah, I have a better connection with men in general. This is why I think I am a man after all. And this is why it feels more accurate to present myself as such. Maybe your friend is a trans woman because she relates to women and not men, like me but the other way round.

 

I partly think that the concept of patriarchy being dominant in society for so long has led to a (justified) backlash by the marginalized. And one effect of that is an (mostly true) assumption that no one knows what it's like to be a member of a marginalized group better than a member of a marginalized group.

So yeah, I think that everything @AshDee said is correct. However, I also think that there are sociopolitical aspects to this..

 

Oh, my life is weird. With female friends, I listen and they talk. With male friends, I talk and they listen. (I came out only recently and I'm describing also the past) And they're not queer or extremely gender non comforming. Is that because of cultural difference between (? Usa? Usa-centered cultural environment?) and Italy? Is that because I have weird friends? Or am I the one who's weird? xD

Anyway, I think women are more familiar with other "non-privileged PoVs". I heard "normal" guys (= non alt-right) making politically incorrect jokes because they are no part of any "minority", so they're not accustomed to step into a minority's shoes and understand that the joke is not funny if PoV is changed.

 

@Crisalide no worries, i was just speaking in generalized terms, it definitely doesn’t apply to every individual person! culture definitely plays somewhat of a role too though i’ve coincidentally found all italians i’ve met here (sweden) to be very poor listeners haha! but it really varies per individual and also heavily depends on the type of relationship you have with a person, of course. no worries, no weirdness — just lucky for you, probably

 

addition: didn’t mean for that remark about italians to sound so negative! (it was just an observation, definitely not saying that’s true for all italians etc just thought it was an interesting difference in experience!)

 

What kind of jokes do you mean?
I have to say I say all kinds of sexist jokes and laugh at myself in the regard too, despite being all the possible gender minorities. So... I don't really think it works this way. I think it's a matter of how personally you take it and if you can take a joke.

 

I've heard mostly racist jokes, sometimes sexist.

 

I've asked two (italian) friends irl and they said that usually in friendship girls talk and guys "listen" (=looks like they're listening, instead they're bored); in the couple, guys talk. :/
I gave up on understanding completely gender differences. They're so relative.

 

I wouldn't say a racist or ethnic joke I guess, then. But I laugh at them from time to time Or I don't know really, about the ethnic jokes... I can't swear I don't tell one every once in a while.

There are some jokes that are worse than others, of cousre. Like... Holocaust jokes are not funny, for example. They never will. Slavery jokes about Afroamericans are not funny either. Is that what you mean?

? I never noticed that one. Well, never mind...

 

Yes, that. And about objectifying them.

 

Oh Lord Jesus Christ...
Then I would blame it on them being a-holes... still, I think men are more predisposed to be a-holes. On average of course. Evolution promotes confidence, even excessive confidence, in males.

 

I'd agree with the idea that women are better with trans issues in my life. From personal experience the friends I have that are girls seem to be somewhat interested in how I'm doing and how transitioning has made me happier etc. whereas my guy friends go straight for the 'when are you getting a dick' questions and make jokes about my transition which sometimes get to me, not that I show it, but mostly just laugh along with them because that's what our friendships about. Then again this is just my close friends, every person is going to be different. You can have a guy with a very nurturing personality that cares and is very open and a girl that is quite standoffish and emotionally unavailable that doesn't want to try to empathise. You can generalise by gender but people are raised differently and have different opinions I just don't think it reflects accurately.

 

Wait sorry are you kidding? I'm not female.
Edit: Just seen your second post

 

Well my femaleness is questionable xD like, at least in my case, if we talked about something else I would seem like a dude. Really...