Embracing your homosexuality

It is absolutely true that you reach a tipping point in your sexual evolution that the desire to be with a man takes over totally. At this tipping point it is almost impossible to deny your attraction to men. You start to realize that whether you want to admit it or not your gay and always have been. It is now when you start to feel being gay is normal and real you. Gay sexuality is what you had been seeking all along. The liberation you feel helps from allowing you to slip back into denial. Once this occurs you are free to embrace the gay life you have been fantasizing about. It’s a wonderful feeling. You will get there.

 

My bisexuality has been an up and down rollercoaster, but in a good way.

Throughout most of my 20’s, I thought I was bi-curious, but fully accepted a few years ago in my early 30’s that I was bisexual.

I’ve embraced and said out loud to myself that I’m bisexual, I like men too, and that it feels great!

I’m still only out to myself, but I hope someday to tell people slowly. It would be great to meet a guy someday too, even if just as friends.

Just to end my post on a funny note. For the first time, I sort of kind of saw a cute guy the other day and I believe had my first blushing/flirty moment and I completely tripped over and almost fell into a big garbage can that I forgot was there lol.


Happy to be bisexual!

 

Just read over the first post, haven't had time to read over the string. Five years now since I came out, and only one person sort of believed me. Of course, hell was unleashed by my wife, and not having any viable alternative, I took the lazy option and the chicken on and stayed right where I was/am now. I can go a while without thinking heavily about my real sexuality, and accepting it five years ago has helped with my life. But every now and then a fall back into despair. Now I'm watching Young Royals secretly. I can't think of anything other than my situation. I buy lottery tickets hoping to win so I can finally get free. Hmmm

 

Thank you for sharing that. It made me smile. I'm only now beginning to fully accept and embrace that I'm gay, and I look forward to having something like that happen to me (minus the part about tripping over a garbage can, which totally sounds like something I would do).

There are at least a couple of us on this thread and several others elsewhere who are in a similar predicament. I have a girlfriend with whom I've been living for the past two years. She has absolutely no idea (as far as I can tell) that I'm not straight. Like you, I've been able to ignore and repress my desires for periods of time, but it keeps coming back more intensely each time. For now, I'm keeping this a secret from everyone with the exception of my therapist and maybe one or two other gay people I know. It sounds like we're both staying in our relationships for financial reasons. Maybe we should go in on lottery tickets together. Lol.

 

Totally get where your coming from about ignoring and repressing my feelings my knows im Bi and she knows I want to experence a guy.

 

Ha Ha great idea! Seriously though, evey now and then I take a walk down Queer Street and almost break down. I suppose it's my physical system blowing a fuse - I run, so getting out for a blast along country lanes I can scream silently a little and if the tears come, well there's no one about. I was helped a lot at the time by a gem of a guy from the Midlands and some terrific LGBT helpers in Edinburgh, and it was pointed out to me not unkindly, that it was up to me now. This queer flush as I call it comes strongly sometimes and I do feel quite reckless. Not reckless enough to jump off into a wet cold street! So I figure if I'm going to stop myself from breaking, I have to at least find someone to talk to - a gay friend. So I searched the 'net and came across a lot of scams. I've got myself a tutanota address now and it's time to plunge in. Else I'm gonna die one day regretting I did nothing. DCH - if you know anywhere I could start on this odyssey please let me know. If you would like to become my first penpal, that woud be fantastic. Cheers. K

 

I just had an experience that feels like a break through. I just saw an incredibly beautiful woman with a very nice body. She was so beautiful that I started to get sort of excited, as I did when I was in denial, and still clinging to the idea that I might see a woman so beautiful that I would get aroused.
Then I started to worry that I might be slipping back into denial, but then I realized that the thought of taking off her clothes and touching her was unappealing and I thought "I can see how straight guys would be really attracted to her".
I think I have reached a point where I feel comfortable about women, no longer afraid that they might 'pull me back'.

 

I've had a similar realization recently. I still tend to notice attractive women when I'm out in public. I used to just automatically assume this was proof that I'm not gay. But now I stop and examine what's going on beneath the surface in my mind. Yes, for whatever reason they're pleasing to the eye, but I realize I'm not exactly wanting to be intimate with them, imagining what they might look like without their clothes on, or anything else of that sort. However, now that I'm beginning to allow myself to notice and acknowledge attractive men without immediately pushing the thought out of my mind as I used to, I do feel arousal and desire. While I still have a lot of work to do to address the shame and internalized homophobia, I've definitely crossed a threshold in my acceptance of being gay. I'm admittedly scared of what's to come, but I feel confident I've gotten to the point where I will no longer try to convince myself I'm attracted to women.

 

Ironically I have found following through like this makes me realize I have no sexual interest in them and in fact the idea is kind of gross.

I never realized how much I repressed this, and used that to rationalize that I 'must be' straight since I don't look at guys. But now that I allow myself the arousal is immediate and intense.

 

There is a point where it becomes a relief to no longer have to try to convince yourself. I never realized how much I was 'working' at doing this and how much of a chore it is. It really feels like letting something heavy go when you give it up. Once I started to realize there is no turning back and no putting the genie back in the bottle the periods of doubt and repression become shorter and shorter

 

To overcome some of this fear I first came out to a few straight female friends. As a result I heard them speak more freely about their attraction to men. From their perspective it was not weird that I noticed a hot guy and wanted to date him. It was with them when I first admitted out loud that I thought a guy we all knew was cute. Their response was to just say “ join the club”. Like it was something completely normal and it was. Men are hot. Enjoy noticing this out in real life and enjoy your natural desire to be with them in a sexual way.

 

I recently came out to a female friend, and was talking about the shame, she said 'lots of women desire exactly what you desire

 

W

What did it take to get from Bi curious to Bisexual ?

 

Realizing these women are perfectly normal and share my desires made my sexual attraction to men seem less weird.

This perspective might be less reassuring for masculine gay men who don’t want to see themselves being like a woman, but I am very feminine and am already like a woman is other ways so definitely helped me.

I have fully embraced my homosexuality and am now openly dating a man and have no shame in it. Liking D is as normal as liking boobs.

 

Hey Jake!

It took me some time throughout my 20’s after doing a lot of research into bisexuality as well as what I was feeling in my heart to finally come out to myself as bisexual. I would see a lot of good looking guys on TV and sometimes online when I was younger. I would always get this good feeling in my heart and I never thought much of it. The feeling grew more in my 20’s and I began to realize that maybe I didn’t just like girls, but that I had some type of feeling for men as well. I thought I was bicurious for a long time and then in my 30’s, I just knew that my heart was saying that I liked both, almost like a lightbulb went off lol.

I think part of it was that in the last few years, I saw a lot of people around me coming out and something about them doing that inspired me and brought that feeling back, but so much stronger.

I still suppress my feelings internally occasionally, but I hope in the future that maybe I’ll meet a handsome, gentle, kind, and nice guy that I can share my feelings with and maybe even as a boyfriend

 

I can understand your apprehension about this major change but I assure you that once you really accept that you are gay and start experiencing what this means you will wonder what all the fuss and anxiety was about as it all feels so natural and normal. How can there be anything wrong about being attracted to men and expressing that in your life?

I can also assure you from my own experience that the doubt and repression vanish completely once you begin to come out and experience life as a gay man. Your only regret is that you waited so long to do this.

I hope that things go smoothly for both of you.

 

I have a female friend I was thinking about coming out to. I've known her for many years, and we talk several times a week. I'm absolutely certain she would be supportive and would do whatever she could to help me process everything. However, we do have quite a few close friends in common, so I have this slight worry that she might tell one of them. But the way you're describing your interactions with your female friends kind of makes me want to just take that risk and tell her.

I also had a bit of breakthrough myself. I was driving around running errands yesterday and spotted an attractive guy walking down the street. I actually allowed the words, "Oh wow!. He's really hot!" to enter my brain without suppressing them or feeling disgusted or ashamed. Coincidentally, I saw the same guy again about an hour or so later a couple miles from where I first spotted him and allowed myself to acknowledge his attractiveness a second time.

And yeah, I still notice attractive women quite frequently, but I don't get as excited as I might have in the past. I realize there's no real desire there.

 

It is interesting ... my wife knows I am bi.. but ignores the fact.. it only becomes a problem when I hint a guy is hot.. Hallo, we are both checking him out.. can you not notice it .. especially if we make the same comments ... So, I know the feeling.. sometimes one can only fantasize..

 

Similar - but I went a little further. Have noticed a very hot guy in the gym these past two months. So today, I said hello. He's everything I'd want, but I wouod be somewhat surprised if I was for him, considering the age difference. Anyway, I told myself that if all I did was steal glances I would gain nothing. So maybe we can talk again. I hope so. I am pretty sure he's gay. And if he is, he won't be unaware of my attention. But it doesn't seem to bother him.
A new LGBT support cafe has opened nearby. I'm revving up the excuse/courage to go in a stare out the window...a bit like Isak in Skam. I've given myself permission, as you say, to look now.

 

Hi B1lat3ral. I was reminned by an old friend that I did come out to my wife 6 years ago, and that I don't need to do it again! But she ignores it too. I'm getting freeer with the comments about guys now. Could be the auto self destruct is on countdown for me...destruction of the marriage I guess.