Embracing your homosexuality

It dosent help im married and can't act on these fantasies and feelings

 

I tried to ignore it for years, and it worked for a while. Eventually, I had to act on it, but I thought that I was simply curious and that once I satisfied that curiosity once or twice, I could forget about it and move on. Then there was a third and fourth time a few years later, and I could no longer convince myself that I was straight. But I tried once again to repress these feelings and desires, but it's not working at all.

 

I feel your pain. I've been living with my girlfriend for two years, and I can't afford to break up with her and move out. I've never cheated on anyone before, and I don't intend to, but I would be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind.

 

Me neither never would throw away 12 years of marriage but those urges and feelings won't go away I have tryed for years to put that stuff on the back burner

 

When I was a teen id watch gay porn and knew I liked it and something I wanted to try

 

H

How did you ignore it and keep it off your mind ?

 

While I've got a long ways to go before I can say I've fully embraced this, I guess it's helpful to be aware that there's no point in trying to date women if/when my current relationship ends. It also helps to know why I rarely was able to maintain interest in them romantically beyond the first few weeks. I thought I was just having an unbelievably difficult run of bad luck. There's a certain comfort in realizing that I was subconsciously desperately trying to find someone to protect me from having to acknowledge, even to myself, that I'm gay and that there is no point in continuing this charade.

It was a combination of extreme denial, willpower, and fear. I think my gay inclinations would only bubble to the surface of my consciousness on relatively rare occasions at first, and I was able to tell myself things such as "It's just a phase," "I'm just curious, that's all," or other excuses to keep me from actually having to accept it. As the years went on, these "phases" would last longer and become much more intense. Eventually, I began to accept that the simple explanation that I'm gay was obviously based more in reality than all of the complicated explanations I kept coming up with. But I think if you're looking for strategies as to how to keep it off your mind, I suspect we're both long past that point if we're posting on here. It's probably not healthy in the long run anyway. I know I did myself (and probably every woman I've dated) by trying to ignore these feelings for so long. How we move forward embracing being gay while continuing to be in hetero relationships is something I'm still trying to wrap my mind around though.

 

Not sure how this would be possible. It would make more sense if you were bi. Moving forward would mean embracing and living your life as a gay man sans a female. Most us out gay men aren’t married to women.

 

I do agree entirely with Contented. If you are gay the desires will become so intense that you will know that you have to experience them in real life. Occasionally gay men are able to continue a mixed orientation marriage but this is not common and is likely to prove very difficult. I know that in my case my wife and I concluded that we had to make a clean break otherwise this would not have been fair to either of us.

 

That was poorly worded on my part in my previous post. I don't intend to continue this relationship indefinitely. However, I'm not in a position where I would be able to move out at this time, so I need to figure out an exit strategy very quickly.

 

Im not gay im Bi but same concept

 

It was after realizing that the feelings I had for other guys legs and feet were sexual that I began to realize that maybe I wasn’t that straight and began to accept I’m attracted to guys and found some other things attractive too.

 

DCH you are without a doubt in a tough situation. We all have been there for the most part. Finding a reasonable and honest way out is owed to both parties. Not to beat a dead horse but trying to deny your homosexuality long term simply doesn’t work. It begins to invade your thoughts non stop until it becomes something you just can’t ignore. In reality staying in a “ straight” relationship is not fair to either party. Neither one can truly satisfy the other on sexual levels alone not to mention emotional and romantic ones. For the majority of us gay men the only option is out. As painful as that path might be, in the end it is worth it for both parties.

 

The only way to embrace homosexuality is living gay life. It's simple.

 

I

Its not that easy for everyone

 

Why? What is difficult for you?

 

Exactly, it's feeling of relief to no longer have to spend the mental energy trying to like women and trying to suppress your desires for men.

 

I agree. remember trying to do this and each time I 'gave in' to my gay thoughts it felt better and better, it felt more and more like 'coming home' to a safe, warm place.

Imagine telling a straight guy that. Hey just have sex with a woman one or two times and it will go away

 

For sure, it is truly a relief to be able acknowledge that women hold no sexual interest for you. The pretending and faking is over. The relief is tangible and it’s real. You free yourself from the mental anguish of trying to find attraction to women when in reality isn’t doesn’t exist. For some it’s the first time they I can say they prefer men as sexual, emotional and romantic partners.

 

I realized that I was often scanning for a woman that I would find so attractive that I would get sexually aroused. This never happened but I didn't realize how often I was doing it subconsciously and how much time I was spending doing it.

One of the first things that is often recommended to people here is going to the mirror and saying 'I am gay' and seeing how it felt. I was shocked how good it felt and how much elation I felt. I still get that feeling now.

A few weeks I tried something different. Going to the mirror, and admitting to myself I didn't like women sexually and didn't thinking about the sex organs sexually. I felt an intense feeling of relief when I finally said this to myself even though I had accepted myself as gay and it was implied.


I was never comfortable 'talking dirty' about women and was kind of repulsed. In denial I said it was just because I wasn't crude like other guys, but that wasn't true.