Embracing your homosexuality

It’s complicated. I am early 50’s, married for almost twenty years, with two kids. I’m not see myself as gay, depending on how you define that, but see myself as a basically straight-ish guy who really likes dick and being a bottom. I had my first bisexual experience recently with someone around my age and loved it. This experience was the culmination of deliberate efforts. My marriage is sexless for several reasons and I love my kids. Any pursuit of my hetereroflexibilities will be conducted off the radar. I can live with that for now. But, sex is a complicated thing and not the either/or thing we are fed by society as we grow up.

 

I am not sure how if your gay you can stay in a pseudo heterosexual relationship. Eventually you will reach a tipping point where you can no longer play that game. No question is not an easy fix however living the rest of our lives unfulfilled and unhappy is a bleak existence.

 

This seems like a very telling statement. While you can acknowledge a woman’s beauty you have no desire for intimacy with one. The thought of her undressed seems foreign and being intimate with her bordering on gross seems like a fairly normal progression in your gay evolution. Like you I can certainly acknowledge a beautiful woman but the idea of sex with one is just totally disgusting to me now.

 

'heteroflexibilities'? That is a wonderful word. Since coming out to me (and my wife, disastrous) I've read a lot of stuff onlne and there have been quite a few new words and concepts in this new world that I've had fun wrapping my head arount. You take the biscuit so far! Outstanding.
Richarde, I would dearly like to connect as I'm pretty much at the same stage in this dance. Only I haven't met anyone extra curricular so far. I'm doing what I can, but the nature of my relationship with my wife is so suffocating that getting time away is just about impossible. Something will break, then.

 

I didn’t come up with the term “heteroflexible” but it does best describe my situation. I’m not gay, really. My preference for dick is a sexual one, not a romantic one. Then again, my wife and have been discussing getting a dog (I’m a dedicated cat person) and I admit that perhaps if I met the right dog, I’d be a dog person. I love women, and have an equal number of male and female friends and acquaintances. It all depends on how one frames the situation. But this is all recent; when I watch porn, watching lesbian sex turns me on, far more than straight sex, but while watching straight sex, I focus on male hardware, which excites me hugely. But whatever the situation, I fantasize about being the female and identity with her, not the guy. Like I said, it’s complicated but that’s ok.

 

Define it in whatever way that is beneficial. I hear you loud and clear. I love that scene in “Angels in America” where Roy Cohn says, I’m not gay, I’m simply a straight guy who likes to fuck other guys. I’m sorry about all the domestic fallout you must be going through, I’m sure it’s difficult. My spouse has her own not unsmall sexual issues and sometimes I have to fight the urge to tell her, “how was your day, I hope you don’t mind, but I met this guy online and we had sex in the back of his car in the same Petco parking lot where I pick up our bi-weekly supply of cat litter and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Do you want salmon or chicken for dinner?” I play the bottom in that relationship. Try to have a sense of humor as well as hope. It’s all a very sticky laughable business.

 

It's been a serious day for me, in a nice thought provoking way. I visited the local LGBT centre and achieved some validation. But I like your take! Maybe we all worry and some Do Gooders get rather too far up their own arses! Hee hee. I really enjoyed your post....

 

PS which online places does one go? How do you post your picture without worry? I give up with talking, it's time for action...stickier the better.

 

There’s a ton of social media sites. And for many you don’t need to post anything from the collarbone up.

 

Thank you, I enjoyed writing it!