19, male, in college. Pretty much openly bi when it comes up. Almost all my friends are girls and i mainly hang around with just girls. From what friends tell me I act both gay and straight, and I act feminine pretty often. I prefer and would only date girls though, but I can’t help my same sex sexual attractions. I’ve experimented and done more stuff in bed with guys, and have come to the conclusion that I’m bi. I almost never get the chance to come out to new people I meet. Someone always outs me first, and sometimes that makes me uncomfortable because I only like to tel people if I know 110% that they won’t judge. I’m really embarrassed about my sexuality and feel that my feelings are wrong. But when I am in bed with another guy, I can’t help but feel happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. Parts of me tell me that I should feel right, but I have such a hard time accepting it especially because I feel like a lot of people still don’t see it as anything close to .. normal. And I have some friends that i feel are a little homophobic on the down low. How do I get over this?
Ya know, I recently made a post there about how I can get fed up with being gay and such and you just get the bad days. For you it seems a bit similar but more so it seems that you're more afraid to just accept yourself. Now that's easier said than done because it took me years before I did, but you're fighting what feels good and right to you...why? You claim yourself bi and that's fine but I think, just based on what you have written, that you're more leaning on the gay side of life and you know that yourself and therefore a little worried and afraid to accept it. It can be tough, and it's hard to accept it in this day and age, but honestly lad, you need to try and push past these feelings of "normality" and what not and it'll get so much easier. You can't just "Get over" who you are and what you are attracted to because in that case, you'll just be living a lie. The thing about lies, they always get unravelled eventually. You're still young and peer opinion is important to you, but you'll realise that it's only important the opinion of those that you care about and indeed, if they care about you, they won't care what way you are. Keep strong bud
First of all you should never feel embarrassed about who you are, especially if it's concerning your sexuality, but it is a reality. I've noticed a trend among people in your situation and that is that usually they've experienced homophobia or witnessed it, and this adds to the embarrassment or shame, which ever you may be feeling about your sexuality. My advice would be to just be who you are! If you can just relax and be yourself you'll eventually be way more happier with yourself/life. Having extremely homophobic friends may result in loss of friendship I warn in advance, but you never know, having an LGBT friend may decrease their homophobia, and they may not go anywhere. If you be yourself however, you'll eventually be surrounded by people/friends who like you for being you, you'll be more comfortable with yourself, you won't be embarrassed or ashamed, and all will be well! You should make a pros and cons list, or just have a deep thinking session with yourself. Think about being yourself honestly and open with people, you may have some negative thoughts pop up at first, but keep visioning it, it gets better. Realistically think of the outcome long-term for yourself, if you're realistically thinking you'll find that it would be a weight lifted, with the main outcome of happiness for yourself!
