Ok....so. i got violent with my 14 year old brother we'll call Jay. I ended up scuffling around with him and gave him a bloody nose that bled for about an hour. let me back up and give you some of the background. Jay..has never had a lot of friends. he's very socially awkward and gets picked on alot in school. he gets bullied emotionally and doesn't take pride in a lot of things. very few. our dad, who doesn't live with us, doesn't congradulate him or express pride in anyway. he hasn't done that with any of us kids. Anyway. Jay is always picking on and bullying our 5 year old brother, i'll call M. M apparently "annoys" him too much. So Jay will shove him, trip him, push him down, smack him across the head. etc. He always has. Tonight was a relatively minor incident. M was sitting on a stool asking Jay to play the drums for Rockband and Jay decides to shove M down. M lands on his stomach smacking his head against the chair. (I was four feet away when this happened and M did nothing that justified getting shoved) He hit it hard enough to move the chair and it bent his glasses so far out of wack that our mom can't fix it. That was the last straw for me. I told mom how sick i am of Jay bullying M around. The kid isn't even half his size. I was shaking so bad. I've wanted to deck him and told mom that. She said..."do it. he needs to be shown he isn't all that. i just can't be held responsible for what he does to you in return." So she went in and talked to him, came back and told me how Jay "actually enjoys bullying him because he's bored and there's nothing else to do." That's when i lost it. I went in there screaming at him and saying "if you want to bully someone smaller than you bully me!" (i'm about a foot shorter but 5 years older) i was getting in his face. we fought, he threw me to the ground a few times and thats when i punched him a few times giving him the bloody nose. After that i left and went outside to cool off for a few. Dad came over so i thought he'd want me inside to talk to for hitting him. instead, dad says "nice hit. i think it'll leave a fairly good sized punch" And M, im sorry to say, saw alot and couldn't help but hear me screaming at Jay, ended up cheering me on. Im just...really confused with how to feel. I mean...Jay isn't a bad kid and he's got a ton of emotional problems. And i know that doesn't justify him bullying our 5 year old brother. But...i feel really bad for beating him up, but at the same time...i really feel he deservered it. Both my parents even said it was fine and someone needed to do that. But i feel horrible now because now he's beating himself up saying he's worthless and a terrible person for making his brother scared to be around him. I dunno. I can't figure out how to feel. I'm a mix of thinking "he deserved that, i hope i broke his nose", "I shouldn't have done that," and "wow...i have a pretty decent arm." (< which i know i shouldn't be thinking that last one, but every time i look at his face, i kinda grin inside because i did that.) I feel bad. I don't even know what im asking. Opinions i guess.
He needs to be sent to military school or some shot. Beating up a 5 year old kid? WHAT the fuck. NO. Just, ugh, NO. The kid, EVEN if hes being a brat, cannot harm anyone more than twice his own age. He poses to threat yo Jay. So the fact Jay would beat on someone so defenseless, AND for no reason, is just wrong. Definitly need to sort out this boy. Discipline his ass off id say.
Okay,I agree that Jay shouldn't be beating on the younger brother. That's a no-brainer. What I do have a problem with is the parents. THEY need to be the one's to disipline Jay,not leave it up to the sister. Encouraging a sister to beat on her brother is just as bad (or worse) than what Jay did. I don't agree with violence. The parents need to punish Jay,when he acts out,not leave it up to the sister. Or get him professional help,if he has that many problems. Okay,I'm done!
Honestly, I feel that you were completely justified, and the fact that he thinks hes a terrible person is good... he should be reflecting on how he was treating M was terrible. If anything, pride yourself that you are helping Jay stop with bullying just because he gets picked on himself, and that M wont get pushed around anymore. It's unfortunate that Jay has other emotional problems, but picking on his own little brother?? I'm also glad you look after your 5 year old brother, because it seems like your parents dont do much. But hey! At least you have a good arm
Wow. I don't typically recommend more than one person get some therapy but your whole family needs a little. Mom wants to punch the kids, but wants to not be at fault...dad doesn't care about kids, and congratulates children on their brawling abilities. Emotionally wrecked and significantly disturbed older brother beating on single digit old kid... hmmm. You might want to be careful. That older boy might knife you or your parents one of these days. No joke. I don't think this situation was handled appropriately in any manner and the parents should be given parenting pamphlets or something. I'm just going to have to walk away now. lol XD This might be a first. (!)
The past is the past. What to go going forward is something to consider... It does sound like your middle brother needs some 'tough love'. He should have been disciplined the very first time he ever hit / pushed / abused, and there should have been a zero tollerance level set. As a parent, that's my responsibility. So it will be more difficult to get under control now, but that's what needs to be done. And you shouldn't be the enforcer. That's your mom's job. As a single parent, I know it's hard. But that's too bad. Don't beat yourself up. But don't beat up other people any more either. You parents aren't setting a good example. Good luck.
I would consider, having beaten him up, now explaining to him what caused your frustrations towards him in the first place, and talk about what you can both do to fix the problem. You're half-way there. Although I don't really agree with harming him, it may be a wake-up call to Jay. Now he's aware of the fact that he's bullying someone half his age and height. What you need to do now is finish the job, by talking to him and helping him overcome whatever it is that is causing him to do this, whether it be taking action at school to prevent him from being bullied, or otherwise. At the moment, he is now probably more depressed than he was before. He used to be picked on, but he had M as an outlet. Now, he is still being picked on, feels like an ass for letting it out on M, and feels worthless and powerless because you have overcome him physically. He needs that reassurance that he can still hold his own, that reassurance that he is worth something. And he needs your help. You can see what position he is in; You mean well, so help him through this and guide him to being a better person. He may need your help to decide on some goals to achieve. Short, medium, and long-term measurable milestones, whether it be in behavior, grades, or what have you. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you both.
Jay is passing on his frustrations with being bullied onto little brother. He doesn't feel he has control when he's bullied so he gains control by bullying somebody smaller than him. Its a vicious circle of violence. He really needs to be in counseling ASAP to learn how to deal with the bullies at school. Your parents need to step in and talk to authorities at school! (Not encouraging you to deck him!!!!!!) Please suggest to your mom that she get Jay some help!
Mom has talked to him about how to make things better. He just says things like "don't know; don't care.". And Jay refuses to do anything having to do with anger management classes or any other form of therapy. And I don't know what I can do to help him (referencing Vector here). I want to, but he never has let me sit down and talk to him. He won't let anyone. He knows exactly why i did what i did. I don't know how to get close to him and help him set up those goals. In all honesty..Im just as lost as him.
It's never a simple thing, but you could always start by opening the dialog. Just a simple "If you need help I'm here for you" could get the ball rolling. It's quick enough for you to say it and for him to absorb it, doesn't require you to sit him down, etc.
