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EC too negative for me

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by newgirl31, Mar 13, 2013.

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  1. newgirl31

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    I think I am going to take a break from this site. Tired of dealing with people putting out negative stereotypes with the pretense of asking questions.

    Thank you so incredibly much for your friendships on here.
     
  2. Thatoneguy

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    Sad to see you go. I don't think people are doing it on purpose, some people are genuinely uneducated when it comes to LGBT issues.
     
  3. Argentwing

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    Agreed. Always better to give the benefit of the doubt and assume you are interpreting wrongly than go straight to blaming people for having homophobic agendas, on a site about eliminating them no less.

    We're not the ones whose opinions will be changed by perpetuated stereotypes anyway. Do you think gay people will turn into "God hates fags" supporters?
     
  4. BudderMC

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    I think some people are genuinely uneducated when it comes to any issues that don't involve them.

    I'd agree there has been some negativity going around as of late, though I don't think most of it is intentional. Perhaps there's a discrepancy between the number of people seemingly wanting to learn and the number of people patient enough to explain.

    Regardless, we'll be here if you choose to return. Take care.
     
  5. Pret Allez

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    Being uneducated is not an excuse. Not even remotely. People can and should check Google before just posting shit about other people and how they experience their sexual orientation or gender identity. People around here have proven time and time again how it's possible to be queer and yet still be a complete jackass.
     
    #5 Pret Allez, Mar 13, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2013
  6. Kay

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    Newgirl31 I will miss you and I understand where you are coming from. I know what you are talking about. I will miss you and would hope you all good things in life.
    You will always be dear to me angel. Hugs so much
     
  7. robclem21

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    I think you need to get off your high horse. People come here for support and to be educated. Google is full of inaccurate and misleading information. Calling people jackasses for being inquisitive and trying to become more educated about these topics will make people stop asking and perhaps continue to believe wrong information they are getting. This is your chance to inform people correctly but instead you choose to call them jackasses because they may not be at a stage of understanding you are at.

    This should be an open and UNDERSTANDING environment. Your attitude towards others on this site is why some people are afraid to ask questions.
     
  8. Crystine

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    I feel the same way about EC for my own personal reasons and I'd understand why you'd want to take a break :slight_smile: I'd take a break too but this is the only place where I can truly be myself so... Whatever.

    Good Luck to you :wink:
     
  9. redstormrising

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    That, and it seems like sometimes "uneducated" is used as a synonym for "disagrees with me." This isn't directed at anyone in particular, but sometimes I get the feeling there are prescribed, "correct" opinions we are expected to hold as members of the LGBT community, from which one is not to deviate. Sorry, but I am not a cookie-cutter member of the Borg. I may on occasion hold contrary opinions.
     
  10. Thieves

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    I understand where you're coming from Newgirl, and I hope some time soon that you decide to return when you feel you've fulfilled your desired break. As another poster said, most of us will still be here with welcoming arms either way. None of us are perfect, and sometimes we all may end up coming off as naive or uneducated at some point, but I do believe it's not always with the worst intentions. However, if you need a break, you need a break. It's a good time to take in a deep breath of fresh air and do some personal thinking, and just live our life. We all need that occasionally. :slight_smile:
    Much love, hope to see you and hear from you again soon (*hug*)
     
  11. Minx

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    I'm not sure departing for awhile would solve things.

    Those things will probably be around when you return. I've learned to avoid negative threads and negative people, or I engage said topics/people in small doses.

    It works out smoothly that way. :grin:

    But best of luck and happiness for you! :wave:
     
  12. AAASAS

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    Try the fun and games thread. Still can interact on there
     
  13. LailaForbidden

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    But...but... you're one of my favorite people :tears: but I do understand where you're coming from. This place can be ultra-depressing. Good luck and I hope you return! (*hug*)
     
  14. AKTodd

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    After considering and rejecting several responses to this, I guess I'm left with the following thoughts:

    1) I gather that there has been something of a dustup on another thread (I wasn't really following it, other than to get the general sense that the conversation was getting heated), to the point that the moderators locked it. As a result, I can understand that emotions may be running a bit high at the moment. That said...

    2) I fail to see how the issue raised by the OP (EC being too negative) is address in any useful way by calling people names. In fact that seems to be rather taking things in the opposite direction.

    3) Part of the Code of Conduct of EC says the following:

    "Conduct yourself with respect to others. Always keep in mind the "Golden Rule": Treat others the way you would like to be treated. By doing so, you will have a more rewarding experience."

    4) I really fail to see how either the Code of Conduct or the general goal of EC to be a safe and friendly (and presumably positive) place for people to find support, information, and understanding is being followed by anyone descending to the level of name calling. That the level of name calling engaged in seems more appropriate to a schoolyard and someone half your age degenerates it to not only rude but, quite frankly, pathetic.

    5) Since a level of behavior more appropriate to a child is apparently the order of the day in this instance, perhaps a reminder of an old saying that usually only needs to be applied to a child is also in order:

    If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

    Quite.

    Todd
     
  15. Owen

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    When you see this happening, please, please, please use the post report feature to bring it to the staff's attention. It's this little button on the left side of each post: [​IMG]. The staff only have so many eyes, so if you can bring these kinds of things to our attention, we can address them before they reach a point where you feel like you need to take a break.

    We're a support forum first and foremost. We may be many things in addition to that--a place where people can discuss topics of interest to them, a place where people can talk to those like them, a place where people can be educated about LGBT issues--but when anything else clashes with maintaining a supportive atmosphere, we will always put support first. And that includes educating people.

    I'm all for educating people who don't know about certain topics, and if it can be done without compromising EC's supportive atmosphere, great! But there's a big difference between, "Are the stereotypes about bisexuals being promiscuous true?" and "In my opinion, bisexuals are more promiscuous than monosexuals. Do you agree?" That's just pulling an example out of thin air, since I can't recall any specific cases of people parading stereotypes as asking a question out of genuine desire to be educated, but statements like the latter hurt the supportive atmosphere we're trying to create. Plus, they're against the Code of Conduct:

    If people are really open to being educated about an issue, there's a way to convey that in a post and avoid insulting our members.

    TL;DR: We're a support community first, and please report things that detract from a supportive atmosphere!
     
  16. Pret Allez

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    Part of coming here for support is not undermining the support atmosphere by posting offensive stuff without any research at all. That would include people repeating stereotypes about transgender and bisexual people, which I might add has been done repeatedly in the last few months and has required moderation. Specific examples include "X has a penis and therefore is a man, and therefore should stay out of the women's bathroom," or "bisexuals have straight privilege"/"bisexuals are more likely to cheat"/"I'm afraid to date bisexuals." These are things real people say, I never ever in my time posting here have I seen a single person who was told "no, that's not the way it is" ever turned around and said "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I should have educated myself."


    No offense, but although your account has existed longer than mine, I have way more posts than you. I would therefore submit that I've seen a wider range of the posts than you have. Sometimes, you're right, people are being inquisitive, and I have no problem with that. And sometimes, people ask offensive questions when they are legitimately wondering. And I'm okay with that, again, because at least they want to know. What I think you're missing is that sometimes people don't want to know. They are pretending to want to know, and what they are really doing is venting and asking other people to validate their biases.
     
    #16 Pret Allez, Mar 13, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2013
  17. BudderMC

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    The thing is though, if we're talking serious stereotyping, then people actually believe what they're saying. Stereotypes are used as a cognitive shortcut. It takes a hell of a lot of effort to stop stereotyping, and just as much to want to learn information that counters what you know.

    Being an inclusive person (and community by extension) does include being inclusive of those who are seemingly offensive. You don't have to agree, but you can't chide them for not knowing any better, whether intentional or not. That leaves you with two options: reply politely to explain why they're misinformed, or choose to not reply at all. Anything else is likely disrespectful and will not fly on these forums. In any case, this is why we ask all of you guys to report things you see as offensive. What is offensive to one person may not be offensive to another.

    And regarding your last sentence, I read a post yesterday that said just that. So I wouldn't say it "never" happens.

    With all due respect, nobody should be allowed to dictate what someone else's true intentions are. Phrasing of a question can sometimes indicate what people are getting at, and sometimes people just phrase sentences poorly (myself, for example).

    While not necessary for being inclusive, not always assuming the worst in people isn't a bad thing to live by. It often makes situations run a lot more smoothly.
     
  18. TheEdend

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    That's actually not true at all.

    An inclusive environment is not the same as a free-speech zone. Offensive people that undermine the main goal of an inclusive environment do not belong there.

    In any LGBTQ spaces there has to be a balance between education and support. As awesome as EC is, there is a gap in the education part which in turn puts the pressure on members to both seek support while also educating themselves, and then educating others. That strategy is fine for a lot of people, but it also doesn't work for others, especially if you are a minority within a minority.

    That being said, I know there isn't an easy fix to the problem so we have to work with what we have. For anyone out there that sees this becoming a serious problem, like Owen said, report it! Seriously, if you don't report things then the Staff won't even know there is a problem going on. Also, the more reports something gets, the more likely it will be solved.
     
  19. Winfield

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    i secound that ^^^ and all the best to you "Miss"
     
  20. AKTodd

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    So...after letting this percolate overnight for a bit some thoughts...

    Looking through this thread I realized that I felt some echoes of other places where I hang my virtual hat sometimes. Specifically, the issues that were raised here gave a sense of folks who feel they are often answering the same questions/addressing the same issues over and over and over and who are starting to feel tired of it. In addition, I believe at least one person flat out said that there are issues (whether within EC or in the world in general) with some members of the LGBT community dealing with various stereotypes or lack of support even within the community itself. And an overall sense of folks feeling that some types of questions are offensive or intended to be while others point out that it's possible for someone to be offensive w/o meaning to be and biting their head off when they ask a question isn't going to help matters (I'm paraphrasing or compiling my sense of the discussion here).

    Beyond the above, I've noticed just in my short time here that a lot of the same questions come up on the forum again and again and get answered again and again. This just within those parts of the forum I've been paying attention to or feeling I was qualified to post an answer to. And I've come across some terms and phrases that I frankly had never seen before coming here and am still unclear on in some cases.

    Putting all this together, I'm wondering if it might be worthwhile to look at a couple of things here:

    a) Remember as a good rule of thumb that if a question makes you grind your teeth, you don't necessarily need to answer it (one should never compose email while snarling:slight_smile:). If it seems flat out offensive, then it should probably be reported to the staff without replying to it and let them handle it. Actually the staff has been saying this just on this thread, but I know from experience it can be tempting to fire off an answer to the poster and then report to the staff. Perhaps just being more willing to kick things to the staff could be helpful.

    b) Expanding the EC Resources pages to include more extensive information on some topics, and to add areas devoted to the concerns of each of the letters within the LGBT (or LGBTQ etc) group. This might be anything from FAQ pages focused on each group, to articles written or compiled by the membership, to links to various resources elsewhere on the web that are deemed to be accurate and useful.

    c) A glossary of terms that might be unfamiliar to people, whether because they are new to all this or simply new to the current vernacular (what is a biromantic pansexual for example? Or whatever, I'd never heard of these distinctions before coming here and am still unclear on them).

    The main point I'm trying to make I guess is that EC is a de facto information source on the web already so it might be helpful to strengthen that role and that a solid set of informational resources that members can point people to (instead of reiterating the same points yet again) could go a long way toward doing that.

    I realize that there could be (almost certainly are) various issues that would need to be resolved around anything like this, but figured I'd throw out the clay pigeons and see what people think. So grab your skeet shooters and have at it.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
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