Hey out there I started to recover from my bulimia in November 2016, had my first relapse a few weeks ago and am atm struggling with some strange kind of double-dysphoria. On the one side I blame myself for looking the way I do cause of course I've put on some weight, lost it again fast and put it back on even faster. Weight still means a fucking lot to me, even if I try to fight against it, it's pretty hard to accept that I've got a body and that it will always take it's space. This is when dysphoria number two kicks in. This body is not at all what I want. Before I was able to keep up the illusion of becoming skinnier and fitter but know I have to arrange myself with that 'thing' at till I start T and get top-surgery. But I'll have to wait around 3-5 years anyways so I'm stuck and got a lot of time to think. Will testosterone help me with recovery? Like when I come closer to a male body, will there be less reasons to relapse? May there are others around who are/have been struggling with an ED before/during the therapy/surgery-process. If, how did it effect you? yrs.