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Dysnfuncational families

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ECMember, Mar 31, 2018.

  1. ECMember

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    Has anyone lived in a dysfunctional family?

    I've lived in one all my life. It's a complicated mess but I'll explain as best I can.

    I have a father that has PTSD related to Vietnam war combat experience and secondary to child abuse from an abusive alcoholic father. From there I've had dealt with my fathers outbursts and rage at times with arguments with my mom over different issues related to my mom's brothers(my maternal uncles), my maternal aunt, money, whether if my mom has been with another man which never has happened.

    My dad has worked multiple jobs from working as a welder in the railroad then getting injured and having a settlement, teachers assistant in a special ed classroom, security officer, teachers aide in a juvenile probation school. My dad stopped working full time in 2006 after some bullshit with some men at his work. He wasn't fired he quit due to the tension at the job site.

    So he was unemployed most of the time but did work some brief stints during this period and my mom worked as a sub teacher as the main breadwinner. We relied on my dad's settlement check and my moms earning and my sisters earnings to survive.

    So I've dealt with poverty all my life.

    I felt hesistant to form friendships in high school due to my poverty/and coming to terms with my dad's "episodes" at the time. I didn't understand PTSD at the time until my dad was applying for va benefits.

    We were in near poverty till my dad applied for his va diability for PTSD. It felt like a bettersweet victory when my dad was approved for 100% disability compensenation for his PTSD service connected disability because I had to dealt with My dad's PTSD episodes for 19 years of my life. My dad had applied years prior for va benefits in the 80s but was mocked and got pissed and left.

    My dad applying for va benefits in 2010-2011 overshadowed my struggles fitting in college. I was dealing with social anxiety, depression, being a minority(I'm a Mexican American/Chicano), poverty, failing grades but my dad's va claim seemed to be more in the picture
     
  2. ECMember

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    The issue with my extended family is a complicated one.


    I can say that my dad is slightly estranged from some of his brothers and sisters, partly due to some issues related to the death of my grandfather(over his estate) and maybe other issues I don't know about. I know my dad telling when my grandfather died(this was before I was born), his siblings were like vultures and took what they want from my grandfather. And my dad just for an old metal measuring tape(it's at my house).

    My dad talked to my aunt Diana a couple of times in the 90s and 2000s. My mom doesn't like my aunt Diana. She married my maternal uncle George. It's a complicated thing. My aunt Diana seemed to manipulate my dad in the early 90s by saying to him and caused him to have some rage related to my mom's family particularly her brothers. That's what I've theorized based on hearing things about my aunt Diana from my mom. Also I think my aunt had mental health issues because my mom claimed my aunt attacked my dad in the past.

    My aunt Diana passed away last April related to brain cancer but I did wanted to ask her some questions:

    1. Why did she manipulate my dad?
    2. Why did she want to inherit my grandparents estate?
    3. Did she have any guilt for all the pain she has caused in my family?
     
  3. 21zephyr

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    My mom and 3 sisters were molested by 4 brothers. 2 of my mom’s brothers molested my sister and me. My mother’s nephew molested my other sister. My mom’s family is extremely homophobic and stupid. To top it all off they are extremely Catholic. My mother has a better relationship with her brother who raped me than she does with me. Hope this is dysfunctional for this thread.

    On a positive note, my sisters and I have all graduated from college and have good careers. We are close and we avoid my mother’s family at all costs.
     
  4. Mahidevran

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    I did.
    my mother spent most of her childhood in an orphanage (my granddad was an alcohol addict and my grandma was more interested in getting new husbands). it affected her so much that she's unable to properly show love to her two children (me and my younger sister), if she ever loves us at all. she's been always more caring and tolerant to my sister and always passed her anger on me. so I was a victim of domestic violence (both physical and mental/emotional) and my sister was witnessing it. when she grew older, she's been trying to defend me. I'm so happy to have her in my life.
    my dad wasn't like that (also he's been always fancying me more than my sis), but he’s been mostly absent due to business trips. and he wasn't even aware of most things that happened when he was absent.
    neither of my parents knew (or maybe was willing to acknowledge) when I was abused by someone else.
     
  5. Assassin'sKat

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    My family is a mess so I feel you.