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Dressing for comfort VS. dressing to attract people...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ruby Dragon, Oct 31, 2018.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I'm a tomboy, I have short hair, am about 50kg/100lbs overweight, am quite tall (5'10). I come across as this big, awkward blob with huge boobs to boot...

    Though I have more feminine tops in my wardrobe, I don't particularly enjoy wearing it, because I don't want to appear "girly". I'm more of a t-shirt person, and have two golf shirts that I enjoy wearing frequently. I want to buy some more golf shirts, but I know that since I have really short hair (for a woman), I will come across as a butch lesbian, and therefore repel men, who seem to be my preference to date. It's a catch-22 situation. Do I dress the way I feel most comfortable, or do I wear my feminine tops to attract men? To be honest, I don't really mind being seen as a butch lesbian, because I admire them for their guts to dress more masculine.

    But me being bisexual with a preference for the opposite sex, need to watch what I wear if I want to attract men at all. So I'm conflicted. I know that there are men who are attracted to more butch-looking women, but they are few and far between. The feminine tops I have, are closer to being t-shirts than blouses (I don't wear button shirts either). I am always in jeans, be it long jeans or shorts. Denim is super versatile and comfortable and I despise pants without pockets, lol.

    Another thing I don't particularly like is my handbag, or the fact that I need one at all. I can't put all my stuff in my pockets though, so the handbag is sort of a must-have. I don't like how it makes me feel so girly though. Wearing a backpack might work better, but with the amount of pickpockets going around, it's not feasible or practical. I want to buy one of those hippy boho bags to keep my stuff in rather than this square handbag. The boho bag will also better reflect my care-free personality and uniqueness. I haven't seen many of them around, which is great. Just makes me want one even more, lol. Image doesn't load, but if you Google tie dye hippie boho bag, you should find more or less what I'm looking for. There's one on Amazon that I like a lot though...
     
    #1 Ruby Dragon, Oct 31, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
  2. Cas girl

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    Hey, don’t be so down.
    Clothes dont define a person.
    The right person will like you for who you are, not what you wear.

    But if you still feel like you want a small wardrobe makeover for, let’s say some special occasions, then that can be easily done.

    The casual wear can be attractive when paired with the right accessories. Don’t worry.
    Can you show me a pic of the type of shirts you wear? Do you prefer round neck or collared neck? Are they like the clothes Ellen wears ?
    I am not able to form a picture based on your description.
    The girls in my country, even lesbians lean towards ethnic style clothing. I am not able to get a coherent picture.

    And do you loathe girly clothes or can you tolerate them to a certain extent?

    Have a nice day.
     
    #2 Cas girl, Oct 31, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
  3. Love4Ever

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    I like those boho bags too. I actually own one that I used for a while. I should break it back out... As for the clothes I will be the first to say I think you should dress the way you want. I don't like super feminine clothes either. I just don't. And even though I like men too I won't change to please them. They can take me the way I am or not at all. So I think you should wear the shirts you like. You may just have to make it more obvious you like men. Since you're afraid men will think you're gay you just need to make comments that indicate that you aren't. This might mean being more obvious with a guy that you're flirting, be more overt that you are looking at them as attractive etc. That should be more than enough for them to gage your interest without wearing things you don't want to wear. That's how I've approached men in the past and it worked like a charm. Because no matter how casual I was dressed I still look very much like a girl and have feminine features so it never prevented me from getting and giving attention to guys. I have found in my experience most men like positive attention from women and are relatively easy to please.
     
    #3 Love4Ever, Oct 31, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
  4. Shorthaul

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    <-- I'll second the men are pretty easy to attract. Especially if they are under 25...

    I will say that you should just dress the way you feel most comfortable and confident. If a confident women scares a guy off, you wouldn't want to date him any ways.
     
  5. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your replies :slight_smile:

    I agree that I should dress for comfort, even if some men (or even women) might not be attracted to it like I wish they'd be. But I'm not going to wear clothes that make me feel uncomfortable. Of course I'll keep wearing more feminine and fancy tops (blouses) for more formal events and church, I'm fine with that, because it's not like I have to wear it the whole day - I get changed into more comfortable clothes when I get home. Today I'm wearing a long flowing navy and white striped t-shirt and got complimented by one of the ladies I work with, and getting compliments when I'm actually dressed down, feels good.

    My mom always said that because I have a bigger build (gentle term for fat, lol), I have to wear longer tops to slim me down a bit. And this is actually one of my in-between tops, meaning it's not more to the masculine side as a regular t-shirt but it's not overly feminine either. So if I can find something similar, something that makes me feel more comfortable than feminine tops, I'd settle for that. I still want golf shirts though. I'm thinking of buying sports jerseys or something similar to it. Else I'll just buy plain golf shirts in various colours. The biggest thing is, I don't like showing off my cleavage. T-shirts and golf shirts hide it well, which is also part of why I'm more drawn to them, along with my tomboyish side... Lol.

    The shirts that I buy will be men's shirts, as the women's shirts tend to be shorter and more form-fitting (tapered in the waist section), whereas men's shirts are straight-cut and longer. I don't really have big hips, but my butt is big and wide :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I also have a big stomach, so wearing looser, longer shirts look better on me than the feminine cuts, which are shorter and tapered, as I've already mentioned. Anyway, thanks for your input, I appreciate it :slight_smile:
     
  6. Secrets5

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    I dress for comfort generally but there's this woman I like who I know likes a particular red top of mine so I wear it some times when I go around to her house. I like the top too but I wear it purposely to see if she's interested in more than just the top sometimes.
     
    #6 Secrets5, Nov 1, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2018
  7. eismeister

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    Hey there,

    I used to struggle similarly when I dated men (I am a gay woman but dated men, long story). I am also a bit overweight and hate feminine clothes. I tried to wear the things that were labelled feminine and always felt uncomfortable. I really just wanted to wear t-shirts and jeans.

    I found when I stopped trying to dress how men wanted me to dress, and I dressed how I wanted, I had more confidence. You'd be surprised how many men like a woman with confidence rather than just one dressed like a girl. There are a lot of men who like women who don't come off as feminine.

    As for your weight, I feel you. But again, you'd be surprised how few men actually do notice things like that. Some even prefer women who aren't sticks. I asked my ex-boyfriend when we were together how he could be attracted to me with how I looked. He said that honestly when we started talking he didn't notice.

    There are men out there that don't care and are more interested in you as a person. My advice is to do what makes you feel comfortable and makes you feel awesome, and men will come along (the right ones). Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  8. Love4Ever

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    All of this is so true. Be you.
     
  9. LaurenSkye

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    My theory is that you don't have to try to impress people all of the time. Go for comfort first, and if you can find something that is both comfortable and stylish, that's a bonus.
     
  10. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thanks you all!

    I feel great about it now. I will be sure to wear what I feel comfortable in rather than dress to impress/attract. I'm actually wearing one of my golf shirts today, and I feel super comfortable and happy, lol.

    As for the weight issue: I'm working on losing weight, and have lost some already, which makes me happy. I don't want to be super skinny (because that will never happen, since I have a big bone structure) but I want to have a flatter stomach and skinnier legs. I want to have more confidence in how I look, because I think my weight really holds me back. I know that the right people will be attracted to me regardless of my weight/the way I dress, so that gives me some peace of mind. I still want to keep improving my physical appearance though. Not for anyone else but myself...
     
  11. KarenLyn

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    I'm a tomboy too, always have been. Jeans or cargo pants, tank top and boots is what you'll usually find me in.
     
  12. Loves books

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    I was girly girl until I was nine. Skirts and dresses, lots of pink and the only pair of trousers I wore was pink jeans. Then I started going the other way. By 12 it was jeans, t-shirts, jumpers and runners. It hasn’t changed since. Occasionally I’ll trade in the runners for flat ankle boots in the winter. I don’t wear makeup. The only jewelry I own is a Waterford silver necklace and bracelet. Both a gift. I wear a silver claddagh ring that I never take off also a gift. Claddagh rings are popular in Ireland. I don’t own a handbag or purse. To my sister and female cousins close to my age I’m a foreign creature. When we are together I’m with the boys discussing the MCU while they discuss make up. I live for comfort.
     
    #12 Loves books, Nov 9, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018
  13. InStandbi

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    If a boy is attracted to you because of your clothes, then he usually isn't worth your time.