I am really dreading the holidays. My family has made it clear they don't accept me. I do think it puts conditions on their love for me. However I can't really talk to them about it. They aren't open for discussion or willing to understand how I am hurt. I stay away from them for the most part. Last year I didn't go to thanksgiving or Christmas and I used the divorce as an excuse that I didn't come over. It is depressing. I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said I am "playing the victim." For the most part we don't talk about it. I came out last year officially as Pansexual. I tried to talk to my mom about it and she said I don't agree with it and the conversation was quickly over. One thanksgiving I heard my Dad with his son in laws Dad making fun of gay people. That's what started me avoiding holidays. This is the second holiday since I have been divorced and I have the children for Thanksgiving. Last year I spent it with friends because the children were with their Dad. I really don't want to go home for Thanksgiving but the children have expressed they would like to go to my parents house. It is hard having to hide a big part of me and know how they treat me. My other sister has said some really awful things to me and even banned me from her house at one point. I am allowed there now but we have a very damaged relationship. I don't want to go home. I don't drive so its not like I can leave if things get bad. I won't have the children for Christmas so I can stay home then and just use the excuse that I want to be alone again due to the divorce. Last year I went to two different friends houses for thanksgiving and for the day after. This year I cant go to one because our friendship had a painful ending and I am still grieving that relationship. I just dread the holidays. There is so much pain tied to it.
In my opinion having children only gives you more reason to avoid toxic people. If they try to manipulate you and tell you that you are in the wrong in this that is just more demonstrations that they are abusive. My family is like this and my life has been so much better during the holidays since I have cut them out of my life. Life is far too short to keep allowing abusive people to continue to abuse us. You do not seem to live with them which means that when you talk to them it must be over some media (phone, chat, something). When they start getting abusive, tell them you will no longer accept this behavior and hang up. Even if it means blocking them on certain platforms.
What I see happening is that in addition to sexual minorities who experience discomfort during the holidays, there are single people who don't like them either. For Thanksgiving and the other religious meals in December, some singles celebrate them among themselves. One year I bolted far, far away. I found other single Americans who were doing the same thing. There are other ways to celebrate Thanksgiving. I took note that you have children. Can you take your children and go on a getaway somewhere with them? All of you might enjoy it and it will break up the routine and drudgery of doing it with people who weigh on you.