Youtube suggested this to me: so hooray, now i doubt myself again. Its a cycle every single fucking time. Because yes, i've been through traumatic shit and yes i've been taken advantage of and i'm very good at fooling myself. I spent my entire teen years convinced i liked guys (i don't, i like girls, but you couldn't have told me that) and that i was just being a good, studious daughter and religious person by not so much as looking at boys. I had a very higher-than-thou outlook on it without realizing it at the time. I just...i feel like because i didn't know from the moment i was old enough to dress myself that i was transgender, that surely i'm not. Yes i always felt different and always hated being labelled alongside other girls (but generally when people do that its negative anyways?). And yes packing for the first time even with just a rolled up sock just felt indescribably right and comforting and just right. And wearing a binder for the first time i felt like a kid on christmas, like finally i could not only stand to look at my silloutte in the mirror (never could before) but liked it. It was straighter than i'd ever seen it. But i've never had...centered body dyphoria. i can't think of the word but i never specifically hated my breasts or genitals i just hated my body as a whole, hated my reflection in the mirror. I grew up with no idea of that transgender was a word let alone something you could be. And its not something i immediately felt connected to, either. But i was also raised in a transphobic and homophobic (and to a point racist) family. It wasn't until i came on here to figure out my sexuality that i started to question my gender identity. But then seeing this video and reading the comments...i wonder if i just need to get my mental health sorted and then i'll be fine and not think i'm trans no more? Like would that happen? Is that why i'm scared to come out at work? I keep imagining them hating me or making fun of me and screaming or insulting, coworkers and customers i mean.