Don't think will ever come out... too afraid

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you ever considered talking to a therapist? Maybe that would help. Therapists are required to keep your info confidential and you don't really have a personal relationship with them so a therapist would be a good first person to tell. They may also be able to help you work through your issue.

 

I don’t have an urge to come out to my parents. I will do that if it’s necessary. Probably when I want to introduce my partner to my family.
I don’t see the point to come out when I’m single. I always wonder why to create a (possibly) upset situation to my parents when it’s unnecessary.

 

Faceup,

I was in your same boat only at 52- I came out 6 months ago. My coming out was forced since I shared the fact I was gay with a “trusted” friend and he threatened to out me. It’s a long story

Anyway, my advice... is everyone’s situation is so different... so no answer works for everyone. There is no perfect time to come out... had I not been threatened, I’d still be in the closet. Even though it was painful (mostly just in my own head) it was the best thing that happened to me.

Being out - to a dozen or so- has opened up my life. I have supportive friends and I’ve found this site. Even though I’m not totally out and I haven’t even had a gay kiss, I feel much more optimistic, in general.

My mother will never accept me, but I don’t care- she really didn’t like the straight me either. I found that coming part of the way out has already made me get out of my comfort zone. Staying in the closet my whole life would continued my misery.

Find a therapist, a trusted friend or family member. After the first one, you will be surprised how much easier it gets. I would pick someone who you know would accept you and would keep your privacy until you are totally out. A therapist is good if you can find and afford one. A close friend is great because you can have support that is accessible and free. My “friend” who turned on me was the exception to the rule. I’m really not mad at him any more because it actually was a blessing.

Good luck!!!

 

Sorry to hear this. Are your parents particularly anti-gay in any way, or have they kept expressing a desire for you to get married/have children etc? I know for one that I am guilty of using the narrative of disappointing my parents as a means of criticising myself and my supposed inadequacies (e.g. thinking how embarrassed they would be if I didn't get a job). When I was in the closet, I used to think I would disappoint my parents if I did come out, but when I thought about it, I realised it was an excuse over my internalised homophobia and lack of self-esteem. Once I had realised this and told myself that my parents probably wouldn't mind, I was still nervous, but felt like I had to take a breath and just tell them.

 

Hey faceup,

Please let me offer a couple of comments.

First of all, suicide is NEVER the answer. It is only an irrevocable 'solution' that doesn't actually 'solve' anything. It simply terminates the conversation without recourse.

Second, from your description, I would suggest that is sounds like your parents clearly 'know' or at least strongly suspect that you're Gay. So what is it that you are truly scared of? What if they are 'ignoring' it because they are homophobic? But what if they are 'ignoring' it because they care so much about you that they don't want to pressure you - rather they only want you to Come Out to them when you are comfortable doing so? You know your parents. I don't. But is it possible you are so deep in your fear about this that you might be missing their welcoming/acceptance signals?

Just asking...

 

I guess what I'm asking you to consider is mostly whether your actual concern is your fear that by Coming Out to your parents you would just, finally be making your sexuality irrevocably "real." That is a VERY scary prospect for most of us.

Bottom line for my advice is not that you just Come Out to your parents. You should only Come Out if/when you feel ready. I'm simply asking that you do a little introspection instead of possibly lashing out or 'blaming' the usual suspects.

 

Faceup-

My story, as are many like us, is similar to your story! Hearing you talk about suicide makes me sad, because I’ve had 2 attempts. You need to seek professional help- that’s the first step. Know that you have a lot of worth and there are many of us who support you!!!
I finally accepted myself as gay and have come out to a dozen or so people. It wasn’t easy, but it started my personal healing and has allowed me to start getting rid of the perceived burden of being gay. Start taking steps to a positive self worth. Find a therapist, come out to someone supportive and keep in touch with us on this site! You can do it!!!!