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Don't relate to the gay "struggle"

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by A Mindful Wolf, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. A Mindful Wolf

    Apr 9, 2016
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    I've been here a few months now, and every day I am reminded of how different, and very arguably lucky I have been in my life.
    I grew up in a household that didn't force religion in the slightest, taught me that morals were not defined by organizations or scripture, and didn't make a big deal about sexuality at all.
    As a result, (as you may see from my bio box), I never experienced "coming out", it would be pretentious and attention-seeking to act as if I HAD to when my family basically did the thing that 99% of other LGBT people wish their families did: act entirely indifferent, it's totally natural, nothing to make a big deal out of.
    My family is faaaaar from perfect, though, but let's just say in these aspects they did very well considering their generation and their family histories regarding religion.
    While I am very lucky, I realize that this lifestyle has left me feeling very isolated from other gay people I talk to. Always the first conversation topic is the "coming out story", or the secret gay things they hid from their families, or the struggle to suppress expression. I can't relate to any of it at all. I nod my head and frown in sympathy, but I can only look at them as a statistic, that most gay kids go through this.
    Occasionally I fantasize about this "closet", fantasizing that my family didn't accept me, that they were homophobes and religious nuts and that I had to fight for my sexuality, but this leaves me feeling selfish and horrible because I KNOW from the stories and here how fucking terrible it is to live like that.
    I've never had a SO, but if I did, and brought him home, my family might say "oh" at best, and move on. I fantasize that in this situation there is tension, awkwardness, maybe even a little disgust...I hate it.
    I don't feel like part of the LGBT community. The Orlando attacks made me mad, but I didn't associate myself with it, despite it being an attack on my people basically. When I hear about gay issues, I debate them as if I were a straight person in favour of equality for others, rather than for myself.
    To make things worse I distance myself from stereotypes, and find myself put off sometimes by a guy being obsessed with his shoes, or liking musical an unhealthy amount (xD), or describing everything as "OMG FAB <3", and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with any of those things, I'm even guilty of a few, but when I consider how I look at a musical, I don't see myself enjoying it for the same reasons another queer guy would.
    In short, I'm having a privileged white male first world identity crisis...:frowning2:
  2. HuskyLover

    Full Member

    Jul 9, 2016
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    Why is it so important for you to be able to relate? Seriously though. Every individual is different. Just because someone with the same sexuality as you experienced something, doesn't mean you must experience it as well.

    To me it sounds like you just need to go through that coming out stage, to tell everyone that you're gay and that you're not joking about it. :slight_smile:
  3. Snoww

    Regular Member

    Apr 8, 2016
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    North America
    Gender Pronoun:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You are indeed very lucky to have such accepting parents, which isn't the case for a ton of LGBT people ( including myself :c ) but that doesn't mean you're not part of the group. It isn't a requirement, and even if it's the most discussed topic, do not feel left out, because you aren't the only one. I think that a lot of kids will be in the same situation as you. The parents of tomorrow are becoming way more acceptant of sexual orientations/gender identities.

    Stereotypes are a pain. Not every queer guy acts "fabulous", some are even really manly. I still don't understand why they should be compared to a girl. It's totally fine if you don't fit those stereotypes because they aren't even accurate. I, for example, identify as a gay ( for girls ) agender ( afab ) and I'm pretty feminine although I dress like a guy. And I considered myself fabulous af *throws glitter in the air*

    You don't have to fit in with the people that get homophobic comments from their parents because they have it really hard. Be happy with what you have, I would give a lot to have accepting parents. Anyways, I wish you best of luck and cheer up! ^^