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Don't know who to talk to

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Delm, Mar 21, 2018.

  1. Delm

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    So i used to be rathee uncomfortable with my gender, but that went away. I assumed its because i 'grew out of it', but now 4-ish years later ive been getting thkse fleeting thoughts of 'i wish i was a guy' or 'i dont feel comfortable as who i am'. I want to talk to someone about it, but i cant go to my parent as he is rather against the whole gender thing, and i cant go to my friends either. I would talk to my school but then it feels like im making a huge deal out of it, and i'll probably be able to repress these thoughts again. Idk, any advice?
     
  2. Flynn S

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    I would recommend you talk to someone about it, whether it is an individual at your school or someone else. It's incredibly hard to work through these issues all by yourself. Repression is not a solution. If these thoughts are persistent and coming back to you, they probably mean something. It's near impossible to understand yourself completely, but if you ignore your thoughts/feelings, I guarantee you will make no gains. Talking to someone about your identity is not a huge deal. Regardless of your gender identity, trying to understand yourself better is never a bad thing. You can start off the discourse with a discussion (i.e. I am confused/question my gender identity), which allows you to change your mind.
     
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  3. quebec

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    Delm....Hello and welcome to empty closets! There is a great forum here on EC titled "Gender Identity and Expression". There are a lot of people on that forum who have either been right where you are or are just working through all of it right now. They will have a lot of answers to your questions as well as suggestions and help when you need it. Empty closets is a place where we really do try to help each other...give them a chance, I know they will welcome you!
    .....David
     
  4. Hyrule Wayfarer

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    There might be an LGBT youth group or helpline in your area. They will likely have someone who you can discuss these feelings with.

    You mention being in school still so you must be young and it can be difficult to sneak off to an LGBT youth group. When I was younger I used to tell my parents I had extra lessons after school immediately followed by the library to explain where I was going.
     
  5. NickiFire

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    Hey Delm! Coming here for advice is definitely an awesome first step, so congrats :slight_smile: This response isn't a direct answer to your question but I really felt the need to write it anyway:

    I understand your wish to repress these feelings, but I want you to know this: never discredit what you feel as a "phase". Everything you feel is real and valid in this moment. If feelings like this reoccur, it means they are a part of you. It is totally natural that you are feeling them. It doesn't matter if they come and go, you still need to listen to them and respect them. Something that happens too often with people discovering their gender identity or sexuality is that they deny these feelings or discredit them, thinking they can eliminate them by ignoring them. I am here to tell you that these feelings are a part of you, and you should love them like you love every other aspect of yourself. They make you unique, and that is beautiful. As someone who repressed my own sexuality and just broke free of the denial cycle, I can tell you it is so very important to validate these feelings as soon as you can. Repressing them can lead to a lot of suffering that can be avoided. Luckily I was able to recognize and accept my true nature very quickly, and I am so grateful for that. Some people can go almost their whole lives without living their own truth. You and I, we have the opportunity to listen to ourselves now, and to live in our own identities, and that is beautiful. I am sorry that your dad is against "the whole gender thing", family is always the hardest to interact with in these scenarios. But these feelings you have - they are as natural as the sunrise every morning, and just as beautiful too. They are raw and natural, and quite simply they are you. I don't have personal experience with questioning my gender identity - but I do firmly believe that it is okay to wake up one day wanting to live that day like a girl, and wake up the next day wanting to live like a man. You don't have to choose, if you don't want to. You can wake up each day and live however you want - as whoever you want. Don't feel you need to fit into a little box - if you do that's fine, but if you don't belong there then don't stay there. These boxes only exist for the convenience of other people, but you need to live life for you. Just listen to your feelings, and try not to overthink things. You don't have to know exactly what you are, or where you're going. You just have to listen to your own desires, and live life in accordance with them. If they change, you can change too. We are all growing, changing, evolving human beings and we all have our own journeys. Just let your heart guide you through this and don't let others tell you what to feel. They don't know your heart like you do.

    Best of luck on your journey, friend :slight_smile:
     
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