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Does your masturbation habits change when your in relationship ?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by aussielefty, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. aussielefty

    Regular Member

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    Hi,
    I am hoping to find a boyfriend some day, even at 45 I have never
    been in a relationship with any one, guy or girl ( girl when I thought I was bi)...
    never been in love, been in lust but never in love or relationship..

    I masturbate usually twice a day and with my favourite toys in bed or in the shower or sometimes watching porn on the net...

    Will this change for me when I find my first ever boyfriend ?
    how has being in a relationship affects:icon_wink my masturbating?

    I'm really quite bored of masturbating, I'm hoping to find some one some day

    thoughts?
     
  2. doc

    doc
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    Hey Aussie Lefty, I'm sure you'll meet someone one day - put yourself out there if its what you want. I think masturbation does change when you're in a relationship. For a start there's this new exciting type of sex that isn't all controlled by you. Which is not to say that masturbation goes away - just that it changes its role. You'll probably both still masturbate, even if you live in the same place. Its more "me time" than complete sexual outlet then.
     
  3. Willa

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    Doc is absolutely right. When you're in an intimate relationship, masturbation is less of a sexual necessity and more something that you do to relax, or maybe get rid of a headache. That being said, there will always be times, even if the sex is fantastic, that you just want to do it yourself because it's easier and it doesn't take as long, and you want to get off, but you're really not in the mood to get all sweaty. There will also be times when you and your partner are not aroused at the same time, and one of you will just have to take care of it yourself.

    Masturbation can also be an amazing part of your sex life with your partner. Mutual mastrubation and assisted masturbation are really sexy and satisfying, because you get the ease of pleasing yourself and the intimacy of being with your partner. There is something about letting someone you love and are attracted to watch you masturbate, help you masturbate, or tell you how they want you to masturbate, that unlocks this feeling of vulnerability and candor and absolute trust.

    Everything changes when you're in a relationship. The way that you take care of your own sexual needs is no exception.
     
    MilansMele likes this.
  4. UniqueJourney

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    Thank you Willa for your post. I agree with you 100%.

    Unfortunately, I was in a relationship for several years with a woman who had a very warped perspective on masturbation. She would get extremely angry whenever she found out I'd taken care of my own needs. As I explained to her, I've always taken care of my own needs and though it isn't my primary sexual outlet when in a relationship, I will always masturbate. The fact that she tried to shame, guilt, and control me in that manner spoke a lot about her own issues.

    Toward the end of our relationship, sexual intimacy triggered traumatic flashbacks for me and I shut down on that level. She refused to take care of her own needs. And the more sexually frustrated she became the angrier she got with me...and the more she demanded that I take care of her regardless of how it might harm me mentally and emotionally. It was so very selfish and unnecessary of her, and ultimately her attitude about masturbation was the final nail in the coffin for us.

    I believe that we make better partners when we know our own bodies well. And there is nothing shameful in giving our bodies pleasure, whether in or not in a romantic or sexual relationship.

    Not only does familiarity with our own body help us communicate with a partner better in regards to what we like and don't like...but there will always be times when our partner isn't there to take care of our sexual needs...or when we just feel like have some "me" time without having to think about anyone else's needs or expectations.

    So, yes, a healthy sexual relationship with someone will change your masturbation habits. But it definitely still has its place.
     
  5. aussielefty

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    I am so grateful for your replies guys...
    In my life I have only ever had one guy make love to me..
    out of all the sex with guys only one and that's what made me think more that
    I wanted a relationship than one nighters and blow n goes...
    also would like to know what difference is there when you have a relationship and actually making love more than just fucking some one, would be similar to masturbating as you guys have said I presume ??
    learning so much from this site..
     
    #5 aussielefty, Sep 9, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2015
  6. Sky82

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    I don't think I can add any further advice, as doc, Willa and uniquejourney have hit the nail on the head. Only thing I can say and this is something my friend said to me is get yourself out there and advertise yourself, let someone taste your bonbons and you taste theirs, (never got the bonbons thing but it always made me giggle) that's the only way someone's going to fall in love with you. She has a strange way of putting words but they make perfect sense. Once you find love, the world of sex and masterbation opens so many different doors for you to try.
     
  7. Basha63

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    Stop using toys or porn
     
  8. Sawyer

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    For me personally, I've only ever been in two relationships. The first, there was a no sex rule until marriage for religious reasons, which I respected, but found myself masturbating to relieve sexual tension frequently. My current, as I am sexually satisfied Its rare. I've maybe done it once in 5 months, and I think that was because my hormones were out of whack.

    As what others have said excellently, masturbartion is,more of a personal act. Some do it to relieve stress, sexual tension, or out of boredom.

    And yes, I think there is a difference between having sex with someone you love and not, but that's my personal experience. I find the longer I continue to be in a relationship with my current gf, the better the sex is since we first started when we were just dating, to being girlfriends, and now in a long term relationship. But I think it depends on the person. I am not the person who could ever have meaningless sex or one night stands. I'm not built that way and I can't get turned on knowing that.