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Does this mean I’m gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TreyBall23, Oct 19, 2017.

  1. TreyBall23

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    Hello, my name is trey, I’m 16 and I’m a guy. I’ve grown up liking girls, never crushed on a guy or wanted to do anything sexual with a guy.

    Got into porn when I was very young, and it escalated from pictures of women to lesbian to straight to incest to even gay, I was a porn addict. I rarely ever watched gay porn tho, only when I was feeling it or bored of straight porn. Yes I also had gay sexual fantasies. And sometimes I would look at the guy in porn. But most of the time I was looking at the girl and the amount of times I fantasized to girls over guys is a 1000 to 1 ratio. I have been obsessing over if I’m gay or straight for the last year and it’s a crippling struggle that has caused me to be depressed. I believe I’m dealing with a sexual orientation OCD.

    When I take long breaks from porn I always get horny for girls and when I watch after abstaining porn a while, I drool over the girl literally. Like I said I’ve never liked a guy like that, never wanted to kiss or do anything sexual with a guy. I’ve always been attracted to girls, obsessed about dating them, dreamed about kissing them, and got hard thinking about sex with them. Last night I got sick of my ocd and I said I’m done and I’m gay. I cried and I had huge anxiety spikes but I forced myself to accept I’m gay. I told myself it’s not my fault and I’ll be the same. Today I am still forcing myself to accept I’m gay, but I’m also forcing myself to be gay, it’s like all of a sudden I know I’m straight. Everytime I look at a guy and try to even think about kissing them it’s a repulsive thought and I don’t like it. Just yesterday I was jaw open attracted at this girl wearing booty shorts.

    So obviously I’m straight right? But wait there is one thing that keeps me scared that I can’t be. One day when I was in 8th grade, I was in the locker room and I said a guy and he had a big ass that kinda looked like a girls, but I remember getting a boner and then shaking it off telling myself I’m straight. Now before that and even after I’ve seen many naked men and have been disgusted with zero attraction. Every naked women I’ve seen in real life I had a very hard boner. I have friends who will whip out their dick and ass as a joke and I’ve nevee been attracted to that.

    Never had sex with a girl, but I have gotten touchy with one and I get extremely hard when touching their boobs or ass, or even talking dirty with a girl gets me hard. With guys I might accidentally touch their ass or dick in a contact sport and be immediately disgusted, I remember last year I grabbed a dudes junk by accident when he jumped in the air in basketball and I was so disgusted for 10 minutes, like throw up disgusted.

    What do I do about this one time erection to a man? Ever since I quit porn I don’t have any gay fantasies and thinking about them is completely disinteresting to me. I can’t get this one thought out of my head of this guy I got a erection too, when I think about it today I don’t find it arousing at all, maybe it was puberty or me watching gay porn? Please help.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Trey, it really sounds like you are over analysing your feelings and making yourself incredibly anxious in the process.

    Based on what you told us, I would say it's incredibly unlikely you are gay (I say this as a gay guy myself). Sure, you have some curiosity about guys, but nothing to excessively worry about and nothing that would be considered anything but normal. In reality, very few people are 1000% straight (or gay), but they don't fret about it and just get on with life. You should too!

    Try to relax and follow your strongest feelings and fantasies (which seem to be for girls). As things stand, it seems unlikely that you will ever get to a point where you want to be physical with another guy, even if you did have a one time erection in 8th grade when your hormones were probably raging like mad.
     
  3. TreyBall23

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    Thank you Patrick, I really appreciate your help. I think it is pretty obvious I’m straight.

    The problem here is the obsession, it just won’t go away. I get intrusive thoughts about guys, like I’ll see a guy bend over and I’ll see his underwear and then freak out about being attracted to it. Another example is my mind will tell me every guy is attractive, and it creates major anxiety, I do not like the thoughts about guys being hot, it kills my mood, it’s nothing like how I would look at women being hot, I loved the thoughts and would embrace them but with the guys I just want these thoughts out. Let’s say I get these thoughts around a girl, I just want to be all up on her, if I get these wth a guy I want to get far away as possible from him. I always check out guys vs girls and think of them sexually and see which one I would be attracted to and I never get boners to guys and always to girls. Also now every time I see a girl and think she’s cute I am afraid I’m lying to myself and if think a girl is attractive I feel I’m lying to myself if I don’t get a boner. I am always keeping constant check on my penis so if just get any kind of random feeling down there I automatically fear it’s for a guy, what do I do? These thoughts kill my mood and I don’t know what to do, should I stop with all the checking? I just want my old mind back):
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    You should definitely stop all of the checking Trey, because it's unhealthy and will bring no answers.

    I am gay and always have been, but it doesn't mean I am blind to beauty in the opposite sex. Should I be worried about that? Should I be anxious that I may not be gay and might now want to sleep with women? No, of course not. But if you look at what I'm saying about women and compare it to what you think about guys, I have a much bigger problem than you, don't I? Because I'm actually admitting that some women are beautiful (even though I'm gay), while you have no such feelings for guys. All of the anxiety you have about men is based on far less than what I said about women, but I know my thoughts and feelings are completely reasonable... and so are yours actually.

    We can't fix our sexuality is concrete Trey and we shouldn't try to either. Checking and analysing like you are will achieve nothing apart from making you freak out more and more. The mere fact that you are getting as far away as possible from guys who register on your radar is a clear sign that you are freaking out and going overboard with everything.

    You are perfectly normal and healthy and your feelings are the same as 80-90% of the population actually.
     
  5. TreyBall23

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    You are really helping me out man this means a lot. After I read your reply earlier I felt a lot better. And the obsessions even really mostly went away. I did watch porn earlier and was once again drooling over the girls. I even noticed when I got into a car with a couple friends I wasn’t getting those intrusive thought like ‘you think they are cute’ and it felt good knowing they were just thoughts. Just a couple days ago I was completely bombarded getting in the same car with the same two guys. I went to basketball practice surrounded by guys and not one thought popped in, I had completely forgotten about the entire obsession.

    Then at the end of practice I had a thought about a good looking friend and I got anxiety for like 3 seconds, now I’m once again dealing with the obsession. I tried to push the thought out and pretend to not care.

    So my question to you Patrick, what do you think I should do when I get intrusive thoughts? (To prevent me from freaking out over them)

    Thanks:slight_smile:
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    The key thing to understand is that your thoughts and feelings about men do not mirror your fundamental desire to be intimate with the opposite sex. You really need to work on understanding that and hold it at the front of your mind. Maybe repetition of that key point will help to train your brain and break the cycle of intrusive thinking. Also, keep in mind that you are no different to the majority of people.

    Do not run in the opposite direction if a guy gets your attention because that's an extreme overreaction to a very benign situation and it really amounts to running away from the issue. So what if you do notice another guy? Just because you notice another guy, it doesn't follow that you want to abandon all feelings for women so you can get in his pants and I think you totally understand that Trey. I think there is a real disconnect between what you know and what you're feeling, so when it happens, stand your ground and focus on the reality of your surroundings instead of moving straight onto checking rituals. If you do begin checking, come straight back to where you are and what you are doing and keep at it. Again, you are training your brain to break the cycle.

    Let us know how it goes.
     
  7. TreyBall23

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    Thanks pat, I appreciate all the help and I will for sure keep you updated, hopefully I’ll forget and won’t have to but we will see